If you bought a Hatchimal and it sounds like it’s saying “fuck me,” or it’s not hatching at all, then you deserve the scorn you’re getting from your kids for being a massive disappointment.
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In what is perhaps the greatest stroke of Karma ever, Hatchimals all over the place are not hatching:
Zero pity. None. If you bought one of these things because everyone else was doing it then you deserve nothing more than an overpriced toy that doesn’t work. I hope your kid hates you. Alright, maybe that’s too strong. But I hope they’re ungrateful pain in the asses. You tried taking the easy way out at Christmas. Instead of talking to your kid about the real meaning of Christmas and getting creative about what to get them, you joined the pajama pants/Newport Lights brigade and stood in line at Walmart on Black Friday. You made their happiness revolve around a stupid day that climaxes when it hatches. And then it never even did that. Fail.
Shit happens kids. Your parents aren’t doctors and neither are you. You don’t know how to deliver a baby, but you still took on that responsibility anyway. Some of you performed emergency C-sections at the last minute and it worked out. Better luck next time.
And then there’s this idiot:
Looks like Spinmaster is in line for another Internet lawsuit!!!
But wait, it gets better. When these things are hatching the Hatchimals first words are usually “hug me.” However, the Hatchimals apparently like to move quickly, and soon after that parents everywhere are hearing them say something much more inappropriate:
I mean, I’m sure it’s not REALLY saying “fuck me,” but the fact that it sounds like a moaning North Korean prostitute and saying something that can possibly be construed as “fuck me” seems to problematic. You would think that a $200 toy would be clear and distinct when it speaks. But then again it’s just an overpriced piece of garbage whose value was driven up by demand from morons. This is what you get morons.
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