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I’ve been meaning to chime in about the No Gays Allowed law in Indiana, but I’ve been bogged down with Lisa Dyer’s magical bag of tricks. Anyway, apparently when people in Indiana aren’t whining about deflated footballs they’re monitoring what gay dudes are purchasing. The law that the Indiana State Legislature recently passed is codenamed the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act,” because it sounded a lot better than “Get the hell out of my face homo.” Kind of like how “Coming Together Circlejerk” sounds a lot better than “Kill Whitey.”
Look, you can tell me it’s about religious freedom, and blah, blah, blah. No it’s not. Some people just think gay people have koodies and transmit the gay through money. Like these geniuses:
Well, on the bright side I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one having trouble getting cheese pizzas.
Alright, first of all, what kind of gay wedding is catered by a backwoods Indiana pizza joint? If two straight dudes got married to each other for the legal benefits I would expect this. But not from real gay people.
But more importantly, we might’ve found the most magnificently and unintentionally hilarious morons in America.
“We’re not discriminating against anyone. It’s just our religious beliefs. “
Yea, it’s totally not a big deal. We don’t let in any sinners. Why just last week some harlet walked in there with a scarlet A tattooed on her ass and she was denied service for adultery. Then this other guy was about to get away with a pizza before he announced to the world that after he ate it he was gonna go on Redtube and treat his body like an amusement park. No pizza for you. And what if you covet your neighbors wife? Can you still eat the pizza there? What if I covet Dr. Jr. Smokeshow Sonya Conner? Can I eat your pizza?
“I don’t think it’s targeting gays. I don’t think it’s discrimination.”
Yea, it’s totally not discriminatory or targeting gay people. Except for all the discrimination. And the fact that it’s only used to discriminate against gays. Besides that she hit the nail right on the head.
The best though was the Dad:
“That’s a lifestyle that you choose. I choose to be heterosexual.”
Yea, being gay or heterosexual is a cognizant choice we all make at some point in our lives. Even ask Kevin O’Connor. He blew a few guys and said, “This ain’t for me.” I remember when I had to make my big choice. Should I be straight or gay? I mean, I liked the fact that I could wear cool sweater vests and get a full body wax. But it was all the gay sex that I wasn’t a fan of. Ultimately I had to go with straight. Tough choice.
“Why should I be beat over the head because they chose that lifestyle.”
Yea, they wanna pay you money to take a bunch of mozzarella, sauce, and dough and turn it into a pizza. Pretty oppressive shit right there.
Look, I don’t think people who are against marriage are bad people or bigots. They’re just stubborn and resistant to change. And at this point they’ve clearly lost the battle so they’re going down with the ship. It’s like those guys in the Alamo. They knew the battle was over but at the same time, fuck Mexico.
And I’ve heard all the arguments about how they have the right to not have a lifestyle they don’t approve of shoved down their throats (no pun intended). But they just don’t make any sense. It’s like, dude, you make pizza. Then you sell the pizza. Whether or not the people consuming that pizza are gonna have a rhinestone tickle party afterwards is irrelevant. Because at the end of the day, you’re not endorsing what they’re doing and you’re not even supporting gay marriage. You’re making a fucking a pizza and then you’re getting money for it. That’s the extent of your involvement in the wedding. You can still hate the gays and make money off them.
Unfortunately for them it was probably not a wise idea to go on TV and do an interview like this. What with the Internet and all:
I’m not gay or anything, but I would absolutely demolish that dick pizza. I kind of felt bad for the folks at Memories Pizza. They’re getting death threats and their business is in danger of shutting down. At least it was until I saw this:
Oh for fucks sake. Why didn’t I think of that? This was all just a big scam isn’t it? Kevin O’Connor doesn’t really give a shit about gay marriage at all. He planned this thing out from the beginning. He just made himself into the pizza Chik-Fil-A. And he made a cool half a mill off of it. This guy is a diabolical genius.
Anyone out there have any good scams they wanna set up with me? Apparently all you have to do is say dumb things on TV, get 95% of the country to hate you, and then wait for the other 5% to throw money at you. God bless America.
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