Is Sony Cancelling The Interview Because Of North Korean “Terrorist Threats” The Most Un-American Thing You’ve Ever Heard Of?

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BBC: Sony Pictures has cancelled the planned US release on 25 December of the film The Interview, after major cinema chains decided not to screen it. The film is about a fictional plot to kill North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Hackers have already carried out a cyber attack on Sony and warned the public to stay away from cinemas screening the film. The US government said it was considering a “range of options” on how to respond to the attack.

I’m sorry, when did I move to France? Because this is by far the the most un-American thing I have ever seen.

First of all, it’s North fucking Korea. There isn’t a more harmless country to the United States than North Korea. You know what idea has never really gotten off the ground in North Korea? Their air force. This is a country that actually convinced it’s citizens that they beat the USA and Japan in the World Cup, before defeating Portugal 7-0 in the finals. That actually happened. There isn’t a more harmless country that has ever existed in world history than North Korea. Genghis Khan could do more with a horse and his raping boots than these clowns can do today.


And we’re letting them bully us? What kind of bullshit, communist nonsense is this? Here’s the actual threat these goobers sent:


We will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.

Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.

The world will be full of fear.

Remember the 11th of September 2001.

We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.

(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)

Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.

All the world will denounce the SONY.

Worst. Terrorists. Ever. I mean, I’ve seen notes that I take more seriously inside of fortune cookies. It’s like if you mention September 11th everyone stops what they’re doing. What kind of message are we sending to the terrorists? Just mention 9/11 and you can get America to stop enjoying their freedom. What kind of bullshit is that?

Seriously, you know what a real terrorist country does? They hire someone who can actually speak English to write the ransom note. All the world will denounce the Sony? That’s pretty much a dead giveaway that this is what is going on behind the threat:


Or here’s an idea, don’t fucking warn us before a 9/11 style attack. You know why 9/11 worked for the terrorists? Because they didn’t give us their two weeks notice before it went down. Real terrorists countries bomb first and make statements later.

And I just wanna say that Judd Apatow is a Goddamn American hero. First of all he’s given hope to millions of awkward male teenagers out there, by constantly making sure his disgusting, ugly, and fat protagonists end up with a hot junior smokeshow that is way, way out of their league. And he recycles the same seven actors in every single movie he makes. You know exactly what you’re getting into when you go to a Judd Apatow movie.

More importantly though he’s not afraid to make a flick like this. At Turtleboy Sports nothing grinds our gears more than political correctness. People who shy away from controversy are the worst. Judd Apatow makes movies about assassinating Kim Jong Schlong and I love him for that. He’s saying exactly what I’m thinking right now:

That man just oozes America. I usually am predisposed to dislike anyone associated with Hollywood. But I’ll buy Judd Apatow a beer any day of the week. Seriously, any numb nuts out there can issue an anonymous threat in broken English and get us to change our ways? Since when does America give into terrorism? Do you understand what would happen to North Korea if they somehow miraculously bombed a movie theater in America? There wouldn’t a North Korea anymore.

The best part about this is that in the end the real winner here is Judd Apatow. Do you realize how much money this movie is gonna make? I probably wouldn’t have gone out to see it before, but now I feel like it’s my patriotic duty to do so. Seriously, I hope he releases this for free on Netflix to just fuck over all the theaters who are too chicken shit scared to show this movie. He’d be a cult hero over night.

Here’s another question – where was North Korea when Team America: World Police came out? Are you trying to tell me that Kim Jong Schlong Sr. is just a giant pansy for not threatening to blow us up when that movie was released?


You know what other country North Korea is always threatening to blow up too? South Korea. How’s that going? Because I’d love to have someone explain to me how they’re gonna blow up a country thousands of miles away when they can’t figure out how to bomb their next door neighbors.

This is just yet another example of how America has lost its way. No one from my grandfather’s generation EVER would’ve allowed this to happen. I mean they were dealing with ACTUAL threats. Countries that could ACTUALLY kill Americans in large numbers. And what did they do? Stuck it TO em!! No one was off limits. If you were an enemy of America then we had Daffy Duck whack you in the head:


or Bugs Bunny impersonate your dictator:


or Bugs Bunny emasculate one of your paratroopers in the most racist way possible through caricature:


I want that America back. This is we why fight at Turtleboy Sports. The revolution lives.

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5 Comment(s)
  • Non Sequitor
    December 20, 2014 at 10:08 am

    First things first;

    Since when is a computer hack into an entertainment company (presumably owned by the Japanese) a National Security Event?

    If a bunch of Nigerian extortionists shut down xBox Live are we going to let the NSA handle it?

    As usual, Hollywood and their enablers of bad entertainment have shown they have as much backbone as a gaggle of jellyfish. A major studio produces a movie about assassinating an actual foreign leader, an actual person (admittedly a fat little megalomaniac dictator) and then cowers behind the federal government when that country doesn’t like it and threatens them.

    In a capitalistic society, we should not be declaring a National Security Event when Hollywood gets threatened. They created their own problem. It isn’t America’s problem. Let’s face it, SONY Entertainment does far more harm to the American public on a daily basis than North Korea could ever dream of doing. SONY is one of the leaders in keeping music prices and movie tickets artificially high. They have been extremely repressive regarding music downloads and led the fight against people sharing digital music. Talk about repressive regimes.

    And when they get threatened by another dictator, they cower, run and hide and cry for Uncle Sam.

    Shame on SONY for being cowards.

    Shame on America for caring.

  • Wabbitt
    December 18, 2014 at 7:19 pm

    I picture two guys frantically wheeling a rocket and screaming, “Hurry! Hurry! Oh no – fall apart! No world domination today!” They look at the label on the rocket, “Oh here problem – made in Korea!”

  • Got Nukes?
    December 18, 2014 at 10:15 am

    They want us to remember 9/11….perhaps we should remind the about Hiroshima…..

    • Finnish Goalie
      December 19, 2014 at 1:31 pm

      “They want us to remember 9/11….perhaps we should remind the about Hiroshima…..”

      Yeah, right on the Chinese, Russian, Japanese, and South Korean borders. That’d go over smooth.

  • redleghockey .
    December 18, 2014 at 4:31 am

    Solid, do you think those dusty Commies could track my OnDemand purchases?

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