Social Justice Warriors

Hampshire College Lawyer Threatens To Sue Turtleboy Because Students Are Butthurt About Being Called Out For Being Buttnuts

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So we had an email forwarded to us from some lawyer at Hampshire Hamster College, about some of the recent blogs we’ve written about some of their students. She did NOT send this to my email address for some reason, because obviously she is WICKED smart like that. Her email is in italics and our rational thoughts appear in bold.

Dear Turtleboy Sports:

It has recently come to our attention that Turtleboy Sports has posted content on its blog and Twitter page about Hampshire College and its students. The posts are ill-informed, inaccurate and misleading, and the manner in which those statements are expressed is harassing and disparaging. The blog post is produced as a search result when

expulsion-of-students-over-imaginary-racism-and-sexual-assaults/” is entered as a search

term in the Google search engine. (See enclosed printouts of search results from Google).

So let me get this straight. You took a URL to a blog, and you typed it into a search engine? I don’t think you understand what a search engine is. If you already had the URL, it means you were already on the site. No search engine required. 

The Twitter posts are found on the Twitter page for @TurtleBoySports. The College has received multiple complaints about these posts.

Translation – this weenie Xavier A. Torres de Janon has been hounding her with emails and phone calls because the Internet violated his nonexistent safe space. 


But instead of being an adult and telling him that it’s not your job to protect him from public criticism when he voluntarily gives quotes to Masslive, you tried to email us, hoping he’d be satisfied and leave you alone. Based on his Facebook posts, this is an ineffective strategy, because this little turdlinger will always be “traumatized” and feel “targeted and unsafe” in his simple delusional mind:

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Please understand that the College does not object to your right to express your opinions or report truthfully and accurately on public issues or events.

It’s OK, we weren’t looking for your permission in the first place. Our rights come from the United States Constitution. Feel free to get acquainted with it, because it’s a fantastic document. 

Rather, we are genuinely concerned that the manner in which you are reporting and expressing your views is causing substantial harm to our students and community members.

Translation – the kids who are under my care are a bunch of pussies. And when you call them out on being hypocritical, tyrannical buttnuts, and then use their own words against them, this “harms” them. You should be nicer, because as a lawyer I can tell you that it’s against the law not to be nice. 


Further, the use of the Hampshire College name in connection with false or disparaging statements violates the College’s trademark rights under law.

Please, point out the false things we wrote about Hamster College. Everything we reported on your “school” came directly from Masslive. We simply provided our opinions based on what was reported and written by students on social media. Oh that’s right, she didn’t list in the email what parts of the blog she is alleging are lies. She just realized that graduation is right around the corner and she’s hoping that sending this email will shut Xavier’s piehole until the day finally comes when she never has to see him again. 

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Consequently, you must immediately cease and desist from posting this and any other content about Hampshire College students intended to harass, disparage or harm. Please confirm within five (5) days from the date of this letter that you have undertaken these actions. Hampshire College reserves its rights to take legal action if you fail to comply.

Nah, we must not do anything actually. Probably just keep doing what we’re doing by calling out each and every social justice warrior terrorist who has declared war on free speech and tolerance of thought. 

I look forward to your response.

Which you won’t be getting. 

Sincerely yours,

Joanna Olin

Chief of Staff and Counsel

Chief of Staff and Counsel? This is a job? It costs $48,000 a year to attend Hamster College. It would probably be a lot cheaper if students didn’t have a lawyer on retainer to protect them from mean, factually based things people are writing on the Internet. 

All this kid Xavier did by doing this was simply confirm what we already knew – he has no shot at surviving in reality. The first time someone is mean to him he’s not gonna know what to do. He’s gonna look for a safe space or an advocate to make it stop, but no one will be there. He’ll have to figure out how to cope but he won’t know how to because every adult at Hamster College failed him. This is where poor idiots like Xavier get the idea that a safe space exists. Because adults like Joanna Olin are teaching them that their fantasies are a reality. 

Allow me to make myself abundantly clear – Don’t. Poke. The. Turtle.

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I’m not sure what you morons aren’t understanding about that. I don’t know why you insist on feeding us material in the form of stupid, dumbass emails like this. But make no doubt about it – social justice warriors have declared war on the First Amendment and we will DIE fighting to protect it.

This is Joanna Olin’s LinkedIn:

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Her experiences in courtrooms is minimal according to the work experience she lists. Instead her law degree is being wasted at Hamster College where she has to listen to these professional victims whine to her about their feelings all day. She’s been away from reality for so long that she actually believes the ridiculous things she wrote in that email. They all have. College campuses like this are literally another planet. You saw what happened at Missouri with Professor Missy Click. She assaulted a student for violating a nonexistent safe space in the middle of campus:

And to students at Missouri it was perfectly normal behavior. But to the rest of the world we saw it for the fascism that it was. And in the end the school lost millions of dollars, enrollment declined by 25%, and Missy Click is unemployed. Because that’s how reality works.

Anyway, we stand by each and every negative thing we said about this joke of a college. The email actually makes it a million times worse. This would never happen at a real college. Hamster College has no gradesThey are clearly a breeding ground for butthurt losers who think that they can call people names but other people can’t criticize them in return. Here’s the first review of the school on Unigo:

Imagine going to school in a densely populated Occupy protestors’ camp: the smells of unwashed bodies and clothes, the sights of hairy, unwashed people, the sounds of drums beating and dogs barking throughout the camp; at night, the deep groanings of souls in distress and mental torment; the sense of there being no right, no wrong, no up or down, no east or west, no adults, just angst-soaked middle schoolers in an alternate universe with nothing to do–just grey, bloody senseless clawing at the earth and eachother for something that spoke of life and meaning, goodness and justice, love, mercy, purity–just for a moment.. Each day you would wake up and see, smell, and hear the same cold, overbearing, self-righteous, and incoherent child-people complaining, cursing the cosmos, cursing God, cursing one another, babbling, accomplishing nothing. This gives some idea of what it’s like to attend Hampshire. Now place the same camp near some woods and hills that are quite pretty at certain times of year, and you have the whole picture. I attended Hampshire for four years. This wasn’t typical–most students took far longer. I had come from a demanding public school, so I was self-disciplined. Most students were not; they were generally rich and lazy, extremely depressed, incoherent, and belligerent. Sadly, I saw many students become deeply and permanently scarred by their experience there. For example, one student became notorious for practicing bizarre, revolting antics on campus closed-circuit cable TV (e.g., beheading animals, performing sexual acts with himself). He invited his brother on the show and promoted it as a time when his brother would commit suicide. Many students were watching. His brother took a cup full of orange liquid, drank it, and collapsed. The host tried to rouse him, and was apparently surprised; it was not intended, but was a stunt. But, in fact, the student’s brother committed suicide live on campus TV. This was not particularly extraordinary for Hampshire. The demographics of the school were generally upper income East Coast students who had attended private or alternative high schools. My experience was that my peers were generally very poorly prepared for a rigorous college educational experience. They did not know the basics of math, history, humanities– hence, the long lag in graduation times. I am now a teacher, and this group would have been more qualified for remedial adult education, such as GED instruction. I also worked in health care, and observed many of the same behaviors here that I saw in inpatient psychiatric units. Classes were not rigorous, compared to others I attended at the local universities with which Hampshire has co-op arrangements; in fact, my high school AP classes were far more demanding than Hampshire’s. Sadly, most faculty did not raise the bar for these underprepared students, and the classes generally devolved into the same, tired screeds about race, gender, sexuality, etc–even if the class content had nothing to do with it. This was so often the case that it became pointless to attend class, as the class was not really run by the professor, but by the students, who had nothing new to say, but certainly demanded to say it again anyway. As compared with the campuses I visited and attended classes at nearby, Hampshire was the most intolerant , elitist, hostile, and socially toxic. Drug use, sales, and abuse was rampant; the school had the reputation for being the drug capital of the East Coast- a notoriety that was extraordinary considering its >1000 student size and hefty price tag. Abortions were as common as eggs for breakfast, as were treated or untreated mental illnesses. Students came to class without literally any clothes and no one said boo–just sat there with in class, sitting on overstuffed chair with their stuff hanging (and smelling). Most students I knew were engaged in some form of dark art–witchcraft, seances, wicca, black/white magic, past life regression, talking with deceased spirits. I can think of only student of I knew who could even begin to construct a coherent worldview, have a decent discussion, or form a healthy relationship. (She was a very nice girl from the Queens borough of NYC; blue collar, worked her way through school, hard working. No angst, just a nice hardworking student who was a true friend) I would encourage anyone considering attending Hampshire to factor in not only the 45,000/year tuition, but about 12,000 /year in psychiatric services + a 1,000/year in meds you may need to spend for many years thereafter. There is no way to estimate the cost to your life of the damage this school will cause. I say this with all sincerity and hope that you will consider this as a real warning. I attended Hampshire because I had never visited it; I was told that I was accepted over the phone and attended sight unseen. Had I known these truths about Hampshire and had others looked into it with me, I would never, ever have attended here. I say this with an awareness of others’ reviews here; as a whole, they sound much like what I would have written when I attended. In other words, not so bad. But the damage that was being done to many students took years to be revealed. Like termites, or exposure to radiation the damage was done and continuing, but would not be manifested until years later.

He’s not even lying. We Googled it. Someone actually committed suicide on campus television.

Anyway, we just wanted to send this message to Xavier – you can’t beat us. You’ve been winning at Hamster College because they give into you. But we don’t give in. We always win, and the hippies always lose. Just walk away and we you won’t be featured on anymore Turtleboy blogs. We only write about people who make themselves public figures. So if you just live life like a normal adult and stop calling people racist or rapists, and seeking out the media, then we won’t have anything to write about. Or just keep poking the turtle and bothering your free school lawyer. Whatever you think is best sunshine. Either way we go strap for strap at Turtleboy Sports. Your move.




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22 Comment(s)
  • BlackandWhite
    April 29, 2016 at 7:27 am

    How about holding the student(s) accountable for their egregious behavior? Did the college also see the post on Reddit about the event? (no mention of TB on Reddit, though). This whole debacle went national viral W-A-Y before TurtleBoy wrote an article. I’m glad that alumni and parents are seeing SJW extremists from a whole new perspective. And I can’t wait for the backlash to have a financial hit to all these colleges. It’s about time.

  • susan longley
    April 28, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    Hello Tutleboys:

    I’m in Canada but love it.There are Xaviers and

  • Dr. Necessitor
    April 28, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    You should check out Xavier’s hilarious senior thesis: “A Comparative Racial Framework under the Brown Scare: Post-9/11 U.S. Racialization and Persecution of Muslim-Arabs and Latin@s”

    Yup, a dude from Ecuador wrote 125 pages to call Americans racist over and over again.

  • Dr Giggles
    April 28, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Didn’t that kid once bring a clock to the White House?

  • Feinstein and Forlizzi
    April 28, 2016 at 10:04 am

    You better leave fiesty alone or we’ll serve you with some paperwork.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    April 28, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Well I for one am happy that my leader will be a reality star or an attractive Clinton Woman. Sure Chelsea is a hot guy you could rub one out to but Ivanka……………

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    April 28, 2016 at 8:18 am

    I was rubbing my kitty this morning and reading blogs when it suddenly hit me. I have to go to court and get Pedro out of jail because he got high on crack last night, punched a couple teeth out of his girlfriend and was stopped driving a stolen car without a license.

    If all goes well he will be released on PR so he can do it again tonight and the court will give me $800 for my time.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      April 28, 2016 at 4:38 pm

      Not a public defender, nor do I even dabble in criminal law. I rather douse my entire body in gasoline and throw a match at my toes. Poof!

  • TDF
    April 28, 2016 at 7:53 am

    That school write-up was Literary Gold…..

  • The Great Dolemite
    April 28, 2016 at 7:27 am

    Yo Kevin! How many miniature dogs you got now in you moms basement? Word on the street am you feed dem antifreeze an bananas. It must smells like an African shag shack down there bra.

  • The Great Dolemite
    April 28, 2016 at 7:20 am

    Kevin Lynch in da houzzze! Yo bra, you still chillin’ in yo mamas basement collectin welfare chips an bangin da little spanish boy?

  • Trump's boy penis
    April 28, 2016 at 7:11 am

    Love it. Great article

  • Reddog
    April 28, 2016 at 5:19 am

    Kevin,your still here? I thought you’d given up and moved on to greener pastures.

  • fordsnharleys
    April 28, 2016 at 2:39 am

    Thank you for finally posting a picture I can fap to. I thought the thing had stopped working but it was just your last few blogs on that SJW.

  • Kevin lynch
    April 28, 2016 at 1:19 am

    Turtleboy screens it’s facebook,lol. They control speech as they only let their sissy friends join in the conversation. Lmao

    • Finnish Goalie
      April 28, 2016 at 7:49 am

      Why hello!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      April 28, 2016 at 10:56 am

      You are the biggest asshole of them all. Before I started posting here in March I had no idea who you were. Then I started looking into you… and I was so disgusted. You are a murdering pedophile. You deserve to be choked until the brink of death, then released, and then choked again.

      There is a special place in hell for people like you, right on the Devils hot scorching dick.

  • NotALawyer
    April 27, 2016 at 11:19 pm

    I’ll have you know my mom says you’re a meanie for posting mean things on the internet, Mr turtle.

  • Wabbitt
    April 27, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    Ok… so just NOTHING is getting through… fun.

    • Wabbitt
      April 27, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      I had a great joke, but I guess it’s verboten since I wrote it twenty different ways and no go.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        April 27, 2016 at 11:07 pm

        Same here… I gave up and posted to FB. It’s weird and random how that happens.

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