It’s been a while since I’ve stumbled across a truly reprehensible GoFundMe campaign here on the East Coast. Not to worry though, the Lonestar State has it covered today. Check out these two useless sludgepumps, James and Winter Carlton.
Not the mental picture that comes to my mind when I think of Texas. Holy shit. Literally nowhere is safe. These assclowns are multiplying everywhere.
These fine, upstanding specimens are also parents to two young children, which is great. They definitely don’t look like they’d leave their kids in the car to wait in line at Hot Topic, ever.
It took me a minute but I finally was able to determine that the fat chick with the hair greasy enough to single handled solve the crude oil crisis is actually a dude, and therefore the “father”, and the bootleg Aimee Leg skag is therefore the “mom”, and they need you to donate your hard-earned cash STAT because they are so marginalized and oppressed that they don’t have to perform even five minutes of labor a day, ever. Their story as told on the GoFundMe is simply riveting:
We were stopped outside of the store by an unidentified woman, a Walmart employee in casual dress, who walked up and lifted my child’s car seat to retrieve a pack of forgotten headbands that had slipped under her seat. We were immediately surrounded by Walmart staff who intimidated us into going into the LP office.
We gave the two dollar headbands back after offering to pay for them, as well as the pack of diapers. They proceeded to call law enforcement. Two employees barred the door and as we were waiting, our two year old daughter covered her face with her hands and sobbed — the unidentified LP woman smirked at her and feigned innocence when we asked her to stop, making rude faces and talking to us as if we were dumb.
When the two officers arrived, they demanded my spouse take off his coat and then one officer pinned his hands behind his back, “searched him for weapons” (he was not concealing anything in his skinny jeans and tight shirt), and called him a SNOWFLAKE for protesting being pinned against the wall.
The entire process took over an hour — it was an hour of being mocked and treated like animals for being too poor to afford rent, let alone necessities for our family. It was agonizing.
About ten minutes into the police interrogation my six month old daughter, who has been fighting a viral infection since Friday began to cry for me out of pain and hunger. The officers refused to allow me to even stand with my daughter, who they placed alone with her big sister on the opposite side of the room, to comfort her. As her cries grew more demanding the LP woman began to speak rudely to us again, apparently inconvenienced by my ill child. One officer smirked and told us that she was fine, further refusing me from any contact with her. When I told him she was hungry and I needed to breastfeed her he spoke to me as if feeding my hungry daughter was disgusting and offensive.
We pleaded for forgiveness and swore never to return. Explained countless times our poor situations, begged for advice on what to do. They all jeered at us, the one officer in particular went out of his way every chance her could get to jab us with figurative spears of cruel words, including mocking me for my disabilities. We both received citations ranging from 326 to 369 for theft of less than 100 dollars.
We are currently unable to even make our rent or electric bill due to my inability to work and/or afford child care, let alone pay for citations which will turn into warrants after 30 days. We are terrified of losing our children — they are our world and we both simply wanted them to have what they needed. This is why we are reaching out in hopes that someone, anyone will see the injustice and oppression of the poor, and perhaps help us.
At this point, it comes down to paying the citations and losing our home, or ignoring them and losing our home and kids over warrants and jail time.
Thank you, bless you.”
So…let me get this straight. These two packed up the kids to head over to do some five-finger discount shopping at Wal-Mart, got caught stealing, are now being cited, and you should feel bad for them because they chose to break the law with rawdog trophies in tow and are facing the consequences. You should believe their entire harrowing tale, too, even though the story started out as just a package of headbands they “forgot” to pay for, and then slipped out to be some shoplifted diapers, too. And this all somehow qualifies under “accidents and emergencies”, because they accidentally walked in to a store and started throwing shit into their cart they knew they couldn’t pay for, got caught, and now it’s an emergency.
If you can’t afford a package of diapers for your baby, your whole life is an accident and emergency. Just sayin’. Time to get used to it.
All this seems perfectly understandable. I’m sure it went down exactly as described with the cops, too. They’re the bad guys, not the unfit greaseballs who willingly put their children in the situation. Daddy dickless sure seems like he’d be really respectful and agreeable during an interaction with Law Enforcement, too.
Any bets on whether or not he’s a “sovereign citizen” who “knows his rights”? What’s the over/under on that one? Just look at his version of events.
James: *Posts incessantly on Facebook about killing cops*
Also James: *I couldn’t possibly hide weapons in my effeminate hispter skinny jeans. Stop abusing me, give me my free diapers and let me go home to cry*
I don’t really believe that anyone was smirking and laughing at all, honestly. But if they were, it wasn’t because of two crying kids, asshat. I guarantee anyone that sees you out in public feels terribly for them, especially when it comes out you can’t even be bothered to earn enough money to keep them in diapers. I know I do. If anyone is laughing, it’s because the two of you look objectively fucking ridiculous.
God forbid they lose the kids they can’t afford to provide with the most basic of necessities, though. The ones they take along with them while they break the law. Those kids. That would be a fucking tragedy. Think of the children. If their shitbag parents aren’t around to neglect and fail them at every turn, who will?!
And of course this is “oppression” and “injustice”. Because apparently if you are two able-bodied grown adults perpetually dressed for a Fallout Boy concert, and choose to procreate despite entirely lacking the life skills and financial means to sustain a family, the laws should not apply to you. How dare you expect them to afford diapers – hair dye and black nail polish doesn’t just grown on trees! What are you going to demand next, that the kids get 3 square meals a day and housing stability?
Don’t be such unreasonable Fascist pigs. Not everyone has the luxury of working endless 12 hour shifts to provide basic care for their offspring.
And there’s only so many hours in the day, guys. How can you expect these two to find the time to work so much as even part-time? These public-restroom mirror selfies and ironic emo one-liners aren’t going to just post themselves. Be realistic.
Oh, you work two jobs, struggling single mom reading this blog? Well, fuck you, stop throwing your privilege around. You don’t even know what it’s like to suffer like Mortitia and Cousin It do. They spend their days not exhausted and sore, home with their kids, taking family field trips to boost shit from the local Wal-Mart. They’re probably never cried in a bathroom stall while waiting tables at 10pm after working an 8-5 day job because they are dead tired and feel like they’re somehow failing their kids. They can’t be so fortunate. Oh, no. In fact, despite objectively failing their kids in every way imaginable, they’ve never felt like they’re failing their kids at all. Not. Once.
They’re making sacrifices for their kids. Have some respect. They’re just not gonna sacrifice any hours of the day on a job schedule.
Yeah, Gabriel, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you know you’re brown? Where’s your oppression and self-pity? You’re out here working for a living, paying your own way, while these two gutterslugs have to work hard at fabricating excuses to be the victim. Every. Single. Day.
Do you even know how hard it is to fight back against white privilege like they do, Gabriel? It’s such a struggle playing the oppressed minority when you happen to be the majority. Have some respect.
And, by the way, unlike the rest of the world – they have bills.
And some people don’t have parents to coddle them while they’re supposed to be the parents, you know. So they can only rely on the government to do it, and all that free money and free time isn’t enough when you want things, but don’t possess enough maturity and self-discipline to earn them.
So of course they’re going to need to steal! That’s two whole bills, which is “more than you can imagine.”, elitist swine who was born into the luxury and privilege of spending 75% of your life working non-stop until you die so that welfare wallops like this can live off your labor. You don’t understand the hardship of having 90% of your living expenses covered despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve it. We should all pity them and give them some sweet, work-free donation cash. You can’t possibly expect even one of them, let alone both, to get a job in the strongest economy and job growth this country has seen in 50 years. If you think these two should be oppressed into having to take responsibility for the life choices they have made, and the not one but TWO lives they chose to bring into it….well then, sir or madame, you clearly hate the poor. And you clearly are the problem.
That would just be absurd.