Home School Mom Says Kid Was “Humiliated” Because His Summa Cum Laude Graduation Cake Was Censored By Publix Bots, Ate Cake Anyway Because It Tastes Better Without Cum On It

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Here’s the funniest thing you’ll see all day…..

Yup. Publix censored the Summa Cum Laude cake because they thought Mom was referring to trouser gravy. Because what Mom wouldn’t want to make reference to baby butter on her son’s graduation cake?

Here’s how it happened….

Saturday was Jacob Koscinski’s big day. His whole family, many from out of town, saw the Charleston, S.C., student graduate from his Christian-based home-school program with a 4.89 grade-point average and the coveted honor of summa cum laude. His mother, Cara Koscinski organized a graduation party for her 18-year-old son. For the occasion, she ordered a cake online from her nearest grocery store, Publix, which lets customers build their own cakes complete with a customized inscription, which they enter into a message box marked “cake message option.”

Timeout. You’re celebrating a 4.89 GPAM for a Christian based home school program? What the hell does that even mean? Mom was his freaking teacher. She can give him whatever grades she wants. We’re handing out summa cum laude degrees from Mom’s home school factory now? And where do you get a 4.89 GPA from when you’re home schooled? What is with this bullshit nowadays where kids can go over 4.0? Are grades just meaningless now? This is cakeworthy? This is like the everyone gets a trophy generation on steroids.

Carefully, she typed in the words she wanted on the cake: “Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude class of 2018.”

Publix’s online system was unhappy with the word “cum.”

Wait a minute. You’re telling me that an automated system that tries to filter out hate speech and/or profanity made a stupid mistake? I totally cannot relate to this.

At all.

In Latin, cum is the preposition “with,” as in summa cum laude,“with the highest distinction.” To the little box on the Publix website, however, the word meant something else and its strict algorithm, vigilant for naughty words, returned a message that said “profane/special characters not allowed.” Cum, which contains no special characters, was deemed profane.

Oh you mean like,


But there was still hope. The Publix form included a section for “special instructions” for the bakery, in which Koscinski explained that Summa Cum Laude was a Latin term for high academic honor and was not profane. She included a link to a website explaining the meaning of summa cum laude and said she didn’t think much about it afterward.

Cake day arrived.

Koscinski said she was so busy preparing things for the celebration, that she sent her husband and sister to the store to get some last minute items and to pick up the cake. When they returned, everyone gathered around the cake. When they opened the box, there it was: “Congrats Jacob! Summa — Laude Class of 2018.” Jacob was “absolutely humiliated,” Koscinski said to The Post. “It was unbelievable. I ordered the special graduation edition cake. I can’t believe I’m the first one to ever write “Summa Cum Laude” on a cake.

Cum on now, if Jacob was really “absolutely humiliated by this,” then he sounds like a twatwaffle deluxe. This shit is hilarious. I mean, they thought you meant…..

But you’re really just a good student. If you can’t see the humor in that, well, I guess it explains why you have a 4.89 GPA. Better learn to develop a sense of humor quickly Junior, because life cums at you fast!!

Nevertheless, they have overcum the trauma as she let them eat cake…..

Jacob didn’t eat much of the cake after that but his mother says the chocolate and vanilla cake was delicious.

Well yea, of course the cake was delicious. It didn’t have cum on it. Duh. Although i fairness, at least 80% of the people we blog about actually don’t mind the taste. The problem with the ratchets we profile is they never taste it, because getting pregnant seems to be their area of expertise.

Koscinski called Publix on Monday and explained the situation to the assistant manager. She said she doesn’t want this to happen to anyone else in the future. Publix offered to remake the cake. She declined.

“No,” she said, “you only graduate once.”

Publix gave her a $70 refund for the cake and a store gift card.

Oh get over yourself Mom.

You only graduate from home school once? First of all, this ain’t grad school. It’s a high school equivalency cake. Secondly, why are we celebrating mediocrity? This is why I refuse to go to high school graduations. Because all you’re doing is celebrating something you were supposed to do. Something 99% of the kids in your class who weren’t fucked up on OC’s did in four years.

Oh, and newsflash – your kid watches tons of porn.

Thank you, cum again!

24 Comment(s)
  • Too Tall Tim
    Too Tall Tim
    May 23, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    You can’t make this —- up, folks.

  • randiguy2006
    May 23, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    Back in the day people would laugh and get on with their lives.

  • Wabbitt
    May 23, 2018 at 9:47 am

    I’d drop some tummy pancakes on mom. She’s stupid as hell but she’s pretty MILF-tastic.

  • Lily White
    May 22, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    Definitely doable to be at the top of your class when mom is the teacher and you are the only student! However, I agree with mom. This was fucking ridiculous. What chucklehead who can’t read additional directions decorates cakes at Publix? I’ll tell you….the ones that didn’t graduate summa cum laude.

    Now, wouldn’t it be funny if all the Turtleriders ordered a cake from Publix that said:
    Congratulations, Jacob.
    Some cum loudly.

    • JJ@AOL.COM
      May 22, 2018 at 11:05 pm

      I dont feel like scrolling down so haaa..
      What I want to know is, does that 4.89 GPA Christian home school diploma, cum with accreditation? Or is it one of those fake ones from Pakistan, that is used to fund terrorists organizations??

      Look it up! I know my faktsss yo

  • dork johnson
    May 22, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    Douche on Douche crime. Home schooled in Florida? Can’t get “Cum” on his Publix cake?
    Just saying. Blaming Publix or Florida?

  • That’s not all
    May 22, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    He was also valedictorian, class president, homecoming king, president of the math club and model un, captain of the football, basketball, and track teams, voted most likely to succeed, and had perfect attendance.

  • Phong
    May 22, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    Let’s see.
    Order cake with “bad” phrase.
    Phrase is rejected.
    Put explanation in note section.
    Be appalled because cake you ordered and saw you couldn’t have phrase printed wasn’t printed?
    Not to mention having a screenshot of the refusal.
    Yeah, shoulda gone somewhere else.
    But, Free cake and matching flip flops and moomoos all around!

  • Turtleboy is trash
    May 22, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    Turtle boy !! Being homeschooled you cannot get any grade your momma wants to get and 2nd of all they get tested and have to still prove the work they are doing ant home to the state. So get your facts !

    • Kip Winger
      May 23, 2018 at 11:19 am

      Hey “Momma” Koscinski. Speaking of trash, I bet you picked up a lot of stretch marks in the back of pickup trucks circa 1987.

  • Kevi
    May 22, 2018 at 4:44 pm

    Since they must by law make gay wedding cakes I would argue that this policy is homophobic.

  • TJB
    May 22, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    Ah, censorship. Its ok to show a washed up jewess holding a bloody dismembered head of our President…..but point out the fact black jesus is going to jail for sedition gets you a 30 day stint in FB jail; no appeal, no trial. Judge, jury and executioner.

  • Max
    May 22, 2018 at 4:23 pm

    “Well yea, of course the cake was delicious. It didn’t have cum on it.”

  • Real_Finn
    May 22, 2018 at 4:12 pm

    Best. Cake. Ever.

  • Professor Eugenius Knott
    May 22, 2018 at 3:23 pm

    “Shame on you Publix for turning an innocent Latin phrase into a total embarrassment for having to explain to my son and others (including my 70 year old mother) about this joke of a cake.”

    With all due respect, madam, if your son wasn’t able to perceive the humor of the situation, and if he he requires the most basic Latin conjunctive’s similarity to a well-known vulgar colloquialism to be explained to him, and if he is actually mentally underdeveloped to be embarrassed by the humor he missed, he’s not even ready for public junior high school.

  • KimberlyS
    May 22, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    $70 for that cake? Total ripoff.

    She should have just sent a photo to ‘Cakewrecks dot com’ and gotten over it.

    Lastly, if you’re ‘humiliated’ by this, you are not ready to leave the house.

  • Screw PC
    May 22, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    That bitch actually got a free cake because, basically, her son was too much of a pussy to be allowed to go to school.

    Well, bitch, you can’t “home college” him too. Life is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. He’ll be in therapy halfway through college and probably develop a substance abuse problem like all the moonbat kids who have no coping mechanisms. Fuck, has he ever even dated, let alone seen a pair of tits besides yours? That poor poindexter of a deprived bastard. He probably just figured out a couple weeks ago how to rub one off looking at Mom’s Cosmo magazines in the attic and still has no idea how to use his wedding tackle or even how the fuck female plumbing works.

    • Kevin Fleury
      Rick Head
      May 22, 2018 at 5:03 pm

      Let’s hope it is Cosmo, and that he is not conjuring his celestial ooze onto the May ’98 issue of Boy’s Life……

  • Dr. Cock
    May 22, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    She was begging for cum. I’ll decorate her cakes.

  • z
    May 22, 2018 at 2:37 pm

    “What is with this bullshit nowadays where kids can go over 4.0? ”
    I specifically entered 4.89 GPA. I suggest you take up non 4 grading systems with whomever doesn’t use 4 point grading systems. Like the grading system is the parents or kids fault.

    web site (have to leave the link out, so TBs BS links will work I guess. this page has 120 of them)
    talk College Confidential com

    I am finishing up my junior year of high school. My school’s grading scale is 7 points and the highest grades get 4.0 for regular, 5.0 for honors, and 6.0 for AP. I have completed 7 AP classes thus far plus numerous honors. I have over 50 college hours of credit already.

    Right now, I am ranked 3 in my class of about 120. I want to be a contender for merit scholarships at my state public universities. My SATs 720 Math and 730 Reading. I have a strong resume of local, state, and national ECs.

    Is my GPA good compared to others and will being #3 hurt my chances of scholarships?

    • Dig Me
      May 22, 2018 at 3:14 pm

      With a net like that, you’re sure to catch a fuckload of compliments.

    • Captain Fantastic
      May 23, 2018 at 10:11 am

      Do you know how to start a lawnmower, jumpstart a car, or change a lightbulb?

  • Clitty Litter
    May 22, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    She said cum.

  • Stunt Penis
    May 22, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    A smart parent would have turned this travesty into a teachable moment and inform their child “well son, this is what happens when liberals run things”

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