Here’s Dr. Turtleboy’s Guaranteed Bracketology For Selection Sunday, Watch Us Facialize Joe Lunardi

Here’s Dr. Turtleboy’s Guaranteed Bracketology For Selection Sunday, Watch Us Facialize Joe Lunardi

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UMass Turtleboy is very excited for the best three weeks in sports – March Madness. Even though UMass blows I still get giddy before Selection Sunday. Every year world famous “bracketologists” Joe Lunardi and Jerry Palm predict which 68 teams will get into the tournament. Lunardi has gotten 67 out 68 right back to back years. I’ve only gotten 65, the same amount as Palm. That all changes this year. This is the year we pick all 68 teams right. Ya heard it here first. A couple of things could change after publishing this blog. As I write this the ACC Championship between North Carolina and Virginia is still going strong. If Virginia wins then the seeds will remain the same. If UNC wins they’ll change. Same goes for the Pac 12 championship between Oregon and Utah, the Atlantic 10 Championship between VCU and St. Joe’s, the SEC Championship between Texas A&M and Kentucky, and the Big 10 Championship between Michigan State and Purdue. Here’s our official predictions:

1. Kansas, Villanova, North Carolina, Michigan State

UNC moved up to a 1 seed tonight by winning the ACC Championship over Virginia. Lunardi and Palm have UVA as a 1. I don’t see it. Nova and Michigan State have earned their 1 seeds.

2. West Virginia, Oklahoma, Virginia, Oregon

WVU and Oklahoma are locked in as 2’s. There’s some chatter Oregon will move up if they win the Pac 12 title tonight. Ain’t happening. If this Buddy Hield buzzer beater was counted as it was before the replay, then Oklahoma would have a shot at a 1 seed.

But it didn’t.

3. Utah, Miami, Xavier, Purdue. 

Miami and Xavier are locked in as 3’s. Purdue is supposed to lose to MSU tomorrow, so it doesn’t really matter if they win or lose, although winning guarantees a 3 seed. If Utah beats Oregon they could sneak in as a 2 at the expense of the Ducks.

4. Kentucky, Indiana, Duke, Maryland

The first three teams are almost guaranteed to get those seeds. Maryland could drop down, but they’ll probably end up as a 4.

5. Arizona, Iowa State, Texas A&M, Baylor. 

Texas A&M will supplant Maryland as a 4 seed if they beat Kentucky tomorrow.

6. Iowa, Seton Hall, Texas, California

Seton Hall went from a bubble team to a potential 5 after winning the Big East Tournament this week. California is the most likely team in this group to move up to a 5. Happy to see former UMass guard Derrick Gordon back in the tournament with a new team. He is the only college basketball player to ever make the tournament with 3 different teams (Western Kentucky, UMass, Seton Hall). To me that is more impressive than being the first openly gay player in D1 basketball. Derrick Gordon is a winner.


7. Notre Dame, Dayton, VCU, Providence

Turtleboy has VCU higher than Lunardi and Palm. That’s because they’re annihilating people right now. They’re in Dayton’s conference and Dayton isn’t playing in the final tomorrow. VCU is. If they lost to St. Joe’s though they will drop to 8 and Wisconsin will move up to a 7.

8. Wisconsin, Colorado, Texas Tech, UConn

UConn wasn’t even in the tourney as of a few days ago. Then this happened:

UConn in March is the scariest shit on earth. I fucking hate UConn with every ounce of my body, but there’s just no denying them at this time of the year. Texas Tech has a lot of losses but they’ve been a giant slayer this year. Wisconsin could move up, and Colorado could move down if St. Joe’s beats VCU tomorrow.

9. Oregon State, USC, Butler, St. Joe’s

Like I said, St. Joe’s moves up to an 8 if they win the A-10 tomorrow. Oregon State is coached by Obama’s brother in law but we won’t hold that against them. Butler could go lower since they kind of limped their way into the tournament.

10. Cincinnati, Wichita State, Gonzaga, St. Bonaventure

Turtleboy’s worst nightmare – the Boners are in the Tournament. FML. What can ya say though? They’ve earned it. Gonzaga won their conference so they’re automatically in. Wichita State is on the bubble, but not really. They’ll get in. Same with the Bearcats. Hopefully we see more of these faces shortly.

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11. Arkansas-Little Rock, Temple, PLAY IN TEAM: Michigan, Pittsburgh, South Carolina, St. Mary’s

This is where things get sticky. These are your bubble teams. Everyone from 12-16 is an automatic entry because they won their conference. So basically the Turtleboy vs. Lunardi vs. Palm bracket is decided right here. When San Diego State lost today in the Mountain West Championship it fucked the bracket up. They were guaranteed to be an 11. Now that Fresno State got in instead, they’re definitely not good enough to be an 11, which created an open 11 seed. Arkansas-Little Rock or Yale will take that spot, along with the final 5 teams. Those are Turtleboy’s right there. Lunardi has Temple, Pittsburgh, South Carolina, Monmouth, and San Diego State in as his last 5. So basically here’s the difference between our brackets:

Turtleboy: Michigan, St. Mary’s

Lunardi: Monmouth, San Diego State

St. Mary’s is a ranked team. They won their conference regular season title. They have only 5 losses. Michigan does not have a single bad loss all season, and has 4 good wins. Monmouth has a couple big wins against big name teams, but none of them are good as some of Michigan’s wins. San Diego State has one win against a top 50 team. Syracuse and Vanderbilt are both in Turtleboy and Lunardi’s first four out as well.

The only thing that could POSSIBLY change this for everyone is if Memphis upsets UConn in the American Leaugue Championship tomorrow. If they do then they get in and we drop St. Mary’s from our bracket and Lunardi drops San Diego State. In that case we’d only have 1 difference in our brackets.

12. Yale, Fresno State, Buffalo, Chattanooga

Lunardi has Yale as an 11 and Fresno State as a 14, which makes no sense because he’s got San Diego State in. If SDSU is so good, then why’d they lose to Fresno State – a 14 seed?

13. Stephen F. Austin, Northern Iowa, South Dakota State, UNC Wilmington

Stephen F. Austin is sneaky good. They went 18-0 in their conference this year. Sure it’s a shitty conference but nevertheless. Both them and Northern Iowa could potentially move up to 12 at the expense of Fresno State and Buffalo.

14. Iona, Middle Tennessee State, Hawaii, Stony Brook

Hawaii has to win tonight against Long Beach State. The winner should be a 14 seed. Stony Brook is the most likely in this group to be seeded higher.

15. Weber State, UNC Asheville, Green Bay, New Mexico State

Does it really matter at this point?

16. Austin Peay, Southern, Farleigh Dickinson, Hampton, Florida Gulf Coast, Holy Cross

Holy freaking Cross, a 10-19 regular season team, is dancing. Hats off to the home town Crusaders for getting the opportunity to upset one of these other crapbag teams in the play-in game before getting creampied by Kansas.

Anyway, we’ll be running a bracket just like we did last year. Stay tuned in a day or two and we’ll have the link for you. Everyone’s invited. Even Obama.


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2 Comment(s)
  • John
    March 13, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    As much as you may hate the Bonnies I hope you can at least admit what an absolute fucking sham it is that they didn’t get in.

    • Finnish Goalie
      March 14, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      What was the excuse given?

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