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So this Turtleboy was at the Auburn Mall today because Mrs. Turtleboy says I dress like a scrub and all my clothes smell. But I really hate shopping for clothes. I have a closet full of them and I couldn’t even tell you where half of them came from. I just have a knack for acquiring fabulous name brand attire without shopping for them. I used to like buying clothes when I was a teenager and had no money, but now that I’m an adult and I have money I really just hate doing it. It’s time consuming and awful. And the hard part is I don’t know where to go. I’m a Marshall’s guy. Always have been. Name brand stuff at great prices. Can’t beat it. So when I go to the Auburn Mall I don’t even know what store to walk into.
Anyway, I stumbled upon American Eagle and decided to go in. Probably haven’t stepped foot inside an AE for at least 7-8 years. But I used to go there all the time in high school because it was like the Abercrombie and Fitch for kids who didn’t get an allowance. But pretty much everything in American Eagle has AE or their logo on them, so you’re basically giving them free advertising.
The reason I hadn’t been in there in so long though, is because I kind of feel like I grew out of it. Anyone else feel that way or am I alone on this one? I think I stopped going there once I realized that I was the oldest one in the store every time I went. So I guess my question is, how old is too old to shop at American Eagle?
I hate going to American Eagle for two main reasons.
- The poor kids working there are required to ask you if you need any help. Thanks buddy, but I think I can navigate myself around your store full of cheap t-shirts and cargo shorts. This is such an unnecessary interaction. If I need help, I’ll come find you. I know you’ll be available because you’re obviously bored as shit from working in retail. I also know you probably hate asking me that question and your asshole boss, who thinks he’s hot shit because he’s making $30,000 a year and gets to boss you around, makes you ask me. But this is why Turtleboy will forever be a Marshall’s guy. Because at Marshall’s you’re on your own to explore and find the hidden treasures.
- The music is so metrosexual and terrible. Please, for the love of God, what the hell is this song?
I feel like I’m in a Eurotrash nightclub. Who listens to music like that? I know kids don’t. I know adults don’t. So who does that leave us with? Why is awful music like this GUARANTEED to be playing the moment you walk into any American Eagle?
Anyway, I bought two shirts off the clearance rack for $17 and Mrs. Turtleboy says I look sharp. Even when lose we still win in the Turtleboy family.
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