In Shrewsbury They Are Selling Gigantic Wooden Mushrooms That Look Like….Something

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Apparently there is a Facebook page with over 8,000 followers that we have never heard of before, called “Shrewsbury Virtual Yard/Garage/Estate and everything else Sale!” And yesterday, they had something on sale that I need POST HASTE, because I desperately want to put it on Spanky McFarlane’s front lawn:


Oh dear God. It’s the Trogan penis!!! Just imagine the possibilities. You roll that bad boy up to Dana Remian’s house as a sign of good will, and fill it with a bunch of turtle riders. Then when night fall comes everyone jumps out and yells “I’m color blind,” before running away into the night.

But I dream.

Anyway, that is quite the mushroom tip right there. Because who wouldn’t want a gigantic wooden mushroom on their front lawn? Come to think of it, it would probably be better on Old Balls’ lawn. It’ll remind him of the 50’s, back when everything was…..functioning properly.

As you can imagine, the post was bombarded by Shrewsbury Moms looking for something to fill the void in their lives now that 50 Shades of Grey has gotten old. Naturally then this glorious lawn ornament was sold rather quickly.

But luckily today some other creative spirit decided to make an even bigger and badder thunder-rod, and slightly jack up the price:


$100,000,000 for that thing? That seems like a pretty “stiff” price. How much for just the tip? My front lawn isn’t that big, so I dunno if it can handle all that girth. After all, I don’t wanna get shafted. This guy even showed the evolution of his glorious wooden wonderstick:

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Whoever buys that thing is gonna have some angry neighbors, that’s for sure. I mean, how’d you like to wake up every day, look out your window and be greeted by that morning wood? Glorious.

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15 Comment(s)
  • Dangza
    July 11, 2015 at 5:36 am

    Hey. They only reason I let her take the pic was becauze she promised not to share it. The bitch!

  • Frogshit
    July 9, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    I’VE GOT WOOD!!!

  • Well Hung
    July 9, 2015 at 11:30 am

    I gather my previous, and now unavailable, comment regarding the apparent latent tendencies expressed in the ongoing fascination Turtles have with penises hit too close to home. 😉

  • Nanny
    July 9, 2015 at 10:15 am

    Catherine the Great would hit that.

  • GoneWest
    July 9, 2015 at 8:11 am

    That is the most unartistic thing I’ve ever seen

    • RJ
      July 9, 2015 at 8:20 am

      Sounds like someone has never been to a Phish show

      • GoneWest
        July 9, 2015 at 11:08 am

        Got that right

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    July 9, 2015 at 7:57 am

    For the love of gawd that was one of your funner posts. It kind of scares me the visual I had of turtle riders all dressed in white (FU hippies, not kkk outfits because lord knows, thats what your bitch ass racists minds would go to first) jumping out of the head of that shroom screaming.

    The dog in the first few shots isn’t sure if he want to piss on that bad boy, or just hump the crap out of it. Maybe it should just run the other way and save getting splinters or ass blasted by a hippie while doing it’s thing.

  • Black
    July 9, 2015 at 6:52 am

    Let’s call them Woodies!

  • BobnMic
    July 8, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    That’s what the old dude wearing, “I’m with the Bitch” tee shirt was proudly sporting with the assistance of the blue pill no doubt! Friggin’ that dude was ready to fire away…

  • Fist
    July 8, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Someone needs to kill this guy to save the Birch trees.

    • Orn
      July 9, 2015 at 3:20 pm

      Who Said anything about me cutting trees down .WTF .I use Only dead and downed trees . When you choke on a hamburger , do you cry about the cow ?

  • oneopinion
    July 8, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    Frustrated women (I mean they’re frustrated)… Are you sure it isn’t your friend making these things?

  • D-day
    July 8, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    Oh My!

  • HeatherLyn
    July 8, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    i went to school with that guy’s wife.

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