Have a tip for a story? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Follow us on Twitter by clicking here.
Follow us on Instagram by clicking here.
Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
This is homeless man Lucas Werner from Spokane, WA.
In December of 2016 he became a viral sensation when he took to Facebook to bash Starbucks for not letting him hit on 16 year old employees:
He apparently thought people would be outraged……AT STARBUCKS, and not at him, and wanted everyone to complain to them on his behalf for age discrimination. He’s basically the creepiest guy who has ever lived.
It’s all good though because the note was “clean” and didn’t even mention stuffing his tuna torpedo inside her taco warmer:
Once you start sharing links to the age of legal consent in your state, you’ve officially become the creepiest skeeveball on the Internet.
He had a strong selling point though……
Ya got that ladies? If you let this guy toss around his spam javelin while you lay on a cardboard box underneath the railroad tracks, then you’re less likely to get cancer. What’s not to like? Plus, his DNA simply can’t be beat. Who wouldn’t wanna taste of this guy’s DNA slurpy?
Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.
Nevertheless, despite the claims of discrimination
Nothing has changed.
So he figured he’d share it again today:
Yea, Starbucks, why haven’t you apologized yet? Does this look like the kind of guy you wouldn’t want in your stores trying to hit on 16 year old girls at their first summer job?
For a homeless person this shaft gobbler sure has the time and resources to post on Facebook a lot. And a year later he’s pretty much just sounding the same creepoid alarms. Like how he’s fond of 18 year olds (what guy isn’t?):
How he wants to bear children:
Because what could go wrong with a diddler like this bringing kids into the world?
Especially one who posts memes like this:
He’s decided to let the world know how he lost the ability to reproduce, but then gained it back via the “tub room,” so he’s back to making DNA pot pies:
I feel bad for this poor girl:
And this might be the creepiest thing he’s ever written:
Hey ladies, you looking to get doused in Sriracha mayo so this thing can “stuff you with his cucumber?”
Why not? As he points out, lions love it:
So yea, a year later and he’s still looking to spread some of his superior 35+ DNA around. He just can’t do it at Starbucks. Make sure no one tells this guy about Marylou’s Coffee or it will be game over!!