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Every year I’m blown away by the fact that I don’t have to show ID to vote. Just to show you what a joke our elections are, here’s what happened when I went to vote today. First I go over to my precinct table and the old lady holding the red colored pencil asks me what street I live on. Since I know what streets are in this precinct (or could look it up prior to voting if I didn’t) I can literally pick any street I want to. She then opens her stapled pieces of paper revealing all the names and addresses of my neighbors who live on that street. Next to their names is a box that is either blank or filled in with a red colored pencil:
At this point I can pick any name I want. I can clearly see who has voted and who has not based on whether or not she filled in the checkbox with her red colored pencil. My wife had something come up unexpectedly today so she won’t be able to make it home in time to vote. No big deal though. I’ve already spoken with a woman who will go there, tell her my wife’s name and address, and vote in her place. Because our elections are a fucking joke.
I’ve shown up to vote before and someone had already voted in my name, so I assure you it happens. It was getting late that particular day and I could’ve argued with them and tried to resolve it, which would’ve taken time, or just pick another name and voted as someone else. I chose the latter. It’s that easy.
I asked the lady how she knew it was really me when I got my ballot. She laughed and said she didn’t know and that we should probably require ID to vote. I called her a racist, got in my Prius, and went home read the Huffington Post while taking an organic dump.
After that you go onto round 2 of 2 – the even older lady who checks your name off the same exact list the first lady checked your name off of.
The only thing you have to remember at this point is to pick the same name you picked the first time. Oh wait, actually it doesn’t matter. You can pick a completely different name this time around because nice old lady #2 doesn’t cross reference her red color checkmarked box with nice old lady #1’s red color checkmarked box.
This is archaic and outdated, and the fate of our democracy rests on the legitimacy of this voting process. But please, tell me more about how the Russians are the biggest threat to the legitimacy of our elections. And tell me more about how we don’t need voter ID laws. What could possibly go wrong?