Here’s Dr. Turtleboy Bracketologist’s Guaranteed NCAA Tournament Brackets

Here’s Dr. Turtleboy Bracketologist’s Guaranteed NCAA Tournament Brackets

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Today is the best day of the year for college basketball fans. It’s like Christmas as we anxiously await the 2017 March Madness bracket. As soon as it comes out we’ll have a Turtleboy league set up. Entry is free and top 10% of winners get Turtleboy merchandise. With that said, Turtleboy is an expert bracketelogist, and every year we try to get all 68 teams right whose names will be called on Sunday at 6:30. Last year we struggled, and only got 65 of 68 right, losing to ESPN’s Joe Lunardi who got 67 of 68 right. With that said, here’s Turtleboy’s guaranteed 68 of 68 bracketology picks.


1.  Kansas, Villanova, Gonzaga, Arizona

The first two are guaranteed to be 1 seed. Gonzaga will almost definitely make it even though they play in a shitty conference because they beat three non-conference tournament teams. Arizona just won the Pac 12, and has only 4 losses to teams who will all be top 4 seeds (Butler, Gonzaga, Oregon, UCLA). If they lose out on a 1 seed to a North Carolina team that’s lost to Georgia Tech and Indiana (neither of which will be in the tournamnet) it’s the ultimate hose job.


2. North Carolina, Duke, Kentucky, Oregon

Duke climbed a few spots by winning the most competitive conference in the NCAA history (ACC). Kentucky will be in so long as they beat Arkansas and win the SEC today. And even if they don’t they’ll probably still be a 2. Oregon or UCLA could be flip flopped here, but ultimately they made it further in the conference tournament.


3. UCLA, Baylor, Louisville, West Virginia

WVU jumped into this spot by winning the Big 12, and UCLA fell down from possibly a 1 seed by losing to Arizona. The Pac 12 gets no respect.


4. Winner of Cincinnati/SMU, Purdue, Butler Notre Dame

The Big 10’s top seed (Purdue) is only a 4. Weak. Whoever wins the Cinci-SMU game is going to be one of the hottest teams headed into the tournament. Butler has played one of the hardest schedules in the country. Notre Dame is hot and made a run to the ACC final. All are deserving.


5. Florida State, Iowa State, Florida, Wisconsin

Wisconsin is probably gonna be a 5, regardless of whether or not they beat Michigan in the Big 10 final today. Iowa State made a nice little run to win the Big 12, and Florida State and Florida fell to this spot after being upset in their conference tournaments.


6. Loser of Cincinnati/SMU, St. Mary’s, Virginia, Minnesota

Virginia fell a few spots after getting facialized by Notre Dame. Minnesota hasn’t been in the tournament in forever, so a 6 is nice for them. St. Mary’s is always good, but they play in a shitbag conference and can’t beat Gonzaga.


7. Creighton, Maryland, Michigan, Miami

If Michigan wins the Big 10 today they’ll get a 6 seed and probably push out St. Mary’s or Minnesota to a 7.


8. Wichita State, Virginia Tech, Northwestern, Dayton

At this point they’re pretty much all interchangeable. There’s no difference from 8-10, and it’s actually probably better to get a 10 seed. Wichita State only has 4 losses and the committee loves to bone them because they don’t play anyone. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them pull an upset if they draw Gonzaga.


9. Arkansas, VCU, Seton Hall, Oklahoma State

If Arkansas somehow upsets Kentucky today it changes a lot. They’ll jump to a 7 seed and probably knock Dayton to a 9 and Miami to an 8.


10. Marquette, South Carolina, Providence, Michigan State

Somehow Providence has become one of the most consistently good but not great programs in the country. Wish I was a Providence fan. MSU is extremely overrated and they’re getting in largely based on their name. Nice to see Marquette and South Carolina back in the mix.


11. Wake Forest, URI, Xavier, Vanderbilt, Middle Tennessee State

We’re officially on the bubble now. Everyone up until this point is a guaranteed unanimous pick to make it. MTS is safe because they won their conference. Vanderbilt will probably make it as well, despite losing 15 games. But URI, WF, and Xavier are as close as you can get. URI has put a nice little run in the Atlantic 10 tourney, and they’re as hot as anyone right now. If they beat VCU today they’ll jump up to a 10 seed.


12. UNC Wilmington, Vermont, USC, Nevada, Kansas State

Basically there’s five teams fighting for the final 3 bubble spots: Syracuse, URI, Illinois State, Kansas State, and USC. ISU will get boned because they play in a shitty conference and won’t win it. If Cuse gets in it will be a disgrace. They lost to Boston College. Do you understand how bad Boston College is? (Kansas State beat BC by 18). Cuse lost to Georgetown, Pitt, Georgia Tech, and Connecticut. All of those teams suck. They went 2-9 away from home. They had a ridiculously easy non-conference schedule. They did have some big conference wins, but if they get it will only be because of their name. Wilmington, Vermont, and Nevada all get in automatically.



13. Princeton, East Tennessee State, Winthrop, Florida Gulf Coast

If Princeton loses to Yale in the Ivy League final then Yale will be a 14 seed. Other than that nothing really matters at this point. These are all trashbag conference champion teams who will be happy to be there. One or two might get an upset, but at this point no one cares because they’re all getting in no matter what.


14. Kent State, Iona, New Mexico State, Bucknell


15. Troy/Texas St winner, UC Davis, Texas Southern, Northern Kentucky


16. Mount St. Mary’s, NC Central, New Orleans, Jacksonville State, South Dakota State, North Dakota

Just wanna say that it’s bullshit that four of these teams have to play a play in game just to get creampied by a 1 seed. The play in games should be for bubble teams that don’t win their conference.

So yea, go sport ball!!




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1 Comment(s)
  • Turd Burglestein
    March 12, 2017 at 11:10 am

    Firsties! I like the Phoenix online University team this year.

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