Hoodrat Heroes

Hudson Junkalope Messaged Me And Asked Me To Share His $10K GoFundMe To “Help Me Play Poker” Because He Just Got Out Of Jail And Can’t Get A Job 



Brace yourself for one of the most amazing GoFundMe’s of all time:

He’s not even kidding. An ex-con who recently got out of jail wants you to give him $10,000 so he can blow it at the casino following a pipe dream of becoming a professional poker player. Obviously he’s doing this so he doesn’t have to “go back to my old ways of making money,” AKA rob and steal from people in order to fund his drug habits. These are the only two ways he can make money in this country – crime or GoFundMe scams.

According to the video “no one wants to hire me due to my honesty of my substantial criminal record.”

The reason that I said help me play poker is because I’m an excellent poker player, I played in Vegas and in prison for many, many years, and I don’t often lose. I’m entirely confident that I can make it to the big leagues. If I make my GFM goal my plan is to donate 25% of my winnings to the DOC system so they can better provide for inmates to have better food.

Oh good, he beat the homies in prison when they were playing for cigarettes. Obviously then this is a worthwhile investment, and totally will not go to drugs. Ya know, because he’s got his kid in the picture. The same crotch fruit he loves so much that he continuously chose to break the law, knowing he’d go to jail and not be there to take care of him. And he will probably make millions of dollars off of this, so he’ll have plenty of money to give back to the DOC so they can get better food for convicted criminals. Sounds legit.

Also this:

“I currently don’t have a license, which is stopping me from getting a job. I’ve been on multiple interviews and it’s just as simple as no one willing to hire me based on the record that I have. So any donations are genuinely appreciated.”

So if he doesn’t have a license or a car, how’s he gonna get to Foxwoods or Mohegan to play poker? And someone might wanna tell him that there’s a million and one non-profits out there that specifically help formerly incarcerated individuals obtain employment. But that would take actual initiative and he’d rather just beg for it on GFM.

Here’s the crazy part – I first found out about this guy when he messaged me and asked me to donate. Keep in mind, I use a fake profile, he has no idea I work for Turtleboy, and I don’t know him.


Turns out I wasn’t the only one either. Here’s what a turtle rider sent us.

“Can I ask why?”

Yea, because people who abide by the law and actually work for a living don’t feel like giving their hard earned money to random dopeheads who solicit money from strangers.

Let’s see what he went to jail for anyway. This happened August 27, 2018:

Police arrested a Hudson man they said broke into a house on Friday and stole credit cards, a TV and accessories when they found him sleeping in the parking lot at the Solomon Pond Mall on Saturday. Ian Vorce, 28, refused to talk to police, but two separate witnesses identified him as the person responsible for the burglary on White Terrace, and even led police to where Vorce hid the stolen television and sound bar, police spokesman Sgt. Dan Campbell said on Monday. On Friday, police went to a White Terrace home at 6:56 p.m. for a burglary report. The resident said someone stole a Samsung television and sound bar, as well as several credit cards. The TV and sound bar are valued at around $1,500, the sergeant said.

“They were stolen while the residents were asleep,” Campbell said.

Later that day, the detective determined that the credit cards were being used at an unspecified Walmart. A witness then called the police and identified Vorce as the culprit.

“They were able to tell police the location of the stolen television and the sound bar,” Campbell said.

Police found the items in a house that is being renovated, Campbell said. A second witness not connected to the first, also identified Vorce as the person responsible.

He doesn’t just rob strangers though, he also robs relatives:

A 23-year-old Hudson man was charged on Thursday with breaking and entering and stealing jewelry from a relative’s home, report police. Ian Vorce, 23, of 45 Pope Street, Hudson, was charged with receiving stolen property over the value of $250 and breaking and entering with the intent to commit a felony. According to police, an undercover officer spoke to a man in a parked vehicle near Orton Street and Jennings Street. The man told the officer he was waiting for a friend who had gone to visit a relative’s home on the other side of some woods. The friend, identified as Vorce, came running through the woods and was breathing heavily, report police.

The officer questioned Vorce about where he was and why he was running. Vorce said he had been visiting a relative but no one was home. He told the officer he entered the home through an unlocked door. The officer did not believe the story Vorce told him and searched the 23-year-old. The search revealed a pocketful of jewelry. According to police, Vorce stole four rings and one diamond necklace from a relatives’ home after breaking in through a window. The victims identified Vorce as a relative, but told the officer he was unwelcome in their home. The victim identified the stolen jewelry and the officer placed Vorce under arrest.

“The victims identified Vorce as a relative, but told the officer he was unwelcome in their home.”

It’s almost like he’s burned every bridge possible due to his innate selfishness. Sad face.

He doesn’t just rob people though, he’s also been charged with conspiracy to violate drug laws, and malicious destruction of property.

Remarkably he has actually gotten three idiots to give him $45, and if he gets up to 5% of his goal ($500) he will take one lucky donor with him to watch him blow your money in under 30 minutes.

It comes with one stipulation though – you’re driving.


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21 Comment(s)
  • HopeHeGoesAway4ALongTime
    May 10, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    This scumbag was out on bail, and never showed up for his hearing for the August breakin. He has not yet been sentenced for that crime.
    The occupants were home, asleep, when he broke in. He is a total creep.
    There is currently a warrant out for his arrest; if you see him or if you are connected by him, please call the Marlborough PD.

  • This man is a re-re
    January 31, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    Do the world a favor (and your son) and kill yourself Ian. You are already dead to him.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    January 31, 2019 at 1:16 pm

    Well, no “I’m here for the job” neck tattoos.

  • Cocksucker777
    January 31, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Off Yourself Looser!

    • Shouldn't have been pulling your pud during spelling class
      February 3, 2019 at 8:26 am

      I hate to break it to you but if you fucking can’t spell loser you just might be one yourself.

  • AssToMouth
    January 31, 2019 at 11:09 am

    Now that is what I picture if I hear (fag) gay man!

  • Hedgehog Club For Men
    January 31, 2019 at 5:58 am

    Come see us for the February special. 1/2 off all hedgehog hair transplants, call for an appointment!

  • The angry taint
    January 30, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    who the fuck donated $45? lol

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 30, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    Is that his hair? Or did an Eagle shit on his head?

  • juror seven esq.
    January 30, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    In one of his exchanges detailing how he has looked for work he makes a statement that he had a resume done professionally. When you got nothing to work with employment history wise how will a professionally done resume help?

    Past positions held; worked in prison laundry responsible for removing skid marks in underwear. Lighting technician, experienced in holding flashlight without being noticed when rummaging in furniture while looking for valuables. Good working with hand tools. Good results with hammers, pry bars and screwdrivers on different kinds of doors and windows.

  • douche mc douche face
    January 30, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    Just for that haircut I hope he gets raped.

  • Frank Rizzo
    January 30, 2019 at 3:51 pm

    I wouldn’t hire him because of that stupid fuckin’ haircut, just shows he’s not capable of sound judgement, nuthin to do with being a felon.

  • Big Wick
    January 30, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    Hey, Ian,

    May the Vorce be with you.

    • Queeeeer
      January 31, 2019 at 11:16 am

      Fucking Faggot

  • Moe Howard
    January 30, 2019 at 1:56 pm


    Did the barber make you sign a waiver before agreeing to cut your hair like that?

    • Tough-Looking Mexican Guy's Daughter
      January 30, 2019 at 7:56 pm

      Can you make my hair henna color?

  • Pukey McPuke
    January 30, 2019 at 1:42 pm

    I’ll give him $10 if he has the Leigha Genduso nude pics.

  • Randall Guy
    January 30, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    Imagine someone asking for others to support his hobby.

  • Babe
    January 30, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    Take Babe’s phone number off your screenshot!

  • Mike Hunt
    January 30, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    Junkies have no shame.

  • Mr. Brightside
    January 30, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    He does have a sweet Lego person haircut.

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