God Always Tests His Chosen People In The Bible, Someday Turtleboy Jr. Will Watch The Turtleboy Live Halftime Show And Postgame Blarney Live And He Will Be Proud
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Turtleboy feels bad for anyone who couldn’t see that greatest comeback in Super Bowl history coming from a mile away. Listen, God has to test us. He does it a million times in the Bible. Sometimes he just fucked with people like Abraham to see if they’d do something crazy like kill their own son for him. Other times he even told people like Peter that they were gonna deny him, and they STILL did it. But guess what? When God loves you more, he forgives you. He understands that you are human, and he made us all fallible. It’s what you learn from the experience that matters.
And Super Bowl 51 was the ultimate test from God. We’ve had to do some crazy things to win five Super Bowls, but we’ve never had a 25 point second half deficit, and a 19 point fourth quarter deficit to overcome. God wanted to see just how strong our faith was. Some in the mainstream Worcester media showed him how weak they were:
But Walter Bird is a heathen. God does not love him. That’s why he banished him to be the editor of a shitty free magazine that no one reads. This is the same magazine that tried saying Joe Petty didn’t call all those protesters morons. God doesn’t love Worcester Magazine, but he does love Patriots, Turtleboy and faithful turtle riders.
Even at the Turtleboy viewing party several we had to fire several employees:
Look, with social media, everything you say will follow you around the rest of your life. That’s why we insisted on documenting the most legendary comeback in Super Bowl history with the most legendary halftime pump up speech of all time on Turtleboy Super Bowl Live. If this didn’t make you believe, then it’s hard to say that you were ever one of us to begin with:
Here’s the final two minutes as seen at the Turtleboy viewing party:
And here’s the postgame press conference and the first ever episode of Blarney Live:
Like I said, the Internet is forever, and you don’t wanna pull a Walter Bird. I understand if you did, and we accept you back with open arms. Just learn from it and don’t let it happen again. Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess both fell asleep at the viewing party around 10. But like any loving parent would do, Mrs. Turtleboy and I had to wake them up for the game tying score, two point conversion, and legendary overtime finish. Because we wanted them to witness history. I remember being five or six years old and Grandpa Turtleboy woke me up out of my turtle slumber to watch the Berlin Wall came down. I hated him at the time, but today I love him for it. It meant nothing to me in 89, but it means the world to me today. And someday, Turtleboy Jr. and Turtle Princess will do the same.
Like I said, the Internet is forever, and you don’t wanna pull a Walter Bird. I understand if you did, and we accept you back with open arms. Just learn from it and don’t let it happen again. Either way, we just wanted to have this on record that we NEVER doubted this team, and we have the time stamped tweets and Facebook posts to prove it.
Never forget people – God loves us more. We deserved that. It was our destiny. Roger Goodell tried his best to stop us, but at the end of the day good will always overcome evil. God bless you all. We still love you.
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