Sports

I Feel So Bad For Everyone Who Wasn’t Born A New England Patriots Fan

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There’s a lot of shit going on this world, but I think it’s important for us all to take a step back and agree on one thing – we are so fucking blessed to be New England Patriots fans. Make no doubt about it – God clearly loves us more. That’s the only logical explanation for what happened last night. They should’ve gotten killed. They were missing the greatest quarterback and greatest tight end in NFL HISTORY in the same game. They were playing a backup quarterback getting his first NFL start, and first meaningful NFL snaps. Their two best pass rushers from last year were suspended (Ninkovich) and on the other team (Chandler Jones). Literally every single ESPN “expert” said we were gonna lose:

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Every expert except for Turtleboy:

https://twitter.com/TurtleBoySports/status/775167981106130944

Facts only.

The Patriots just played the NFC Super Bowl favorite in their own stadium, without Tom Brady and Gronk. The NFL had to orchestrate a two year sting operation, sue us in federal court, and give out an unprecedented punishment to the GOAT to try to stop us. And it still didn’t work. We just came back stronger.

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That’s how much God smiles on us.

https://twitter.com/TurtleBoySports/status/775176885500248064

Because at the end of the day we still have Bill Belichick, and those plays that were called for Jimmy G last night were brilliant. But some of those throws he made had some serious zip to it. He ain’t Brady, but he’s already better than at least 60-70% of starting quarterbacks in this league. It’s gonna be sad and almost unfair when Brady and Gronk actually return. Brady is gonna be angrier than ever, and just do awful, terrible things to each and every team that has the misfortune of falling on our schedule. Then Jimmy G’s stock is gonna skyrocket and we’ll probably end up getting a first round pick for him, which we’ll use on a franchise player that will lead us for the next decade. This doesn’t happen to normal teams. Only teams that are blessed by God himself. I love the New England Patriots more than life itself.

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P.S. Lots of Patriot haters are gonnna bring this up:

Newsflash – Bennett and McCourty were putting their fists in the air for Tom Brady, not Colin Kaepernick. We have REAL injustices to fight on the Patriots, but we shall overcome.

 

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2 Comment(s)
  • traci
    September 12, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    I am so glad that most of the first team could not play last night the whole world watched Our Pats Win, when they all said couldn’t.

  • AJ
    September 12, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    Definitely serves as a “fuck you” to the league when they come out and play solid football in game 1, after coming in as a 5 point underdog.

    That team always ends up coming out on top when the experts are certain they’ll fail. Perfect example was last night.

    interested to see how the experts pick for week 2

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