How Long Until Jenny Dell Dumps Boston Red Sox’ Will Middlebrooks Now That He Sucks?

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It would be a lot easier for me to accept the fact that the Boston Bruins season is over if the Red Sox didn’t suck so bad. Seriously, Bruins get beat in Game 7 and the first thing we’re greeted by is a five game losing streak. How the hell am I supposed to look forward to this summer?

Well it turns out Will Middlebrooks is a useless pile of garbage, and he’s going back on the DL. At this point I’m completely done with him. He has absolutely no future in Boston unless it involves blogging for Turtleboy Sports. To say he sucks is the understatement of the century. He’s hitting .197 with 2 home runs. And we’re supposed to build a team around this idiot? Thank God he’s going on the DL so we can finally see Brock Holt play more. Yup, I just said that. That’s how bad this season is going so far.

Now I mainly blame Jenny Dell for this. Can’t stand her. Wants to be taken seriously as a professional, gets the Red Sox gig, starts drilling the crappy third baseman, loses her job. So much for feminism.


My question is, does Jenny Dell feel like she got ripped off? When she first started falling in love with lusting for the tall jock like she’s the fucking prom queen, he was kind of an up and comer. She probably figured she had hitched her wagon to a guy who would have a solid MLB career, and the two of them would live happily ever after.

But yea, that’s clearly not gonna happen. Dude will be a Triple A player his entire career. So the question is, how long until she dumps his ass? I mean, it was cute and all dating him when he was one of the top young power hitters in the game. But there’s nothing sexy about spending time in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. As long as she continues to date him that’s the only place she’ll be seeing him play.

At some point she’s gonna have a tough choice to make – career or loser minor league boyfriend? Take a wild guess what she’s gonna choose. Unless she’s a complete moron, which she very well may be, she’s gonna go with career. One day she’s gonna wake up in a cheap motel in Pawtucket and say out loud, “What the fuck did I do? I left the cushiest job ever for this idiot? FML.” 

Most likely he’s gonna cheat on her long before that though. After all, he’s a tall 25 year old man who plays professional baseball. Jenny Dell is a prim looking star gazer and all, but eventually he’s gonna get sick of her. They always do. He’ll be on the road in Wilkes-Barre, or Rochester, or Peoria, or any midsized American city with no jobs, a minor league baseball team, and tons of dive bars, and he’ll plunge head first into a pool of women with loose morals.

Hopefully for Jenny, Red Sox nation is sick of this guy by then and she’ll get her job back:



Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Joey G
    May 22, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    It is only a matter of time before Jenny Dell has to pay someone to go to jail for taking an “unauthorized” naked video of her in her hotel room.

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