WTF

Important Question – How Old Is Too Old To Shop At American Eagle?

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So this Turtleboy was at the Auburn Mall today because Mrs. Turtleboy says I dress like a scrub and all my clothes smell. But I really hate shopping for clothes. I have a closet full of them and I couldn’t even tell you where half of them came from. I just have a knack for acquiring fabulous name brand attire without shopping for them. I used to like buying clothes when I was a teenager and had no money, but now that I’m an adult and I have money I really just hate doing it. It’s time consuming and awful. And the hard part is I don’t know where to go. I’m a Marshall’s guy. Always have been. Name brand stuff at great prices. Can’t beat it. So when I go to the Auburn Mall I don’t even know what store to walk into.

Anyway, I stumbled upon American Eagle and decided to go in. Probably haven’t stepped foot inside an AE for at least 7-8 years. But I used to go there all the time in high school because it was like the Abercrombie and Fitch for kids who didn’t get an allowance. But pretty much everything in American Eagle has AE or their logo on them, so you’re basically giving them free advertising.

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The reason I hadn’t been in there in so long though, is because I kind of feel like I grew out of it. Anyone else feel that way or am I alone on this one? I think I stopped going there once I realized that I was the oldest one in the store every time I went. So I guess my question is, how old is too old to shop at American Eagle?

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I hate going to American Eagle for two main reasons.

  1. The poor kids working there are required to ask you if you need any help. Thanks buddy, but I think I can navigate myself around your store full of cheap t-shirts and cargo shorts. This is such an unnecessary interaction. If I need help, I’ll come find you. I know you’ll be available because you’re obviously bored as shit from working in retail. I also know you probably hate asking me that question and your asshole boss, who thinks he’s hot shit because he’s making $30,000 a year and gets to boss you around, makes you ask me. But this is why Turtleboy will forever be a Marshall’s guy. Because at Marshall’s you’re on your own to explore and find the hidden treasures.
  2. The music is so metrosexual and terrible. Please, for the love of God, what the hell is this song?

I feel like I’m in a Eurotrash nightclub. Who listens to music like that? I know kids don’t. I know adults don’t. So who does that leave us with? Why is awful music like this GUARANTEED to be playing the moment you walk into any American Eagle?

Anyway, I bought two shirts off the clearance rack for $17 and Mrs. Turtleboy says I look sharp. Even when lose we still win in the Turtleboy family.

 

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25 Comment(s)
  • titi ho
    July 17, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    wtf is the point of this thread

  • JenB
    July 17, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    Rule of thumb for me is, if my daughter likes the store and can fit in the clothes sold there, I probably shouldn’t shop there. When she hits 30, maybe we can shop at the same store, but even then I am not so sure.

  • Sunshine Raindrops
    July 17, 2016 at 3:26 pm

    Shame on you Bob. Animals had to die to make leather clothing. Anyhoo, Fiesty you really seem to be struggling with the ‘change’. When my mom went through it she swore by all natural Herbal Equilibrium for total menopause symptom relief. I hope this is helpful for you and helps you turn that frown upside down 🙂 Hugz n kzzez to the world. Saving the planet starts with you!

    • BobnMic
      July 17, 2016 at 3:28 pm

      My wife doesn’t mind and she’s a huge animal lover. We have a dog and everything. At first she was against it but after seeing me in an all leather vest, she fell in love all over again!

  • BobnMic
    July 17, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    I buy a lot of leather based clothing because that’s what I wear when I ride my Harley. When I’m not riding then I buy casual clothing that I would use a lot during my vacation time. I go to the Bahamas frequently because of my property I own there. I tend to dress lightly and for the weather.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    July 17, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Everyone knows you’re not me fake Fiesty. Anyone who knows me knows that my scabby hole is very wide and very dry and on the rare occasion that I’m not on the internet and want to get some I fist fuck myself with a tube of KY while firmly gripping a softball.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    July 17, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Stop using my name. I have more fucking class in my middle finger than you have in your entire fat disgusting body you imposter. I’m talking about that hoe Jenn who was born with a silver spoon in her filthy mouth who we will post pictures of her fat sweaty vag on instagram! Now go eat a dick you imposter.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      July 17, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      You do that buddy! Post away… Link it here, I want to see who you think I am. I will be waiting.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    July 17, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Right now I’m jerking off my imaginary cock so I can spray schmeck all over my keyboard. Your days are numbered Jenn. Fuck you and your silver spoon. Why don’t you go suck on your dogs pink dick and make pretend you’re getting some!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      July 17, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      If you think my name is Jenn you are way fucking off… My name is not even in the English language. Good try though! Why don’t you threaten me some more online so I can giggle my tits off today.

      If you ever find out who I really am, please feel free to plaster it all over this blog. I’m not concerned… 😉

      P.S. I don’t have to pretend I’m getting some. I’m married and pretty much have the D available 24hrs/7days a week at my command.

      Have a wonderful Sunday.

  • Joe Max
    July 17, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    Not my thing, but care less on what age group shops there. People are all different, let them buy what they want to for clothes !

  • Bsdec
    July 17, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    Bonobos.com

    No shopping. They mail it to you and it fits.

  • Colton
    July 17, 2016 at 12:40 am

    Asking if you need help looking for anything is called CUSTOMER SERVICE. Plain and simple.

  • Willie
    July 16, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    The Auburn Mall?? No one doing reasonably well in this world would ever go there.

  • Light My Fire
    July 16, 2016 at 9:06 pm

    What’s wrong with the Salvation Army outlet? Best deals around on quality brands.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      July 16, 2016 at 9:35 pm

      Salvation army is a sham. They charge $10 for a used t-shirt and if $10 is all someone can afford they are better off getting a brand new shirt at Burlington for that same price.

      When I was in my early 20s I needed a bed frame when I first moved to MA so I went to Salvation army and they were charging $100 for a Queen bed FRAME… the METAL kind. I never in my life walked into a used store since. Although, I don’t judge people who do.

      I ended up finding a frame on Craigslist (wood) for $35 lol. Ahhh college life, I don’t miss those days.

      • frugal fanny
        July 16, 2016 at 10:27 pm

        Goodwill – much better than Salvation Army.

      • Sterling Turtle Rider
        July 17, 2016 at 5:15 am

        The Salvation Army just started a campaign “new lower prices”, (at least the one in Fitchburg that I frequent)… got the awesome green blazer that I’m wearing there for all of $8, and was upset that it wasn’t the correct tag color for half off Wednesday (I’m a cheap bastard).
        I couldn’t imagine them charging $100 for a metal bedframe… seen many of them there for much less. Not to say that it didn’t happen, but I imagine that it might have been in one of their ‘high demand’ times… they seem to get it more now.

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          July 17, 2016 at 10:42 am

          I haven’t been there in a long while. This was about 10 years ago maybe 11 or so… A while back! I think I asked someone if it was priced wrong, and she said no. So, I just walked out. I mean it probably was priced wrong and she was too lazy to check, but I had given up at that point. I needed to NOT have my mattress on the floor like a gross young college student anymore…lol

          Don’t get me wrong I will never judge someone for shopping at those places, but I always think that with the right sales, people could find new clothing at prices that are similar to those I remember seeing at that store. Everyone has a different mindset on what is important or holds value. Some people don’t want to spend money on clothes, I’m not against that… I just wish people would go to the stores first during good sales before they throw their money away at places like Salvation Army or Goodwill who overprice (in my opinion) but things could have changed!

  • Mr. Leahy
    July 16, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    I have been to the Auburn Mall several times and only to kill time while my car charges.

    The place is a s**thole. It payed off a couple of times when we stopped at the Hallmark store on the way to visit relatives in the hospital.

    I can’t believe you intentionally went there to shop…

  • GoneWest
    July 16, 2016 at 7:39 pm

    As soon as you get your license, the first thing you do is drive to the mall and replace all the AE, Aero, Hollister, and Abercrombie you may have acquired.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    July 16, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    I’m 35 and feel really old in that store. I like Ann Taylor Loft and LOVE Nordstroms in Millbury… I practically live there. Sucks for men but Mrs. Turtleboy would love it.

    I think if you’re looking for brand names and good prices you’re better off going to the outlets in Wrentham. Eddie Bauer, Cole Haan, Nautica, J. Crew… for men they are really good stores. When I ask my husband to go to Wrentham with me, he knows it’s 6 hours of hell…. I love that place. He hates shopping so I have to beg like a like ass bitch but I always get my way!

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      July 16, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      Like a punk ass bitch*

      Even my phone is embarrassed to admit it.

      • Rusty Shackelford
        July 17, 2016 at 12:23 pm

        Ass bitch sounds sexier.

  • FACTMAN1000
    July 16, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    AE should have a bouncer checking IDs making sure no grown ass men over 25 are shopping there.

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