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I Refuse To Shovel My Roof Because I Know It Won’t Collapse

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A friend today told me that I should clean all the snow off my roof and try to get rid of the ice dams. It’s all the rage these days. Every schmuck on Facebook is talking about clearing the snow off their roof. I haven’t even attempted to and I couldn’t be happier. Because if you think your roof is gonna collapse because some horse barn collapsed in in Westford then you fell for it. You fell for the media’s bag of tricks. All over the Facebook machine I see stuff like this:

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 12.15.56 AM Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 12.16.25 AM

Look, I’m not saying it can’t happen. But the news is playing you. This is what they do. They find anecdotes and use them to make you believe that roof collapses, car crashes, and your kids getting molested on Facebook are almost 100% going to happen to you. They want you to freak out. They want you to get up there and shovel it off yourself. And then this stuff happens:

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 12.09.51 AMSo, yea. I’m not shoveling my roof because I refuse to buy into their bullshit. It will get warm one of these days, everything will melt, and we’ll move on with our lives.

P.S. How much you wanna bet my roof will be the next to collapse?

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8 Comment(s)
  • Spyrcle
    February 24, 2015 at 5:58 am

    …it cost $8500 to repair our roof after part of it collapsed. The business down the street was a total loss; they had to consrruct a whole new building. Yup. It’s all a scam. They’re just tricking you out of spite. You should definitely ignore public safety advice. You know best, of course. 🙂

  • JD
    February 23, 2015 at 6:51 pm

    Do your research. You dumb yo!

  • chris
    February 23, 2015 at 9:33 am

    The only roofs in any real danger of collapse are flat ones. If there is any pitch to your roof you should be okay. The real reason to get rid of that stuff is to prevent the ice dams from forcing water into your house, which is a real concern. So the cool guy who wrote this article will be the one collecting on his homeowners insurance to repair his house and the shmucks like me who did our work and cleared our roofs will see our insurance rates rise to help this smart-ass out. In the end, the responsible people get burned and the world goes round and round…

  • Yes
    February 23, 2015 at 8:52 am

    All this snow falling on Worcester is karma. Pure, sweet, unadulterated and magnificent karma.

  • Castro Street Kid
    February 23, 2015 at 8:39 am

    I agree. My house is over 100 years old. It’s been in the family for generations. Never once did I ever hear anyone in the family talk about the roof collapsing due to snow or ice. The cynic in me thinks that the reason it’s being shoved down our throats is so that companies will make money. That’s all it’s about: the almighty dollar.

    • Wabbitt
      wabbitt
      February 23, 2015 at 3:36 pm

      It’s the roof rake lobby. They convince you to buy a roof rake, then send muffs out to steal them so you have to buy another.

  • Finnish Goalie
    February 23, 2015 at 8:31 am

    But what if I don’t find 5 foot long icicles hanging off my gutter appealing to the eye?

    • Clean Hippie
      February 23, 2015 at 12:53 pm

      Bite your tongue

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