This has got to be the grimiest bunch I have seen to date. This is a story full of such foul waste, I’m pretty sure I am going to need a round of antibiotics after writing it. But I’m doing it anyway!

It all starts with this post sent in to us by a few of our readers:

Reese Conners, this fine upstanding young citizen, is irked because he has been ripped off for a half ounce of weed, and wisely decides to post it publicly on Facebook.

So, he looks like a winner.

Despite looking like the type of kid who listens to ska in his parents garage while taking bong rips in between rails of dope, he really wants to convince us all that he is a dangerous badass. I’m more convinced he’d cry during a fight, but OK.

Definitely don’t fuck with this one. LOL.

The reefer banditos he is sending his Facebook friends list to track down appear equally as unwashed and unimposing, though, so I suppose it’s an even match.

Reese is looking for Kyra and Alan Provost, a couple of homeless bums purportedly living out of motels in the Palmer area. And boy, are they the most Palmer-tastic couple of losers to grace Turtleboy since Rian Waters.

I’m starting to believe that as soon as you cross over town lines to the Palmer/Ludlow area, someone is waiting to greet you with a finger full of dirt and pubes to swipe across your upper lip, like some sort of scumbag Ash Wednesday.

And these two are just as classy and educated as you would imagine a couple of dumspter dragons who decide to rip off Tweaker Mc Crimeboss up there would be.

So. Much. Cultural. Appropriation.

So little culture.

Uck, they look like they smell like the inside of a sun baked tuna can. And to make things even worse, it looks like these two have reproduced, because it’s hard to afford condoms when you blow your entire welfare check on backwoods and sneakers every month.

It wouldn’t surprise me if they didn’t see much of their respective fruit o’ the wombs, because they seem pretty preoccupied with petty crime and drug use, and kids are a real hindrance to all that, with their constant need for consistent care, love and nurturing, and all.

But fuck all that, where’s the blunts and coke, amiright?

I’m sure their kids will grow up super well adjusted and successful with these two champs as the DNA donors. For sure!

It would also appear that Kyra was at once point training to be a police officer.

Which makes her choice to instead go around robbing houses with String Bean Dirty Sanchez all the more puzzling.

But they seem like such nice people!

I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out, because I sure do love gawking at a good dumpster fire. Everyone seems to universally hate these two, and I haven’t seen this much cocaine and inappropriate “n word” use since the Foxy Lady in Providence closed down, so there’s no way that this doesn’t blow up into a glorious shit show sooner rather than later. I’m just glad it landed on our radar.   God bless you, Western Mass ratchet drama. Don’t you ever, ever change.

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