Sports

Gregg Doyel Keeps Embarrassing Colts Fans By Saying Patriots Fans Lost With Deflategate

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Newspapers are a dying industry. It’s the main reason people read Turtleboy Sports instead of the Telegram. Before the Internet you needed a printing press and a gigantic staff to get the news out to people. So reporters basically had a monopoly on the news because they controlled the means of production. Now that people can share information online we have no use for newspapers. So the only way to survive in this industry is to do what people like Clive McFarlane do – agitate. Just say outrageous shit and people will click on your article. There are two primary trolls who used Deflategate to further their shitty ass careers as wannabe journalists – Bob Kravitz and Gregg Doyel. Both of these chumps were the definition of irrelevant until this story came around, which is the primary reason they made it their thing.

But Kravitz and Doyel are very different. Kravitz is a nerdlinger.

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He fancies himself a real journalist and thought he was on his way to being the next Bob Woodward by “breaking” the story of Deflategate. The problem of course was that his Deep Throat was, gave him the wrong information. We now know of course that only 1 of the 12 balls was slightly deflated – the one that the Colts illegally stole from the Patriots on the DQ Jackson interception and then magically disappeared. So because he thinks he’s a real journalist he issued some sort of apology, admitting that he rushed to judgement. Because he’s still trying to pretend he’s a real journalist. Kravitz is probably a nice guy who got carried away and feels dumb now.

Doyel on the other hand is a professional asshole. He’s the bald Mike Felger, except Felger actually attempts to use facts and occasionally admits he’s wrong. He spells Gregg with three G’s, which by definition makes him an asshole. He also fancies himself some sort of maverick because he boxes in his free time

gregg doyel boxing

had a mohawk back when he could grow hair

gregg doyel indy star

and poses for picture with a hammer.

gregg doyel article about patriots

150% bad ass. You know that guy isn’t gonna turtle like Kravitz. He’s gonna go down swinging, which is why he is continuing to be a page view whore by writing bullshit articles like the one he wrote two days ago for the Indy Star. Instead of admitting that he completely fucked up in his rush to judgement, the main idea of his article was that everybody lost with Deflategate – the Patriots, the Colts, the media, and Patriots fans in particular.

Ya got that? The Super Bowl champions and their fans lost. Let’s look at just how stupid he really is.

1. The Patriots lost. Here’s his first sentence on why the Patriots lost with Deflategate:

“They’re the biggest losers in this, because perception is reality — and the perception is, the Patriots did it again.”

That’s all you really need to read right there. The Patriots lost with Deflategate because moronic fucktards deny facts. That’s it. Dumb people PERCEIVE us to be cheaters, and logically Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady should give a shit what they think.

“But even if the NFL concludes that the Patriots didn’t deflate the footballs themselves — that it was done atmospherically or otherwise (more on that in a minute) — it won’t matter. Because the country has decided, and we’ve decided the Patriots are guilty.”

No Gregg. The rest of the country hasn’t decided that. You tried to make them all believe that, but then unfortunately reports came out that proved you were lying. Stupid facts. No one really believes this anymore, but calling the champions cheaters makes losers feel nice and warm inside, so they pretend to believe it to make themselves feel better.

“The Patriots are the biggest losers. I’d love to see Super Bowl XLIX vacated. I’d love to see Belichick suspended the entire 2015 season.”

Ya see that right there? That’s a prime example of what a sellout this chump is. He’s gone full Indy fan boy. I’m not mad at him for that, because that’s exactly what I am – a biased fan boy. But the difference is I admit it. This idiot writes for a major newspaper for a city that’s bigger than Boston. He’s supposed to be above people like me. But he’s not, because he realizes that people like me are putting people like him out of business. He has no choice but to copy the blogging fan boy model or else he’ll go right back to being an irrelevant reporter for some midwestern city no one gives a shit about.

Tom Brady deflategate memes

2. The Colts lost. 

“That seemed pretty clear this week during the NFL Scouting Combine when Colts coach Chuck Pagano had to answer a question about a report — or wishful thinking, or flat-out fiction, or whatever passes for “reporting” in the dirtiest crevices of the New England media — that it was the Colts, not the Patriots, who deflated the football. As this report/fantasy/outright fabrication goes, the Colts got their hands on one of the Patriots’ footballs when linebacker D’Qwell Jackson intercepted Tom Brady in the second quarter. Jackson brought the ball to the Colts sideline, where someone deflated it and turned it into the NFL, blaming the deflation on the Patriots.”

So let me get this straight Gregg. It’s “fantasy” to believe the Colts deflated one of the 12 balls in a game in which they were already on the lookout for deflated balls going into it? That’s fantasy. But a ball boy taking 12 footballs into a bathroom for 90 seconds and deflating 11 of them by exactly 2 PSI is completely believable? Got it. The best part is that this ding-dong referenced the article by Michael Hurley that was actually making fun of Gregg Doyel. It was satire. Hurley created a conspiracy theory to point out how easy it was to fabricate conspiracy theories. And because you’re so just so fucking stupid you couldn’t help yourself but believe he was being serious. Seek help.

My favorite part about this argument is that the Colts lost because their coach Chuck Pagano had to answer a couple questions about a conspiracy involving deflated balls at the NFL combine. Poor guy was distracted from watching fat bastards do the 40 yard dash so he can figure out who he’s gonna draft in the 6th round. That must’ve way more distracting than having to answer questions about deflated ball conspiracies nonstop while preparing for the Super Bowl.

hzaiu

3. The media lost. 

“The stories out of New England were spun to explain the deflated footballs, while the stories out of Indianapolis went hard after the Patriots.”

Wrong again dipshit. If you turned on 98.5 anyway from 2-6 PM during the two weeks prior to the Super Bowl, Goofus and Gallant were there with fat boy talking about how the Patriots cheated. They fell for your bullshit because just like you, they are trolls. Felger and Mazz want people to call up and yell at them so they agitate. And it works. They’re no different from you.

4. The fans lost. This was the most hilarious of all his arguments:

“New England fans came after local reporter Bob Kravitz with anti-Semitism. They came after me with personal attacks on my divorce. The day after my first critical column on DeflateGate, someone slashed one of my car’s tires.”

I’m so sad!! People said mean things to me on Twitter!! They called Bob Kravitz a Jew because he happens to be Jewish!! That’s so sad. Hey dipshit – welcome to the big leagues. I have 1,500 followers on Twitter and I could compile a list of 1,000 meaner things people have called me that’s worse than being called a Jew. Kravitz has over 60,000 followers, so if being called a Jew is the worst he’s seen I suggest he get the sand out of his va-jay-jay and walk it off. Do I complain when people tell me they wished I’d been killed in the Marathon bombing? Nope. Do I complain when people call me a “faggot?” Nope. Because I asked for it. This is the life I chose – the life of a blogging troll. If you and Kravitz had stuck to classical journalism then people wouldn’t be saying mean things to you on Twitter. But you poked the bear because it brought you page views and now you can’t handle the collateral damage. Welcome to the mother fucking show Greggy.

Oh yea, and no one believes that your tires were slashed either. After all, you have a history of lying about objects that were deflated by New Englanders.

The bottom line is only a moron thinks the Patriots fans lost anything with this, because, ya know, we won the Super Bowl. When Malcolm Butler made that interception I understood why people do drugs. It just just felt so good. I’ll never forget how good it felt to shove it in everyone else’s face, and I’ll be able to do that the rest of my life. Sorry Gregg, I’m not a loser. I’m a winner.

No Gregg, the real losers here were Colts fans, and it’s all your fault. You and Kravitz were their leaders. You told them the Patriots cheated. They put their faith in you, jumped on the bandwagon and started feeding into your bullshit. Now that it’s turned out to be a lie they feel stupid. Look what Colts fans are saying on your latest masterpiece:

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It’s humiliating for Colts fans. If they had lost 28-24 it might not be as embarrassing. At least then they could argue that the imaginary cheating cost them the game. But they just got EMASCULATED. They don’t wanna think about that game any more. I know I wouldn’t if the Patriots lost 45-7. I would act like it never happened. But people like Doyel make their fans not only relive it time and time again, but give the rest of the country the impression that all Colts fans are delusional nudniks just like Doyel and Kravtiz.

But of course we know that all fan bases have dumb fans. And that’s who Doyel is catering to – dumb fans. Them and Patriots fans like me who wanna call him out for being such a slug rake. If he couldn’t elicit comments like this then he wouldn’t write it:

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The game ended 45-7. There was not a single moment in that game that can be referred to as the “critical point.”

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You’re right. Butthurt Patriot haters are everywhere, not just Indianapolis. When it seemed like they cheated they all jumped on the ship. But now that it’s hit an iceberg the smart ones are jumping into the life boats. The idiots like Gregg Doyel are playing the violin as the ship goes down.

Then finally there was this genius.

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Exactly Clarence. Exactly.

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