Hardos Are Losing Their Minds Because Braintree High School Is Playing A Meaningless Football Game Against Milton On Wednesday Instead Of Thanksgiving

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Trigger warning – most turtle riders will probably disagree with us on this blog. But that’s OK, because it’s OK to disagree once in a while.

It’s supposed to be freezing balls on Thanksgiving, so schools around the state are moving their Thanksgiving high school football games to Wednesday night or afternoon, when it’s supposed to be slightly less terrible. Nowhere has this been more controversial than Braintree, after the Mayor himself made the announcement on the Twitter machine (further establishing that Twitter is in fact the “public square” for legal purposes):

To me this is perfectly reasonable. My only question is, why is the Mayor in charge of this? This is how you know you’re small time – when the guy in charge of your city or town doubles as the guy who schedules high school football games.

Lots of schools already play their Turkey day games on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. North Middlesex plays St. Bernard’s on Wednesday night every year. Worcester South plays Worcester North on Wednesday night every year. This really isn’t a big deal. If you open up your Christmas presents on Christmas Eve does that mean we don’t celebrate Christmas?

It also makes tons of sense, because Thanksgiving is going to suck balls. It’s supposed to be a high of 15 right now. If you wanna prove you’re a hardo by standing in 10 degree weather watching a pointless football game then you obviously are well endowed, the likes of which I could only dream of being. But as for me, if my kid was playing, I would much, much, much rather stand there watch in 30 degree weather than 10 degree weather.

There’s also nothing more overrated and pointless than Thanksgiving Day football in Massachusetts. People around here get off on it, but most of the rivalries are one sided and the outcomes of the games ultimately only matter to the chud Al Bundy’s who never leave town and still rant about it at the local spoke 20 years after the fact. If your team isn’t in the playoffs right now then ultimately all this is is a glorified bowl game. And don’t even get me started on bowl games. Spoiler alert – St. John’s is going to beat St. Peter Marian and Doherty is going to beat Burncoat. I don’t have to follow high school sports to know that.

In this particular case Milton vs. Braintree is a stupid tradition. In my professional opinion Braintree’s natural rival is Weymouth, not Milton. They’re both bigger schools, and for some reason Weymouth plays Walpole, even though they’re nowhere near each other.

Nevertheless the triggering has begun……

Christian is packing heat in his trousers, that’s for sure. If you don’t show up on Thursday in pads then by definition you are a pussy. Sure, there won’t be any refs or coaches, but real men only play football on Thanksgiving morning.

If a high school football win is a memory of your lifetime, then your life sounds dulle and terrible.

So many people are whining about this game being “taken away from them”

Newsflash – they’re still playing. It’s just on Wednesday. Nothing was taken from your kids.

This Al Bundy is worried about how he will explain it to his children when they’re older:

And his son will obviously be scarred for life after hearing that one.

It’s mad disrespectful yo!!

If playing a meaningless high school football game (and when the winner of the game has no implication on the postseason then it is in fact without meaning) on a Wednesday instead of a Thursday is the most disrespected you’ve ever felt in your life, buckle up because life is about to bitch slap in the grundle.

John here is still “haunted” by his Al Bundy ghosts.

And this triggered snowflake created a Twitter account just to let the world know how much this devastates him.

How will he ever survive?

And of course they’ve started a petition:

Anyway, it’s happening all over the state and the Braintree people are the only ones who seem to be blowing a gasket. Check the Turtlegram and Gazette’s Twitter feed – half the schools are doing this.

There’s hardly any blowback on any of those tweets. A lot of people actually agree with my take on it, because they’re sane and don’t feel the need to prove hardo status by announcing to the world how much they enjoy standing outside in freezing balls conditions. Get over it. You’ll be OK.

19 Comment(s)
  • juror seven esq.
    November 21, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    get ready for big changes coming from the miaa. not just in football. Look for a big change in play offs in all sports. fact be known, many schools want to see end to thanksgiving match ups. have a long standing thanksgiving rivalry, play it at some other point in the season. will it be any less of a game? nothing worse than a one sided rivalry. think auburn vs oxford. oxford finally figured it out. moved on to a different match up. How about st. peter’s against st. john’s?

  • Moved on
    November 21, 2018 at 1:58 am

    So tragic all these “adults” who actually care about this crap. I get that you peaked at 17 and can’t bear to let go, but try to pretend you’ve done something interesting since high school. How desperately sad that all the townies gather on the sacred day to find relevance. SAD

  • rsxfan
    November 20, 2018 at 9:16 pm

    The irony of this blog, which I happen to love, going all SJW on Tday football, in defence of school districts cancelling games because it’s cold out, by SJW Superintendents. See Leominster HS super as an example. A cheer progam mom. Paula Deacon. You can’t make this shit up.

    Oh maaaa gawd, it’s going to be chilly.

    It’s not about hardos, it’s about a tradition game that brings towns together. No one really cares who wins, beyond the moment the game ends.

    The game is much more than football. It’s meeting up with old friends. Having fun with family from the other town. It’s about community.
    But yeah, go the ‘”hardo” angle. That isn’t what it’s about. I never played for either of the teams where I live, but I love going, and having fun with family, and neighbors.

    And you know what else it does? Bring in money that gets used in the sports programs locally. Because of idiotic decisions like these, those numbers will be down, significantly.


  • Glass cutter nipples
    November 20, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    But for the miaa superbowl it’s generally like zero degrees out especially if you’re in the later games. Guess you practice how you play so they wont need to worry about that anyways

  • True Reality Speaks
    Mirror Mirror
    November 20, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    I agree the townie poseurs are pathetic – but just imagine how much MORE pathetic the pussy wannabe hardos will be that couldn’t play their Thanksgiving game because it was a little cold out! Kids today are dumb downed and too soft, you’re not doing anything but making them metro SJWs that will vote Democrat and destroy this country.

  • all points
    November 20, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    ALL POSTS11/20/2018
    Thanksgiving Day Game is on Thursday at 10:00
    We apologize for the confusion. The Thanksgiving Day Game will remain on Thursday at 10:00 am at Braintree High School. Please dress appropriately, as it will be cold.

  • Bob
    November 20, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    The real question is, why didn’t you move the game to Friday afternoon or even better, Saturday afternoon. It’s supposed to be in the low teens on Wednesday night. If you are going to move the game, move it to 40 degrees and sunny on Saturday.

  • Crispy C
    November 20, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    Jesus you nailed this one.

    Honestly the football kids that become townies and relive their glory days on the gridiron are so so sad. If even 5 years after high school those are some of the best memories of your life then you either are a homo and miss locker room nakedness or live a sad sad life.

  • Don't Be a Lickspittle
    November 20, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Damned mollycoddled whippersnappers!

    In my day we played the Thanksgiving Day game no matter the weather. Why there was one day when we had to wear ice skates after we shoveled the field using teaspoons. We wore loincloths on a field that had a 30% grade. The coached would beat us with wet leather straps and the zebras carried 2X4s.

    Make High School Football Great Again.

    November 20, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    Damn what a bunch of pussy’ I played football in high school and none of our games were ever canceled because of weather. People wonder why just about every kid is a pussy now a days. It’s because you have dumb people who make dumb decisions that further pussify our society.

    For fuck sake, people keep doing this type of shit and pretty soon every kid in this country is going to be a little pussy. Not just 97% of the kids will be pussies but a 100% of these kids will be pussies. Just imagine if our country gets invaded in 15 – 20 years from now what do you think is going to happen? These kids will all bitch out and be like o00o0o no it’s way too cold to fight for our country. Let’s wait for the spring.

    People really need to stop being dumb and stop sheltering these children! Look what’s going on in college’ across this country. Every single one of those kids has been sheltered and when they get out of school they still cant wipe their own ass. They expect everything to be handed to them, they dont get their own way. they cry and bitch like toddlers in the candy aisle till they get what they want. None of them have a back bone and can not function as adults.

    It’s sad because most of these kids are very smart but they lack basic knowledge and commen sense. They might be smart but most dont even know how to change their own fucking light bulb’. I really hope this country gos to shit so natural selection can run its course! No more liberal trash, no more hoodbogger’, ratchet’ and welfare children and no more fucking idiots asking for handouts o and no more fucking junk boxes.

    Sounds like a better place already!

  • mike
    November 20, 2018 at 12:27 pm


  • Phong
    November 20, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    For some towns it’s a homecoming tradition sort of thing. When gammy and pawpaw fly in, and weird uncle Ted drives up from the cape with that lady who snorts when she laughs. It’s what people are used to, and a last minute change kinda screws stuff up.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 20, 2018 at 12:15 pm

    There’s no hard like an ex-HS football player hardo.

    “life lessons” LOL

    • Nick
      November 20, 2018 at 1:04 pm

      Damn man. The kid who was “haunted” by missing the game missed it cause he was recovering from cancer. Low blow man. It’s obvious you didn’t play sports and if you did prob rode the line. It’s funny how triggered you got about this that you had to write a blog about it…. rough.

      • Let me up, I've had enough
        November 20, 2018 at 1:52 pm

        @ Nick:

        You are a fucking tool.

        Happy Thanksgiving

      • randiguy2006
        Randall Guy
        November 21, 2018 at 1:14 pm

        I played sports.
        Then guess what?
        I grew up.

    • hahhahaha
      November 21, 2018 at 2:03 am

      Randall Guy- The only pathetic that tops a former High School football townie is his pudgy obnoxious former Cheerleader wife volunteering for every high school event. They reek of desperation, underemployment and dirty laundry.

  • Man up
    November 20, 2018 at 11:39 am

    wow Turtleboy went full on pussy for this one lol

  • Travis Rearick
    Pat the Patriot
    November 20, 2018 at 11:37 am

    Truly does not matter what day the teams play on. However I must note, I remember playing one of my Thanksgiving Day games at North Middlesex versus Nashoba Valley in the frigid temperatures (back when NM played Nashoba, then Nashoba got too good and NM was getting more terrible by the season), the ground was so frozen that I literally could not dig my cleats into the ground at all. Nobody had a problem with this, it even seemed to rile up the team and the fans more despite getting our asses whooped to cap off our 0-11 season. But I digress, great post Turtleboy.

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