Turtleboy Investigates

Guy Who “Found” Achim Bailey’s Phone Says He’s Suing Turtleboy And Is Doing A Facebook Live Tomorrow With Western Mass News Reporter James Villalobos 

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If you haven’t been following the story about missing Springfield man Achim Bailey and the questionable circumstances in which volunteer Dante Pagan discovered his fully functional cell phone 12 days after he went missing, then read this and then this.

Now that you’re caught up, we received this in our inbox today:

Oh goody, another Internet lawsuit!

For the record, I never actually came out and said this guy is a murderer in the blog I wrote. I just pointed out how he lied about finding a working phone underneath a bridge by the railroad tracks. For starters, if it was there for 12 days it would’ve been destroyed from the snowstorm and ensuing downpour that melted it all. Secondly, he said he got there at 5 AM when it was pitch black outside. Thirdly, he said he found the phone underneath a bridge on the railroad tracks, which he believes explains why it wasn’t damaged by snow.

But anyone who’s ever survived a New England winter knows that a 50 foot bridge isn’t going to protect what’s underneath it from the elements. And more importantly, this is a picture a volunteer at the scene sent to us from where he found the phone.

As you can see, he lied about finding it underneath a bridge.

Fourthly, he contradicted himself when he first said that he picked up the phone because it was about to get run over by a train:

But he previously said he picked it up because homeless people were coming.

Lie, after lie, after lie. These are not debatable. It doesn’t mean he killed Achim Baily, but it does mean he’s a liar. Obviously we would never threaten him or condone anyone else doing that, but we can’t control how people react to our factually based reporting. So we look forward to hearing from this Internet iPhone salesman’s attorney to discuss the massive lawsuit coming our way on Monday.

In the meantime, I wonder if his lawyer advised him to do this:

That’s James Villalobos from Western Mass news, who has been covering this story extensively. Evidently Dante’s imaginary lawyer advised him to sit down and do a Facebook Live session with him at some point on Sunday. Check his page for updates, because I’m sure it’s going to be mind blowing.

P.S. Abi started hitting on him and he wasn’t pleased. He responded by pretending to be his baby momma who by all means can’t stand his guts.  

Another lie.

Double P.S. He posted this yesterday.

That should help ease suspicions.

32 Comment(s)
  • J. Chithers Mugg
    January 27, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    If the train was going to run it over than it would have already been run over by another train unless they run less frequently than every 12 days.

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    January 27, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    Wants upon a time…

  • Bubba Gump
    January 27, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    Also to all of the cell phone experts out there when a battery gets low phones go into an energy saving sleeper mode. I got the wife a new phone and a month later we turned her old phone on to get some pictures and it fired right up with 10% battery.

    • Ebenezer
      January 27, 2019 at 7:02 pm

      Your wife’s old phone was indoors.  The phone in question was outside for days in sub freezing temperatures, and exposed to snow and rain.  Extreme cold runs down batteries very quickly, as anyone who’s carried an iPhone around in a hose conditions will tell you.

      • Ebenezer
        January 27, 2019 at 7:05 pm

        Sorry, *those* conditions

  • Bubba Gump
    January 27, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    Just because the guy who found the phone struggles to read or write and lacks common sense that doesn’t make him a murderer.
    Look at Forrest Gump, everyone thought he was a moron and look at all the great things he did!

  • Hypotheticals
    January 27, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Surrre, maybe this guy killed Achim because he wanted his cell phone. Then again maybe a shit faced Achim was walking the tracks to his moms house (where he still lives) tripped over a rail dropping his phone (that his mom pays for) got scared because he thought the women at the bar who he assaulted were going to press charges so he jumped off a bridge into an icy river and drowned?

  • Hit the road, Dante!
    January 27, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Dante, you’re not taking life saving advice. R-U-N!!! Go to Google Flights and type BDL (it’s only 20 min away). Then, the world is yours!

  • Professor Plum
    January 27, 2019 at 12:07 pm

    The true murder here is of the English language. Don’t people go to school anymore? He is a complete moron and is obviously shady as fuck

    • Brock Tunne
      January 27, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      Someone should start a Gofundme page to buy this balloon head a dictionary and the Hooked On Phonics Collectors Edition.

  • Imma Be Um Soo U
    January 27, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    Another low IQ Chud who needs to pickup where he left off; the 5th grade.

  • Captain Trips
    January 27, 2019 at 11:11 am

    If anything, he’s guilty of bad grammar and spelling

  • 3 Chainz
    January 27, 2019 at 11:02 am

    Yo Yo let’s not all forget Achim Bailey is a belligerent drunk who got kicked out of a bar for inappropriately groping random women. He’s a real OG.

    What’s with this douche reporter who is giving the bar owner shit for not calling and paying for an Uber for Achim? I had no idea it was a bars responsibility to provide free transportation for every grown man who decides to get drunk at their bar. Nanny state much?

    • Captain Trips
      January 27, 2019 at 11:14 am

      Darwinism at work. Play stupid, get stupid prizes.

  • Leigha
    January 27, 2019 at 10:03 am

    You can’t shame the shameless. If I had a penny for every one of your characters getting on the Internet lawsuit bandwagon and another penny for their butchering grammar, I’d retire comfortably. 

    • Albert DeSalvo
      January 27, 2019 at 7:05 pm

      you ever done it standing up?

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    January 27, 2019 at 9:47 am

    Please don’t tell me James has a wife named Esmerelda.

  • Dick vulva
    January 27, 2019 at 9:23 am

    An imputation of a crime is defamatory per se. So unless Turtleboy can prove he is a murder, he’s got a case. He should probably wait a few months to see how everything pans out.

    • Papi
      January 27, 2019 at 10:18 am

      You talking about the thumb again?

  • Joe Friday
    January 27, 2019 at 8:42 am

    Just keep talking stupid and do all the work for us…

  • Lipstick Hippie
    January 27, 2019 at 8:27 am

    Anyone else find it rather humorous that the wall behind him in the first photo says “SCAM?”. Actually that may be the biggest clue yet…

  • Bret
    January 27, 2019 at 8:20 am

    Guilty people always interject themselves into investigations to see if they got away with it. In my opinion he either killed him, or had a hand in it.

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 27, 2019 at 8:11 am

    The dictionary has a word for this guy: IDIOT that’s the word that describes this street cheetah perfectly…

  • Billy Shakes
    January 27, 2019 at 8:09 am

    Me thinks he doth protest too much!

  • Carnita Rosado
    January 27, 2019 at 7:30 am

    Yo he was the one pretending to be his baby mama. He make his voice all high like a girls and talk out loud while he typing that how we know he doing it. Dante need extra help since he was little

  • Richard N Vulva, Esq.
    January 27, 2019 at 7:19 am

    for whatever its worth, there are plenty of waterproof cases out there which would protect a phone if it were dropped in the snow for a week. Also, the phone wouldn’t get damaged unless you turned it on while it was wet… If its off and gets soaked it’ll continue to work fine once you dry it out and turn it on. Not that he’s bright enough to know that though.

  • Try it lefty
    January 27, 2019 at 7:06 am

    I am suing him on behalf of the English language. Anyone who writes, “Should of” instead of, “Should have”, needs to be thrown in jail.
    While we’re at we should also lock up all of the language mutants who pronounce the T in often as well as people who write “yea” instead of “yeah”.

  • Build the wall
    January 27, 2019 at 6:36 am

    He should start first with sueing the public school system and every teacher he had (assuming he is a legal citizen of the united states of america) for being a cunthair higher than the level required to be considered a full blown retard. His murdering of the english language in his fb posts are extremely offensive to me and should be to everyone. This retard is guilty of something relating to this missing person. What it is, I do not know but to me its good enough to lock this prick up.

  • Just a thought
    January 27, 2019 at 3:28 am

    I think maybe he found it and planned on selling it. Then when he charged it up and turned it on realized he was holding a missing person’s phone and tried to cover his ass.

    • Probable Cause
      January 27, 2019 at 7:48 am

      If that’s what he’s planning to go with then he should have erased all of the selfies that he took with the body of the deceased.

    • More Likely
      January 27, 2019 at 3:24 pm

      He knew he had a missing person’s phone after he took the phone and then made that person go missing.

  • Me
    January 27, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Not to mention that he kept referring to Achim as if he is dead.
    Dude better work on his grammar skills understand what an actual civil lawsuit involves: depositions and discovery. Yeah. Go ahead. Dig your hole deeper.

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