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Today’s episode of “things that never happened but went viral anyway because someone posted it on Facebook” we bring you this chick from Newburyport….

So let me get this straight. This chick was walking her dog on Plum Island in Newburyport, which consists of like 9 or 10 streets of beach houses. She saw a “weird man” pacing fast at her, so she turned and walked away from him. She remembers nothing after that about what happened. All she knows is she woke up with her pants down to her ankles, her head throbbing with broken ribs, and cops and paramedics surrounding her asking her a bunch of questions. She was out on a blistering hot summer night in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and presumably was sexually assaulted. But despite this horrific crime happening just the night before, she was on Facebook posting about the need to carry pepper spray.

She seems believable….

I won’t flat out say she didn’t do it yet, because we called the Newburyport Police and they confirmed that she did call the cops and there is an active investigation. But gun to your head, does anyone think this actually happened? If she was violently raped and had her ribs broken, how is she not in the hospital? Has she taken a rape kit? And how did no one hear this violent assault happening? This is what the Newburyport section of Plum Island (which is shared by at least 4 towns) looks like:

Densely populated. If someone was brutally knocked out and raped in the middle of the street, then left there for dead, this would’ve woken up the entire island. She wont’ say what street it happened on, because she says she doesn’t want her Mom’s address listed on Facebook. Even though she’s already narrowed it down to 9 or 10 streets, and her trashmoose mother lives in Plaistow, NH according to her Facebook page.

Maybe she was really raped, this story miraculously did not make the news, her broken ribs are already fixed, and she just so happens to react to being raped in an extremely unconventional manner. That’s up to you to decide.

This chick’s real name is Beth Maffe. I thought her name sounded familiar, so I Googled her and low and behold, it turns out I blogged about her last April.

Turns out she was squatting illegally in a Haverhill apartment building, started a GoFundMe, and got called out by the other tenants who actually lost everything:

Beth is a “spiritual being having a human experience” who was involved in a fire that destroyed a multi-unit house on Arlington Street in Haverhill on April 8th. Beth wasted no time in creating her Go Fund Me page on April 10th except there’s just one teeny, tiny problem. Beth was never a legal tenant and had been squatting in one of the apartments when the fire broke out. It was only a matter of time before she was outed by, ya know, ACTUAL tenants who ACTUALLY lost all of their belongings.

And everyone caught onto her lies really quickly……

She was never arrested for starting that fire, but she definitely lied in the GoFundMe about being a tenant there. And she had a long and documented history of “woe is me vaguebooking”

Her trashmoose Mom, who somehow a year later has a house in Newburyport, used to post about her being “missing”:

Turns out she just ran away because Ma Dukes was trying to section her:

Mom, who last year lived in Plaistow, NH, not Newburyport, also shared the GFM, even though her daughter is a junkbox pathological liar looking to get her next fix.

Oh, and just a few days after the fire she was arrested on account of her “disease“:

Bethany Maffe, 21, lower right, of Meadowview Drive in Plaistow, on three felony counts of possession of a controlled drug-fentanyl, Buprenorphine, Lorazepam allegedly on April 19, 2017, in Plaistow.

So yea, now I can say with the utmost confidence that she made up this whole rape story, and I’m guessing the GoFundMe is right around the corner. No word yet if she’s tight with Maude the Fraud, but she could certainly learn a thing or two from her.

Since the last time we saw this slam baguette she’s been doing the usual – whining on Facebook about how no one cares about her…..

Bragging about being clean for 10 minutes….

She seems stable.

Since then she’s converted from a meat eating carnivore to a lickalotapuss:

And she picked up a nice little slice of poontang pie….

And they like to scissor to Iggy Azalea….

Hot.

She also got her license back just a few weeks ago….

Nevertheless, despite her history of drug abuse, lying, GoFundMe scams, arrests, and general ratchetry, literally every one of her gullible nudnik friends believed her unequivocally….

And to make it seem real she yelled at people who she thought were laughing at her, and let them know that this was no laughing matter…

So now she’s saying two girls called the police. Yet she has no memory of what happened, and woke up to cops and first responders surrounding her.

She must’ve forgotten that we blogged about her last year (her friends went full free muh boi in the comments) so she answered my tough line of questioning on her Facebook post….

She’s right. The police are investigating. And they’re likely wasting their time on this professional lying slug. They’re looking for a tall guy in his mid 50’s, who happened to be on a remote section of Plum Island on Sunday night looking for chicks to knock out, rape, and leave for dead. Sounds like a good use of taxpayer money.