Social Justice Warriors

Internet Lawyers Suing Turtleboy For Racism, White Privilege

internet lawyer memes

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If I had a nickel for every time the Internet PC police, a) called Turtleboy Sports racist, or b) threatened an imaginary lawsuit against Turtleboy Sports, I’d be the 1%. I would literally own all of you fuckers. Unfortunately we don’t get paid when people do that, but we do get a good chuckle out of it. I saw a few hilarious comments this past week on a couple blogs we wrote. The first was from today’s article about the MASSIVE amount of donations that Worcester protesters raised to bail Ferguson rioters and looters out of jail:

Fuck you ‘turtleboy’ and your unfounded, self-righteous bullshit. You tear down innocent people for the simple pleasure of being a 12 year old child. Get a fucking life. You obviously have too much time on your hands.
I know <redacted>, he’s a nice guys, and 100 times the man you’ll ever be. What you’re doing here is defamation, and it’s unjust.
You want to build a better community, then stop raping it’s members for your own benefit.

Defamation. So hot right now. I love when graduates from Internet Law School lecture me about defamation when I post things I came across on Facebook. Because as you know, Facebook is your fucking diary. Everything people post on there is only for their eyes to see. Anyone else who looks at it is defaming them. It’s UNJUST because a protester said so!! Hey here’s a thought – if you want to lead a completely private life, then don’t willingly post your real name on the second most trafficked website in the world. Especially when you’re raising money for bail money for criminals who just burned and looted a community.

internet lawyer memes

I will give the hippie credit for this – no one has accused me of raping the community before. That’s definitely a first. Because everyone knows that satirically talking about geniuses who raised $350 for criminals is basically the SAME EXACT THING as raping all members of a community.

Then there was this one that came from the article we published about the gang members who stabbed each other at a Worcester strip club and refused to cooperate with the police. I was pretty convinced everyone would agree that refusing to cooperate with the police and continuing the “stop snitching” hoodrat protocol is not a good thing. Apparently though this was racist:

Another ignorant take on a much more intricate problem facing the city. Stupidity masked by a folksy common sense is still stupid. Basically you’re saying let the brown people kill each-other because their not worth it. Your south high comments pretty much cement that theme.

well there it is the stupidest thing ill read

Rule #1 of the protester with nothing productive to say – just call the other person a racist. Bonus points if you call them brown. Sure race was never once mentioned in the article. Yes, Worcester has plenty of white idiots who are in gangs. But if you say that we should let gangsters kill each other who refuse to cooperate with the police and contribute to a lawless society, then apparently you are a racist. Makes sense.

LOL. The funny part is that there is just no possible way whoever wrote this is from Worcester. There is a 99.9% chance they’re a white dude from the burbs. In all the movies they’ve seen the gangsters are always brown. But there’s NOTHING racist about him assuming that only brown people can be in gangs. Nothing racist about that at all.

For the record, the South High comment he’s referring to is this one:

“Sorry, but I’m not paying $10 for a watered down rum and coke to watch some 2011 South graduate from Canterbury Street parade her stretch marks in front of me.”

Newsflash – I’m white and graduated from South High. So are tons of people I know, including a couple other Turtleboy writers. Fucking weird right? I know that in the minds of the suburban race police like this commenter South High is filled with a bunch of black and Puerto Rican gang members, but there’s a lot of honkies too. Sprinkle in some Asians and Indians and you get a slice of Americana and internationalism when you enter the doors.

I valued my South High experience because it exposed me to a diversity of cultures and races at a young age. The suburban white race police hasn’t had this experience, but they HAVE read about racial issues before on Twitter, which logically makes them an expert on race relations. So while I’m able to interact with people of any color and be myself while doing so, people like the commenter are constantly trying to prove to “brown” people that they’re one of the “good ones.”

white privilege memes

When someone pointed out that there are white gangs in Worcester the genius had this to say:

Yeah the polish and Swedish gangs are out of control. Whatever you have to tell yourself to defend this Bobo.

LOL. Now I KNOW this idiot went to Oakmont or Algonquin, or some place where Polish gangs don’t exist. You know who I feared more than ANYONE at South? The Polish mafia. Those guys all looked like they were 24 and had awesome cars with rims. And they all got hot chicks too. Fucking with them was a bad idea.

Oh yea, one of the other white gangs you didn’t wanna fuck with was GTB. I’m 99% that stood for Grand Theft Boys, but everyone called them “Get the bikes.” Nevertheless, those guys ran Canterbury Street like you read about. Nobody fucked with them. I don’t know if they still exist, but I’m willing to bet there is some sort of equivalent gang that has taken their place if they don’t.

Oh yea, and what about the mafia? I’m pretty sure those guys are whiter than Bromfield High School. Here’s what the commenter had to say:

The mafia is considered “organized crime”. The only gangsters or “gangstas” that I know of are latin kings, ms13, bloods, crips, triads etc. The Article is very careful to not specify the race or ethnicity of the parties in question by design I might add. But make no mistake who it is referring too. It’s cowardly and insulting.

LOL, the Triads. So this guy’s knowledge of gang activity in Worcester includes anecdotal evidence about gangs he heard about in a Tupac song and Rush Hour 2.

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Gotcha.

He is right though. The article was very careful not to mention race or ethnicity, largely because race and ethnicity had NOTHING to do with it. As a matter of fact the police didn’t release the names of the stabbing “victims” and neither did we. But when you’re part of the race baiting PC crowd it is your patriotic duty to police the internet and infer about the motivations of Turtleboy writers.

Keep up the good work protesters!!

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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8 Comment(s)
  • Under The Turtle And Dreaming
    January 6, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    I have a question: I know a Turtleboy Sports contributor. And he is ugly. Ugly as Sin. So ugly I don’t want to mention his name because he might beat me up at the next family holiday. Does that mean Turtleboy is racist against beautiful people? Am I racist?

    Also, this is my first time ever commenting on any site. I am appalled how people troll all day when they should be working at their jobs and supporting families and real things like that? Am I missing out on something? Should I be trolling more and protesting things that don’t affect me?

    Sincerely,
    -Confused in the Real World

    p.s. Get me that lawyer dog!

  • Bob
    January 4, 2015 at 11:22 pm

    Hey Clarence, Bob here again.
    I think you and your kronies misunderstood my intentions previously. It had nothing to do with protesters, but people. People you know nothing about, but feel obligated to have a opinion on who they are or what they stand for.
    I appreciate your latest post, I’ve never been featured in an article before. However, you (and others) have been a little off the mark.
    I’m not a hippie, I probably make more money then the lot of you. I’m not practicing or studying law, just using a word in the English language (which for our slower friends means damaging ones reputaton).
    The real point is I hate your guts, and I hate what you stand for. I love my city, and it’s trash like you who make us look bad.

    • Chris Curtis
      January 5, 2015 at 12:15 am

      Hey Bob, I’m happy that you’re rich. I’m real proud of ya. I aslo see you haven’t denied the fact that you’re not from Worcester and are hilariously unfamiliar with the fact that Worcester has white gangs. Unfortunately for you though you don’t quite seem to understand what defamation is. A quick google search will show you that it means:

      “the act of making untrue statements about another which damages his/her reputation.”

      Since we merely reposted things that other people put on the Internet I would love to hear more about how this constitutes defamation. I mean, you’re obviously very familiar with that word because you throw it around like a champ!! The bottom line is that I could care less that over-sensitive wannabe lawyers like you hate what we stand for at Turtleboy Sports. We’re not just a group of writers. We say what the community at large is thinking. That’s why we’re an unstoppable force of nature right now. Thanks for reading champ!!

  • Worcester What?!
    January 4, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    PLEASE, PLEASE, nimrod protesters PLEASE keep lecturing Turtle Boy. It is unintentionally hilarious-which is the BEST kind of hilarious.

    Instead of figuring out how to make the cos’ jobs of filtering our the criminal A-holes who want to hurt you from the normal people who may just happen to be wearing a hoodie or a mafia style Armani suit that doesn’t involve profiling, lets just be whiny bitches who rail about imaginary gangs we saw in movie, and disrupt completely innocent family events!

    Yeah, that’s gonna help an innocent student with a brown face walk down the street unmolested. GENIUS! Keep it up. Oh, New York…kinda inconvenient completely predictable consequence to your moronic self promotion attention grabbing agenda.

  • Non Sequitor
    January 4, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Well I’m calling you a racist for NOT referring to Irish gangs.

    Possibly the most violent of them all.

  • Amy Shumway
    January 4, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I agree with Megan, please Turtleboy/s, don’t ever shut up or stop organizing words in the way that you do!! Perfection!

    • Vanderbooger
      January 6, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      Heyyy there Amy 🙂 I can organize words even better than Turtleboy. Wanna see how many words I can organize while you massage my thighs?

  • Megan DaSilva
    January 4, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    I lovvvveeeee Turtle Boy!!!! I wish I was as witty and charming when writing about all the thoughts in my head! Once again you took the words from my mind!!! Love it!!!!

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