Japapeno Mac And Cheese Boy’s Apology Video Just Made Him An Even Bigger Asshole


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Just when you thought bacon jalapeño mac and cheese boy Luke Gatti would disappear into the realms of Internet assholes, he purposely put himself back in the spotlight with an apology video that he uploaded to yesterday. What do you think?

What a buttnut this little turdlinger is. Let’s look at what he said and examine how this kid just reaffirmed everything we already thought about him. His comments are in italics and Turtleboy’s rational thoughts follow in bold.

I’ve seen the video and let me just get a few things out there. I’m gonna start by apologizing to all the staff involved in my incident, especially the manager, who was just doing his job. He gave me so many chances to walk away and I just didn’t listen to him. I was being an asshole to him, no one deserves to be treated that way. Ever (laughs). To say the least I was VERY intoxicated.”

Newsflash – we’ve all been very intoxicated before. Most of us start drunk dialing ex-girlfriends or fall over into a patch of perfectly placed rose bushes. But no normal person gets drunk and assaults a cafeteria employee. I don’t care how good that bacon jalapeño mac and cheese is, no person with a soul has it in them to act like that in public no matter how drunk they are.


And when I watched the video a few days later I couldn’t even believe it was me in it. Like, I was just watching it thinking, like, Oh my GOD, like, like, what is wrong with me? This isn’t what I’m all about. Like, I don’t treat people this way, and, I am ashamed. I really am ashamed of myself. 

This isn’t what you are all about? Dude this is EXACTLY what you are all about. You were arrested last year at UMass, not once, but twicin a fortnight. You called a white cop the “n” word, and went out of your way to find yourself in handcuffs.

You know how I can tell he’s not “really ashamed of himself.” Because this is the face he made when he said that:

Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 10.11.13 AM

That’s the face I made when my French teacher asked why I didn’t do my homework. It’s the face you make when you know you fucked up and you can’t find a way to justify it.

Oh yea, and no one gives a shit about “what you’re all about.” No one cares. Nobody wants to get to know the “real” Luke. It’s like when Dzokhar Tsarnaev blew up the marathon and his fifth grade math teachers and wrestling teammates came out of the woodworks to talk about how this wasn’t anything like the Jafar they knew. We don’t wanna know about the softer sides of notorious assholes. We saw all we needed to see.

The thing that’s always gotten me into trouble is just my big mouth. I talk and talk and I don’t know when to shut up.

Yet you’re still talking. Hey moron, what you’re not getting is that this isn’t about you. You’re the villain we never wanna hear from again. This is about the hardworking people who work in the cafeteria and feed asshole trust fund, lucky Long Island sperm like yourself.


Being stubborn, being stupid. And I’ve got some problems that I am addressing. And, this is seriously a wakeup call.

Yea, because last year’s two arrests in two weeks weren’t a wakeup call already. NOW you realize that you might have a problem with being a serial asshole.

And I would also like to apologize to my friends and family who have always supported me through the years. I have completely disappointed them. Completely let them down. I would like to apologize to the student body for representing them poorly. It’s not what UConn is all about. I totally misrepresented them. 

Don’t apologize to your friends and family – they’re the ones who have been enabling you this whole time. They should be apologizing to us. You got kicked out of UMass for being such a dooshnozzle, and what does your Dad do? He gets you into UConn and pays your out of state tuition. Any parent who actually cares about their kid makes them get a job for a year and take classes at community college so you actually learn from your mistakes. But Daddy just got it swept under the rug for you and wrote a check to another school instead.

And, uh yea, that’s pretty much what I have to say. 

Thank God it’s over……

Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 10.48.29 AM

Oh actually, and ummm,


to all those who want to send donations of mac and cheese to me. Please, just send it to your local food pantry. There’s a lot of hungry people out there. 

Oh shut the fuck up already. That is the most passive aggressive bullshit I’ve ever read. It’s like the guy who writes on Facebook, “I don’t volunteer down at the youth center so people can tell me I’m a great guy. I do it for the look on the kid’s faces, knowing that I’m making a difference in their lives.”

This is the moment where you can tell this kid hasn’t learned a thing. He’s still a poop sandwich. No one knew that people were lining up to send this kid mac and cheese. Literally no one besides him. But he wants us to know that he has fans and supporters. He’s getting tons of offers for free stuff, but he’s just so damn humble he can’t accept the donations. As a matter of fact, why don’t you take that food and feed the poor instead. That’s what Luke Gatti, patron saint of mac and cheese would do.


The whole apology turned this kid into an even bigger asshole. No one out there has had their opinion of him change as a result of this failed attempt at a bro-pology. He’s smirking throughout the whole thing, he says “like” a million times because he can’t find the right words.

What this kid should’ve done is embrace the bad boy. Your life is basically fucked at this point. It’s gonna be hard to recover from Lukey’s latest boner. I mean, what college is gonna take you? What company is gonna hire the bacon jalapeño mac and cheese kid? So apologizing is a waste of time.

What he should’ve done is gone rogue asshole in his rebuttal video. Become the biggest possible villain in the history of time and make money off it. Start your own line of mac and cheese. Start a Facebook like page. It’s the only way you can survive in this world going forward and you have no choice now but to embrace it.

If I was this kid’s agent I would’ve told him to do a video where he goes on there and brags about how he’s 1-0 against cafeteria managers and how it took multiple employees AND the cops to take him down. I’d challenge them to another fight and the winner gets unlimited bacon jalapeño mac and cheese for life. Then I’d have him do a rap video where he talks about how gangsta he was during that incident and he found way better bacon jalapeño mac and cheese in Long Island. He would instantly get millions of views and he’d make a fortune selling t-shirts and other merchandise. The question is, what should we brand him as? We need a name that says, “I’m an overly pretentious white kid from Long Island and I know it and don’t give a fuck because I’m above you anyway.”

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10 Comment(s)
  • BlackandWhite
    October 15, 2015 at 6:53 am

    Lawyers made him do this.

  • judyB
    October 13, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    Best way to settle this is for the cafeteria to remove bacon jalapeño mac and cheese from the menu and post a notice that it is on account of this guy.

  • Publius
    October 13, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    His fathet is a big part of the blame. What an arsehole.

  • Wabbitt
    October 13, 2015 at 6:17 pm

    The only job this kid will ever be able to get will either be with his father, or some guy who owes his father a favor.

  • A Guy
    October 13, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    I figured people were sending him boxes of mac & cheese to mock him. I’m hoping my assumptions are still correct. I don’t know how anyone could support this abhorrent behavior.

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Frank Lee
    October 13, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    How about what this idiot’s father said?

    “(his son’s) been hit with a barrage of yelling, screaming, cursing, obnoxious, horrible, hateful, spiteful people berating me and my son for screaming and cursing and berating a stranger. There’s been a world full of people doing exactly what my son did and feeling justified in doing so.”

    Um no not even close but way to get on your soapbox after raising this little #hithead.

  • coffeemate
    October 13, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    He’s an alcoholic. When you drink and have incidents like this…that means u have a problem w booze.

  • Mousy
    October 13, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    Guaranteed, this video was not his idea. I’m pretty sure some adult in his life told him that part of the 12 steps is apologizing for what you’ve done while using.

    Plus, total damage control.

  • strata
    October 13, 2015 at 11:34 am

    His mega wealthy parents will see to it that he’s financially secure the rest of his life. He will be rude and obnoxious the rest of his life. I just hope karma is cruel to him & his enablers.

  • mack4966
    October 13, 2015 at 10:17 am

    There are plenty of guys in prison who would love to get out by apologizing.. This guy should drop out of school and spend time with a psychiatrist. His next apology could come from a jail cell. His so called apology was weak and his attempt at humor at the end was a perfect indication of his rotten character.

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