Just Like We Predicted Miley Cyrus’ Homeless Lover Is A Suburban Kid Who Went To LA To Find Himself And Now His Mom Is Bringing Him Home

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Remember when everyone was slobbering over Miley Cyrus for being such an amazing person?

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I haven’t seen someone get so much praise for doing nothing since Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Turns out the entire thing was a scam, just like we predicted. The “homeless” youth is actually 22 year old Jesse Helt from Salem, Oregon. Just as I predicted he was a dumbass stoner in high school who never graduated and wanted to “find himself” so he moved to LA in 2013.

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So if he moved to LA last year, how old was when he did that? Oh yea 21. We’re supposed to give money to a cause that hands out cash to losers like this because Miley Cyrus is crying. Just like we predicted she is using this kid for good drugs and all night romps in the hay. She even rented him a hotel room for a week:



And according to his Facebook he hates “lazy fat people” and “fake christians”:



So Jesse Helt hates “fat lazy” people huh? That makes sense, because he’s such a go-getter. I know tons of hard working guys that couldn’t make it over the incredibly complicated phase of life known as high school. I mean, hardly anyone can survive four years of putting your head down, asking for bathroom passes, and smoking pot in the quad. Nothing lazy about this middle class, suburban, child of “white privilege” who somehow couldn’t manage to use all the things he was handed in life and turn it into a high school diploma.

Then his Mommy dropped this bombshell to Buzzfeed today:

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So yea, everyone open up your checkbook for this wannabe hippy who tried to find himself in LA and ended up as Miley Cyrus’ charity case at the VMAs. If you don’t then he’ll have to move back in with Mom, and we wouldn’t want that now would we?

I mean, how fucking stupid are people. I saw this one coming from a mile away. It was just so obvious. I realize that you can’t stop idiots on the internet from being dumbasses, but how the fuck does the Huffington Post have a headline like this without doing some basic research?

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Man, people always are just dying to fall for some bullshit. They want the story of redemption so much that they will lie to themselves in order to get there. The script would’ve been perfect. A year after Miley Cyrus made “tweaking” a household word by gyrating herself into Robin Thicke’s bulging chub, she comes out of nowhere to save the homeless. But unlike the Huffington Post we know we know a scam when we see one at Turtleboy Sports. That’s why you’re here reading this people. Because unlike rags like the Huffington Post we keeps it real. Hot. Takes.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Brian Tolles
    August 27, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    You gotta spell check your spell check.. It corrected “chistians (sic)” into christians and twerking into tweaking.

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