If You’re A 300 Pound Lardo In A Small Town You Probably Shouldn’t Steal From The Country Store’s Tip Jar Because 300 Pound Lardos Aren’t Inconspicuous

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So some lardo decided it would be wise to steal from the tip jar at Quaddick Country Store in Thompson:

The worst part about it was that the whole thing seemed premeditated. Like, this wasn’t spur of the moment. It was his plan. He asked her to get something that he knew she’d have to go into the back of the store to find. Dick move bros. Dick move.

Anyway, if you’re gonna rob the tip jar you should probably try to be a little bit more inconspicuous. Ya know, because that guy weighed more than 300 pounds. Kind of hard to miss. And it’s not like the girl behind the register could possibly be making that much money. It’s not like she’s not gonna notice all the missing cash that sits directly in front of her all day. The second she realizes it’s gonna she’s gonna ask herself who could’ve taken it? Oh yea, that lardo who made me go to the back to get him a syrup and cholesterol shake.

After that the store reviews the tape, posts it on Facebook, and within minutes everyone starts pointing to this guy:

Nice going Dad. He did at least return the money to the store, but only because he kind of had no choice. Turns out he goes there all the time too, since East Killingly isn’t that far from southeastern Thompson.

The lesson here is simple – don’t steal shit from stores in 2017. There’s cameras everywhere and they all have Facebook. You will get caught. If you rob a store you’re a dickhead. But if you steal from the tip jar? Well, that’s just a whole nother level of dooshnozzelry.

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