We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible: Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Scavone Plumbing, Michael Gaffney, Bennie’s Cafe, Craftech Restoration, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Attorney Michael Erlich, H-S Trading Firearms, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors, HomeWarrantyReports.com, The Gun Parlor Range, 3B Auto, Pepe’s Restaurant, Firesafe Chimney Services, Attorney Anthony Salerno, North End Motor Sales.
Looks like we’ve got ANOTHER candy hoax on our hands. This time it’s from Chicopee, where some kid “found” a needle in his Milky Way:
LOL. Nice try kid. There is a 185% chance that some kid did this himself for attention. It’s all the rage with kids these days. Children love attention. Children are dumb. Children do dumb things. But they only want a LITTLE attention. That’s what the kid in Auburn planned. Unfortunately for kids, they are dumb and they don’t realize how big stories like this will get. Only a matter of time until they come clean.
How could a needle possibly come end up in there? Does the evil neighbor process bite size Milky Way’s in his basement? Because I’m not a scientist, but I’m struggling to find a way in which the creepy guy next door could get that needle into the candy bar without completely giving himself away. When the kid went to the house was he handed the candy bar with a taped up wrapper and cut in half candy bar? If not, then it’s literally impossible to get the needle in there. If you wanna pursue it with whoever the manufacturer was then knock yourself out. But you’re wasting your time because the kid did it. Obviously.
You know what the dead giveaway was? It’s a Milky Way. You wouldn’t see this done to a Snickers or a Baby Ruth, or God forbid a 100 Grand bar (the ultimate Halloween candy and a rare find at that). Because no kid in America is willing to waste one of those bad boys. But Milky Ways suck. Same with Three Musketeers. Where’s the crunch? Where’s the nuts? When you go to the house giving out Milky Way you wanna egg it. That’s what this was – a revenge job by an angry kid.
The bottom line is that no one actually fucks with candy. We tell kids that lie because we were told that lie and the people who told us that lie were told that lie. But it’s literally never happened. No one’s gonna waste perfectly good ecstasy or acid or a razor blade or a needle on some kid they don’t know. Because they get nothing out of it. And if it was someone hell bent on killing innocent people they don’t know, and they were smart and crafty enough to fit a needle in a Milky Way, they wouldn’t waste their time with such small town nonsense. They’d go up to the Quabbin Reservoir and dump chemicals in it that could wipe out half the state.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.