Hoodrat Heroes

Greasy Soyboy Cop-Hating Cuck And Gothpoon Gravydumpster Start GoFundMe Because They Got Caught Shoplifting From Wal-Mart And Now They Are Oppressed And Sad

It’s been a while since I’ve stumbled across a truly reprehensible GoFundMe campaign here on the East Coast. Not to worry though, the Lonestar State has it covered today. Check out these two useless sludgepumps, James and Winter Carlton.


Not the mental picture that comes to my mind when I think of Texas. Holy shit. Literally nowhere is safe. These assclowns are multiplying everywhere.

These fine, upstanding specimens are also parents to two young children, which is great. They definitely don’t look like they’d leave their kids in the car to wait in line at Hot Topic, ever.

It took me a minute but I finally was able to determine that the fat chick with the hair greasy enough to single handled solve the crude oil crisis is actually a dude, and therefore the “father”, and the bootleg Aimee Leg skag is therefore the “mom”, and they need you to donate your hard-earned cash STAT because they are so marginalized and oppressed that they don’t have to perform even five minutes of labor a day, ever. Their story as told on the GoFundMe is simply riveting:

“Today my family went to Walmart to purchase groceries so that we would have food in the house to eat, and get a few things that we needed but were unable to afford. New toothbrushes and some toothpaste for our two year old, as well as a pack of diapers for our 6 month old.
We were stopped outside of the store by an unidentified woman, a Walmart employee in casual dress, who walked up and lifted my child’s car seat to retrieve a pack of forgotten headbands that had slipped under her seat. We were immediately surrounded by Walmart staff who intimidated us into going into the LP office.
We gave the two dollar headbands back after offering to pay for them, as well as the pack of diapers. They proceeded to call law enforcement. Two employees barred the door and as we were waiting, our two year old daughter covered her face with her hands and sobbed — the unidentified LP woman smirked at her and feigned innocence when we asked her to stop, making rude faces and talking to us as if we were dumb.
When the two officers arrived, they demanded my spouse take off his coat and then one officer pinned his hands behind his back, “searched him for weapons” (he was not concealing anything in his skinny jeans and tight shirt), and called him a SNOWFLAKE for protesting being pinned against the wall.
The entire process took over an hour — it was an hour of being mocked and treated like animals for being too poor to afford rent, let alone necessities for our family. It was agonizing.
About ten minutes into the police interrogation my  six month old daughter, who has been fighting a viral infection since Friday began to cry for me out of pain and hunger. The officers refused to allow me to even stand with my daughter, who they placed alone with her big sister on the opposite side of the room, to comfort her. As her cries grew more demanding the LP woman began to speak rudely to us again, apparently inconvenienced by my ill child. One officer smirked and told us that she was fine, further refusing me from any contact with her. When I told him she was hungry and I needed to breastfeed her he spoke to me as if feeding my hungry daughter was disgusting and offensive.
We pleaded for forgiveness and swore never to return. Explained countless times our poor situations, begged for advice on what to do. They all jeered at us, the one officer in particular went out of his way every chance her could get to jab us with figurative spears of cruel words, including mocking me for my disabilities. We both received citations ranging from 326 to 369 for theft of less than 100 dollars.
We are currently unable to even make our rent or electric bill due to my inability to work and/or afford child care, let alone pay for citations which will turn into warrants after 30 days. We are terrified of losing our children — they are our world and we both simply wanted them to have what they needed. This is why we are reaching out in hopes that someone, anyone will see the injustice and oppression of the poor, and perhaps help us.
At this point, it comes down to paying the citations and losing our home, or ignoring them and losing our home and kids over warrants and jail time.
Thank you, bless you.”

So…let me get this straight. These two packed up the kids to head over to do some five-finger discount shopping at Wal-Mart, got caught stealing, are now being cited, and you should feel bad for them because they chose to break the law with rawdog trophies in tow and are facing the consequences. You should believe their entire harrowing tale, too, even though the story started out as just a package of headbands they “forgot” to pay for, and then slipped out to be some shoplifted diapers, too. And this all somehow qualifies under “accidents and emergencies”, because they accidentally walked in to a store and started throwing shit into their cart they knew they couldn’t pay for, got caught, and now it’s an emergency.

If you can’t afford a package of diapers for your baby, your whole life is an accident and emergency. Just sayin’. Time to get used to it.

All this seems perfectly understandable. I’m sure it went down exactly as described with the cops, too. They’re the bad guys, not the unfit greaseballs who willingly put their children in the situation. Daddy dickless sure seems like he’d be really respectful and agreeable during an interaction with Law Enforcement, too.



Any bets on whether or not he’s a “sovereign citizen” who “knows his rights”? What’s the over/under on that one? Just look at his version of events.

James: *Posts incessantly on Facebook about killing cops*

Also James: *I couldn’t possibly hide weapons in my effeminate hispter skinny jeans. Stop abusing me, give me my free diapers and let me go home to cry*

I don’t really believe that anyone was smirking and laughing at all, honestly. But if they were, it wasn’t because of two crying kids, asshat. I guarantee anyone that sees you out in public feels terribly for them, especially when it comes out you can’t even be bothered to earn enough money to keep them in diapers. I know I do. If anyone is laughing, it’s because the two of you look objectively fucking ridiculous.

God forbid they lose the kids they can’t afford to provide with the most basic of necessities, though. The ones they take along with them while they break the law. Those kids. That would be a fucking tragedy. Think of the children. If their shitbag parents aren’t around to neglect and fail them at every turn, who will?!

And of course this is “oppression” and “injustice”. Because apparently if you are two able-bodied grown adults perpetually dressed for a Fallout Boy concert, and choose to procreate despite entirely lacking the life skills and financial means to sustain a family, the laws should not apply to you. How dare you expect them to afford diapers – hair dye and black nail polish doesn’t just grown on trees! What are you going to demand next, that the kids get 3 square meals a day and housing stability?


Don’t be such unreasonable Fascist pigs. Not everyone has the luxury of working endless 12 hour shifts to provide basic care for their offspring.


And there’s only so many hours in the day, guys. How can you expect these two to find the time to work so much as even part-time?  These public-restroom mirror selfies and ironic emo one-liners aren’t going to just post themselves. Be realistic.


Oh, you work two jobs, struggling single mom reading this blog? Well, fuck you, stop throwing your privilege around. You don’t even know what it’s like to suffer like Mortitia and Cousin It do. They spend their days not exhausted and sore, home with their kids, taking family field trips to boost shit from the local Wal-Mart. They’re probably never cried in a bathroom stall while waiting tables at 10pm after working an 8-5 day job because they are dead tired and feel like they’re somehow failing their kids. They can’t be so fortunate. Oh, no. In fact, despite objectively failing their kids in every way imaginable, they’ve never felt like they’re failing their kids at all. Not. Once.

They’re making sacrifices for their kids. Have some respect. They’re just not gonna sacrifice any hours of the day on a job schedule.


Yeah, Gabriel, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you know you’re brown? Where’s your oppression and self-pity? You’re out here working for a living, paying your own way, while these two gutterslugs have to work hard at fabricating excuses to be the victim. Every. Single. Day.

Do you even know how hard it is to fight back against white privilege like they do, Gabriel? It’s such a struggle playing the oppressed minority when you happen to be the majority. Have some respect.

And, by the way, unlike the rest of the world – they have bills.

And some people don’t have parents to coddle them while they’re supposed to be the parents, you know. So they can only rely on the government to do it, and all that free money and free time isn’t enough when you want things, but don’t possess enough maturity and self-discipline to earn them.

So of course they’re going to need to steal! That’s two whole bills, which is “more than you can imagine.”, elitist swine who was born into the luxury and privilege of spending 75% of your life working non-stop until you die so that welfare wallops like this can live off your labor. You don’t understand the hardship of having 90% of your living expenses covered despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve it. We should all pity them and give them some sweet, work-free donation cash. You can’t possibly expect even one of them, let alone both, to get a job in the strongest economy and job growth this country has seen in 50 years. If you think these two should be oppressed into having to take responsibility for the life choices they have made, and the not one but TWO lives they chose to bring into it….well then, sir or madame, you clearly hate the poor. And you clearly are the problem.

That would just be absurd.



51 Comment(s)
  • Ray Patriarca
    Ed Markey's missing testes
    July 21, 2019 at 9:41 am

    Anyone wish to wager a guess on which political persuasion and Party these two professional takers belong to?
    I’ll give ya two guesses.
    The first one doesn’t count.

  • dissapoint
    July 21, 2019 at 9:06 am

    I love that you deleted my comment asking for more shit head Jizzail coverage. Looks like Bristol must be fucking for Fall River favor. Not MSM mu hot cooch

    • Nah
      July 22, 2019 at 3:46 pm

      Dont feel sorry for them.
      Miranda “winter” and James both are fucking nuts. Schizophrenic and bpd assholes that use their disabilities to make their life seem harder than it is while people with the same disabilities are working 9-5 everyday. Miranda abuses james and james constantly cheats on her. Fucking drug addicts, shoplifters, they steal from friends, just in all they are moochers. They both use their kids to make us feel sorry for them but wont tell you that they wanted to put both children up for adoption multiple times and honestly they should. The kids are going to end up as fucked up as they are, give them a chance to be in a good environment instead of using them for your stupidity. If you cant afford it, dont touch it. If you know it’s wrong and you get caught be a fucking man and own up to your shit. Ive never met more useless fucking people than them. Absolutely disgusting.

  • Your mother
    July 20, 2019 at 7:09 am

    Don’t lump in all these “lefties” (mooches) with the rest us. These people are morons. Pretty hilarious hearing y’all defend your shit positions though but have no problem with the rich elite being scum freeloaders and taking billions in handouts over the last few decades LOL. Sort out your priorities.

    Rant aside, these immature twats are dumb

    • True Reality Speaks
      Apparently Science Didn't Make You Its Bitch - You Were Too Dumb
      July 20, 2019 at 6:34 pm


      You’re too dumb to comment, and your mother secretly wishes she swallowed.

  • Poopweiner
    July 19, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    His other Facebook (James Cayleb Carlton) is entirely open btw

    • StuartScottsLeftEye
      July 21, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      Just scrolled through his wall. It’s exactly as anticipated.

  • Suc my juul
    July 19, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    James is constantly cheating on his gf with dudes from grindr. Honestly sad how she constantly takes him back and I can’t even get a gf

  • brianmorris1976
    Dick Trickle
    July 19, 2019 at 9:59 pm

    The fact that she refers to loss prevention as LP only means one thing, she is a professional shoplifter. It usually goes hand in hand with some kind of drug addiction.

  • Ashley
    July 19, 2019 at 4:32 pm

    They’re from DFW and her name isnt even Winter. I know these people. They’ve also areadly lost the oldest once and had to get her back. Both extremely fuckin mentally ill. Pretty sure the father is actually schizophrenic. So this is a lil extra.

    • Concerned Mother
      July 19, 2019 at 9:28 pm

      I’m friends with them on Facebook. Supposedly the dad has a job where he is apparently working 40 hrs a week and is currently getting paid $200 biweekly because his manager is not paying them their full check. Sounds fake but okay. And the mom is supposedly too mentally ill to have a job. She literally calls herself disabled. Along with that she blames that she can’t get childcare. As if she couldn’t get a job IN childcare where she can bring her kids with her. It’s shameful that someone will let their supposed mental illness keep them from providing for their children.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    July 19, 2019 at 12:32 pm

    They must be from Austin. Woke capital of Texas and leftist enclave.

  • Kids deserve better
    July 19, 2019 at 11:56 am

    As someone who works 6/7 days a week, I will NEVER understand why some people feel that getting a job is somehow beneath them.

    I don’t see anything physically wrong with either of these two.

    GET A FAHKING job!

  • Vigil Ante
    Vigil Ante
    July 19, 2019 at 9:03 am

    Why is it the losers that advocate for a socialist society are never the ones that pay for it. They are either getting paid as the coordinator or getting paid as the benefit recipient. While the rest of us suckers are too busy working to survive to really do anything about it.

    It must be nice living off the government tit having all the time in the world to figure out how to make yourself a victim.

    2 fucking losers that are unfortunately going to raise 2 more losers. Hopefully those kids get taken away.

  • Be a man loser
    July 19, 2019 at 8:01 am

    There was a time I had to WALK to McDonald’s to use Wi-Fi. My kid needed diapers more than I needed a phone bill. I sacrificed and SAVED. IN A HOME with ONE parent. No father to “babysit” while I worked ! And these two bozos can’t figure it out? Neither one has a job? Fuckin swine! Prioritize you useless entitled emo shitheads

  • Ray Patriarca
    I just threw up in my mouth
    July 19, 2019 at 7:10 am

    I hate to ruin someone’s breakfast, but can you imagine the stink that must emmanate from these two greasy fucks when they bump uglies?

    July 19, 2019 at 7:08 am

    Army has signing bonus up to $45k, depending upon the specialty and term of enlistment. A young man should consider this, especially with family responsibility.

    • Senor citizen Navy vet
      July 19, 2019 at 10:04 am

      Hmmm, would have to take a drug test? High school graduate?

    • Sissy bottom (24)
      July 19, 2019 at 11:01 pm

      Trust me, I personally know James and he would NOT make it in the army. He would probably swallow a bullet the second he has a chance. Which actually wouldn’t be too bad

  • Osiris
    July 19, 2019 at 5:56 am

    These useless cunts that continuously rawdog then have kids they cannot support should be euthanized. There is no shortage of good homes and good people who cannot have children that would be able to at least give these kids a shot in life. If these kids stay with their parents, they will end up like their parents. Sad, but true.

  • Jeff J
    Uh Oh.....
    July 19, 2019 at 2:44 am

    I think soy boy (possibly both) might have the “disease”. Look at the pic where you can actually see his pupils. Holy pin prick.
    In what alternate reality are we living where you get caught stealing shit and then try and guilt people to give you their hard earned money??
    GET A JOB you shameless leeches.

  • Toolman
    July 18, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    The mom could make some money sucking dick. Actually, so could the father! There would be no need to steal at Wally World. They might even get more dough by sucking dick in tandem!

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    July 18, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    It was heart-wrenching to read of James and Winter’s harrowing ordeal. The mistreatment to the Carlton family by the jackbooted Texas cops and the Wal-Mart LPs was nothing less than appalling.
    Those of you who read this blog are obligated to donate to the Carlton family’s GoFundMe acct. You greed fueled, over-privileged, white commenters MUST give to them!

  • ElJefe72
    July 18, 2019 at 8:53 pm

    James and Winter are the same person, aren’t they?

  • Blue5698
    July 18, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Lies have speed. The truth has endurance.

  • Eobard Thawne
    July 18, 2019 at 8:15 pm

    “His” page is wide open for those who would like to drop “him” a few words.

  • Jamie j
    July 18, 2019 at 8:06 pm

    That kid needs to take a shower, get a haircut and start filling out job applications. I know what it’s like to have a baby and no money.
    It sucks but if you have no shame for a go fund me why not just go to your local church? So many places can help. Be a problem solver without stealing or risking loosing your kids.

  • Shit Fingered Pot Stirrer
    July 18, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    White people who have kids, and know how to write in complete sentences and use commas? They get a pass with me…

  • hartf811
    July 18, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    Take the kids, leave the cannolis.

    • Silencio Dogood
      July 20, 2019 at 3:19 am


  • Judge dread
    July 18, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    what’s up fuckin vampire goth. I thought that shit was dissolved in the late 90s. I thought the new thing was being trans, I’ve always said “trans is the new goth” for young people [idiots].

    send both of them to the hard labor camps for the weekend- if only for trying in vein to bring back shitty 90s trends. No one, and I mean no one, wears black lipstick anymore unless you’re going back to the boom boom garbage dump and are gonna channel you’re inner hooker.

    As Bret said in the last podcast, let this chick suck the piss out of my dick.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    July 18, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    Maybe she could sell her tattoos to get money for necessities.

    Oh, according to her, expensive tattoos ARE necessities….

    • Ok?
      July 18, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      FYI they weren’t paid for, they were trade for work. But you couldn’t fathom such a concept. Too busy shitting out of your own mouth.

      • Captain Trips
        Valvoline Hair Gel
        July 18, 2019 at 7:20 pm

        Helpful Hint: Get some Dawn dish detergent and wash your hair with it. Prepare as the grease may clog the drain though.

        Trade for work huh? I can imagine what kind of work…..involved a lot of bobbing I’m sure

        How’s your candidate Bernie Sanders doing in the polls?

      • Anna
        July 18, 2019 at 9:29 pm

        Tats were traded for work? why not work for money then?

      • Anna
        July 18, 2019 at 9:35 pm

        or how about you use cloth diapers since you can’t afford diapers. if you sit around and feel for yourself you will never get nowhere in life.
        if you cannot afford to have kids then stop bleeding.
        the entitlement is jarring.

      • Anna
        July 18, 2019 at 9:37 pm

        or how about you use cloth diapers since you can’t afford diapers. if you sit around and feel for sorry yourself you will never get nowhere in life.
        if you cannot afford to have kids then stop breeding. it’s so goddamn selfish to bring kids in to the world you have no intention financially caring for.
        the entitlement is jarring

        • Oh Anna
          July 19, 2019 at 6:41 am

          oh anna, take me in with water arms surround me, blow your breezy charms around me
          oh anna, you’re a house of many rooms and all the secrets deep entombed within you,
          i know a few

    • Judge dread
      July 18, 2019 at 7:23 pm

      they’re needed to attract her goth kin. kinda like stripes on an animal.

      • Captain Trips
        Dawn Detergent - Family Size!
        July 18, 2019 at 7:49 pm

        Goth is so cutting edge these days. Such a new and radical concept!

        What being Goth actually means: I’m so fucking insecure that I need to look like Marilyn Manson just to get the attention that I so crave. Doesn’t matter if it’s negative attention or not. Any attention will do.

        What being Goth leads to: I can’t get a job because I look like a fucking circus clown but I need money for my clown outfit and makeup so I steal diapers so I can sell them on the street so I can afford the clown attire and makeup and still be able to smoke a quarter ounce of pot every day in my futile attempt to deal with the fact that I know I’m an insecure fucking loser.

        • Judge dread
          July 18, 2019 at 9:10 pm

          exactly, well put.

  • Atta
    July 18, 2019 at 6:48 pm

    The only thing this pussy could kill is his parents will to live

  • Hugh Mungous
    July 18, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    I will give them money if she gets a hysterectomy and soy boy gets a vasectomy

  • randiguy2006
    July 18, 2019 at 5:47 pm

    I don’t like these stores from far away places. I lose interest quickly.

    More local losers please

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 19, 2019 at 3:33 am

      Walmart isn’t that far away.

  • Derp
    July 18, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    It’s Morticia not Mortitia.

    • randiguy2006
      July 18, 2019 at 6:01 pm

      Yeah, this is important.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      July 19, 2019 at 3:29 am


      In that case it’s an “Off you fuck” for you, you pedantic twat.

  • Christopher Lettiere
    July 18, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    Sadly, Texas is turning blue, and this is the result.

  • Well, No Shit
    July 18, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    More. Fucking. “Takers.”

    Their demographic is growing at a geometric rate, while the working “Providers” are being squeezed out of existance. Soon, there will be too few “Providers” to keep up with the demand of the “Takers,” and America’s descent into a 3rd World shithole will be complete.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      July 18, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      That’s what happened to Rome. This is just the ‘New Rome’

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