If David Price And His Terrible GF Don’t Shut Up On Twitter, This Is Gonna Be A $217 Million Disaster

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So the Red Sox went out and signed All-Star pitcher David Price to a 7 year $217 million contract, making him the richest pitcher in MLB history. Lots has been said about this already so it’s time for the Turtle Take:

  • They had to do it. In five or six years this deal is gonna look awful because more than likely he’ll be mediocre by then. But for the next three years he’ll continue to be one of the most dominant left handed pitchers in baseball. This is a team that’s led by Clay Buchholz and Rick Porcello. You don’t win with guys like that. You win with guys like David Price.
  • Stop talking about Price’s record in the playoffs. I don’t care that he’s 2-7 with a 5.12 ERA lifetime in October. Newsflash – the Red Sox are a last place team back to back years. You don’t get to whine about someone sucking in the playoffs if you haven’t come remotely close to getting there in back to back years. You know who’s nasty in the playoffs? Pablo Sandoval. How’s that working out for ya?

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  • If David Price was on this team last year we would’ve won the Wild Card. That’s just a fact. The Yankees got there with 87 wins and the Yankees suck. WE had 78 wins. David Price can easily give this team 10 more wins by himself. He never gets injured and he’s consistent as they come. Get us to the playoffs and give me a reason to watch baseball again in the playoffs.
  • Stop talking about money. It’s not your money and this doesn’t effect you at all. Your tickets at Fenway aren’t jacked up because John Henry has to pay more in salary. He’s gonna charge the same no matter what. The only people that are affected by this are John Henry and maybe Jordan’s Furniture. Ownership will pass on the costs to the advertisers and NESN for the broadcast rights, not the fans. It could be a billion dollars and it wouldn’t matter. There’s no salary cap in baseball. Buy, buy, buy!!

  • Stop talking about Jon Lester. Yes we could’ve gotten a more proven playoff pitcher for much cheaper. Doesn’t matter because it’s in the past. That was Ben Cherington and Larry Luccino trying to be smarter than everyone else because they read online that you don’t give anyone over 30 a big contract. Instead they just wasted money on a 25 year old bum like Porcello. But this is Dave Dembrowski and he could only play the hand he was dealt. His job is to spend John Henry’s unlimited amount of money on the best free agents possible. That’s the whole point of being the GM for the Red Sox.
  • With all that said, this signing will turn out to be an epic disaster and I kind of can’t wait to watch it unfold. Not because Price won’t pitch well, because he’ll be his usual dominant self in that regard. He is going to get MASSACRED by the media. Because David Price is basically a 14 year old girl on social media who has never played in a real baseball market (Detroit doesn’t count). Let’s check out his Twitter so we can show you what I mean:

Thanks for sharing.

Then there’s this one. On October 23 David Price was to take the mound for the biggest start of his career. His Blue Jays were down 3 games to 2 after taking Game 5 against the Royals. He had to win and dominate in order to keep their season alive. It was supposed to be a win because the Royals had Yordano Ventura, a rather mediocre pitcher, on the mound. Here’s what he tweeted the day before:

No clue what he’s talking about. Doesn’t matter, because the Blue Jays lost Game 6 and it was largely because he got out-pitched. If you’re gonna flap your gums on Twitter the night before the biggest game of your life, you better win the next day. Nobody will care about something like this in Toronto, but in Boston this tweet would be the topic of discussion on talk radio for the next two months. We would never, ever forget it. And Price would almost definitely let it get to him. Mike Felger is going to own his brain in six months. Clearly his delicate sensibilities get hurt when journalists write mean things about him in the media. He’s gonna LOVE Dan Shaughnessy.

Then there’s stuff like this:

That tweet is from October 7. On October 8 David Price had his first postseason start for the Blue Jays against the Texas Rangers. He got destroyed, giving up five earned runs and taking the loss. Pro tip for David Price – if you’re gonna lose a playoff game in Boston, make sure you don’t tweet about your conversation you had with Charlie Sheen the night before. It’s not cute when you lose.

Then there’s his prior tweet beefs with Red Sox fans. In the 2013 playoffs when he was on the Rays he got lit up in Game 2 to the tune of 7 earned runs. If you do that in Boston we will not forgive you, and you’ll only make it worse by talking about your illustrious career at Vanderbilt:

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Ya see what he did with that second one? One of the pink hats said something nice about him so he retweeted it. Because David Price likes to cheer himself up on social media after a huge loss.

He also let everyone know that despite losing the game, he still had plenty of other important things:

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Cough, cough….Peyton Manning….cough, cough…..Yea, no one around here gives a shit about any stuff like that. You’re probably gonna dominate in the regular season here, which is what $20 million of your $31 million salary is going towards. The other $11 million is for the playoffs.

And for whatever reason he likes to engage trolls:

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Dude, you’re a MLB All-Star and you’re going at it with random knob jobs on Twitter? You realize how many times Turtleboy is gonna do the same thing to you if you suck in Boston? Better learn how to get over that bros. You’re only letting us win when you respond to us.

Then there was that time he made fun of Tom Verducci for doing his job as a MLB analyst and sharing his opinion about David Price’s on-field performance:


Yea NERDS!!!!

And he’s not above shitting on fans either:


Don’t worry David, Fenway will always be packed with morons as long as they continue to play Sweet Caroline in the 8th inning.

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Massachusetts is also PC central, so racial jokes don’t really go over well around here:



And when you’re making $31 million a year, no one wants to hear you whine about having to pay for coffee:


Then there’s his girlfriend – Tiffany Smith. Back in 2013 when the Red Sox were playing Game 1 against the Rays, she sat in the box seats right by the field and had this to say about the people around her:

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Girl, please. You’re sitting next to women and children in box seats that some executive at Fidelity gave away. There is no crowd in all of sports that is more harmless than a Fenway crowd. It’s mostly women, children, and grandfathers at this point. People who are there to take Instagram selfies and sing Sweet Caroline. If you can’t handle people like this then you’re not gonna do very well here. But then again you’re just his girlfriend – why are you talking?

The next night when David Ortiz hit a bomb off of Price and watched it sale over the right field wall, she had this to share:

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LOL. Shut up loser. You hit a home run, you stare it. Don’t like it? Tell your boyfriend not to throw meatballs down the middle of the plate.


Here’s my question Tiffany – where’s that ring at? I mean, David is 30 and he’s obviously been with you for years, yet here you are still pimping the girlfriend status. Legally he has no ties to you whatsoever and can end your relationship via a text message. Sorry, but I can’t take a player’s “girlfriend” seriously if David Price doesn’t.

Anyway, I wanna see David Price succeed, I really do. He’s as talented as they get, but until he proves me wrong I’m gonna take him for what he is – a dominant regular season pitcher who will get us back to the playoffs before choking and making a fool of himself on Twitter.


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10 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    December 4, 2015 at 12:55 am

    I can’t wait to be blocked on Twitter by his arrogant bitch of a slam piece.

  • Common Sense Isn't So Common
    December 4, 2015 at 12:44 am

    P.S. like you’ve never had a shitty girlfriend…..

  • Common Sense Isn't So Common
    December 4, 2015 at 12:41 am

    In 78 your parents where in high school, in 86 you where in a onezie and still shitting yellow…he’s our ace take off the diaper and deal with it…

  • Common Sense Isn't So Common
    December 4, 2015 at 12:35 am

    Seriously Turtleboy he’d K you 5 out of 5 times, maybe even at the whiffle ball tourny at the JCC… Give him a break I might even watch am inning this yr….didn’t last yr and I’m 10 years older than you so I actually know what it’s like to be a suffering baseball fan in these parts…. Your a ” Rubba” sometimes…

  • FatFingerLou
    December 3, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    Price vs. Boston Sports Media will be like the woman who tries to run for it when the swarm of flesh-eating alien birds arrives in the movie Pitch Black. Not pretty and it doesn’t end well.

  • BobnMic
    December 3, 2015 at 11:26 am

    I’d rather if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet rather then watch Futbal.

  • Momof3
    December 3, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Seriously? My 12 year old has posts to Twitter that are more mature! This will be interesting! Can you see folks like them volunteering for the Jimmy Fund? They act like spoiled brat punks!

  • Publius
    December 3, 2015 at 9:42 am

    Yet another example of why no one can afford to go to games anymore which has directly contributed to the continued decline in interest in baseball this sport and football will be anecdotes in a few years, and then we can all watch the one world sport. Futbal.

  • Commode Comando
    December 3, 2015 at 9:00 am

    The only sport lower class than baseball is basketball.

    I am an atheist in the land of rabid sox evangelists.

  • BlackandWhite
    December 3, 2015 at 6:26 am

    Whoah. Dat hair!!

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