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Pro tip – if you’re gonna sell your crap on Facebook Marketplace, make sure you get rid of your used syringes in the background before taking a picture of it.
Although the toilet paper is a nice touch of class.
This is Alyssa Louden, formerly of Plymouth, Rhode Island, and Greenfield.
As you can see, she has mastered the art of the bathroom selfie, along with the art of wearing fupagami.
Was curious about what that needle was in the background so Clarence decided to put an offer in for another item to find out the dilly.
Oh right, an insulin needle for Pops. Totally believable. Does this look like the kind of chick who would forget to move her dirty syringe and toilet paper before posting on Facebook Marketplace?
And in case there was any doubt what the needle was being used for, I present to you her Facebook page in all its glory.
Let’s start by going back a few years. Back in 2013 she was on top of the world.
Calling out ratchet bitches like it was going out of style.
Seeing as she’s not-ratchet, she’s earned the right to cast judgement on others. It’s not like she’s ever left a dirty syringe in a picture she posted on Facebook Marketplace before.
Later that year she fell in love and had the local neighborhood children commemorate it with a tattoo featuring birdies, clouds, hearts, and of course a tic tac toe board.
Shockingly things didn’t work out, and that masterpiece had to be covered up by another tattoo.
What a tragedy. Who would ever let someone like this go?
She’ll be “longing” for that face for an eternity. There’s nothing sexier than a man who looks like a post-impressionist painting ripping down a Newport.
And although it didn’t work out between them, at least he left her with a parting gift in the form of a raw dog trophy.
I for one am shocked he rocks the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat. Shocked I tell ya.
Unfortunately for her, but luckily for the child, the system had other ideas.
I can’t imagine how such a fine creature would ever risk losing custody of her crotch fruit.
Luckily she’s got a GoFundMe for that.
— alyssa louden (@lyssababii92) May 12, 2016
Turns out Jar-Jar Stinks might not have been kinky enough for her.
To the shock of no one, court is a recurring event on the agenda.
And her friends are even more cultured than she is. They’re all experts at court.
“The judge is a bitch she wont care if I didnt get served she did it to two of my friends already.”
“Well then you say I know the law and I’ll sue. Make sure you use that no fucks given attitude i know you got.”
It’s just that simple. You show up to court, tell the Judge you’re going to sue them, let them know you’ve run out of fucks to give, and then BOOM – not guilty.
Looks like she learned a lot from court last year too.
Her new man appears to be more diverse than Jar-Jar Stinks, which evidently gives her free reign to liberally use the n word as she so pleases.
And in her most recent relationship announcement she got into a verbal spat with another ratchet over who rode her ex Jamal’s dirty dick the hardest, but she blocked her ratchet rival so it appears as if she’s speaking hoodrat to herself.
Nevertheless the crew came in to defend her honor.
Good lord, this is new level ratchet folks. And she’s from the mean streets of Greenfield nonetheless. Either way, if you want a Wii for mad cheap give her a buzz. If you toss in some food stamps you might get a free syringe and some toilet paper out of it too.