Sports

Kansas Jayhawk Fans Are Shitting All Over Worcester Because Of The Naadir Tharpe Naked Photo Debauchery Blog

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TurtleBoy Spots has been known to rub some people the wrong way. It’s not our fault if you can’t handle the hot takes though. We’re pretty much banned in the great states of New York (because of St. Bonaventure), and California (because of Pomona College). Well, apparently you can now add Kansas to that list. We can’t go anywhere near that place.

So the blog we wrote about Naadir Tharpe kind of went a little viral. Tens of thousands of hits in the last 48 hours. I don’t really understand how the internet works completely, but I know when we come up on the first page of Google we’re doing something right. Google “Naadir Tharpe selfie,” “Naadir Tharpe nurse,” or “Naadir Tharpe photo,” and you can see what we’ve become in just a few months in the blogging biz.

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As you can see Google now ranks us ahead of Barstool Sports. Probably because people are sick of trying to guess that ass, and constant Justin Bieber updates. When people want hot takes in the Boston area, it’s pretty clear that the only place they can count on is TurtleBoy Sports.

Well the Tharpe expose got some more national attention because of the SEO. Needless to say they didn’t like that I referred to their coach, Bill Self, as a dooshnozzle for acting like some kind of arbiter of morals when he said that Tharpe disappointed him. TurtleBoy Sports has become all the rage in the Kansas University forum boards. Here are some of the more colorful takes on our blog (in italics)….

I sure glad that this cretin reminded me that there is no reason on earth for me to visit the northeast or Worcester in particular…and why it’s wonderful living in the great Midwestern state of Kansas.

Yea, living in Kansas sounds like a blast. Closest beach is 1,500 miles away. Dust storms. Corn. And who wouldn’t want to wake up every day and see this?

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Look, I’m a Bostonian born and bred and I know what most of the country thinks of this area. But anyone who is from up here will tell you that Worcester is a sh!thole filled with cruddy people. Lumping the Woo in with Bostonians should be a criminal act.
The Woo wants absolutely no association with Boston. We’re obviously a million times better than Boston, but we like them nonetheless. We identify with them, but we are our own separate entity. Kind of like New Hampshire. After all, we’ve got Hurricane Betty’s, the Blarney, and the Turtleboy Statue and they don’t. Game over.
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It is refreshing to see a New Englander take up for a black guy.
Right. Because Kansas is well known to be a haven for social justice. Ever heard of this thing called Brown vs. Board of Education? Yea your useless state’s segregation laws were THE reason that schools in America became integrated. If it weren’t for you rednecks Linda Brown’s grandkids would probably still be going to the colored school 10 miles away.
Nobody would put Woostah on their travel list, unless they wanted to see a tractor-pull at the Centrum.Woostah is Massachusetts’ arsehole.Nah dude, you’ve got us all wrong. Massachusetts has several arseholes. The top 5 are, 1) Cambridge, 2) Holyoke, 3) Ware, 4) Lawrence, 5) Webster. Oh yea, and it’s the DCU Center now. They probably still have tractor pulls down there though. You Kansas folk would actually really enjoy it. It’s your basic Friday night in Wichita. Oh yea, and have you ever heard of the Worcester Surge? Only the greatest semipro Arena Football team. Best year and a half ever.

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My favorite comment might’ve been this one though:

This sports show dj seems to have gone to the KK school of journalism – just say something so shocking that it will draw ratings with the sheer number of people I piss off.  Honestly, step back and consider the reality of his position – he is calling Bill Self names for saying nothing more than that he is disappointed by Tharpe’s decision making.  Really?  That’s it?  How about the feelings of the woman in the dj’s very home town who happens to be there with Tharpe’s infant child.  I’m sure that kid will think Bill Self was the culprit when friends of hers in 5th grade come up to her with this picture of her father.  And where will those unforgiving, judgmental kids be from – oh, yah, Worcester, Mass.  If you are like the dj that made these comments and have never stopped to consider the logic and truth behind the phrase “ignorance is bliss”, give it a shot.

Unbeknownst to all of you, TurtleBoy Sports moonlights as a DJ on Jamn’ 94.5. I’ve read this post several times and still have absolutely no idea what this individual is trying to say. But apparently he doesn’t find Disc Jockey’s like me very funny at all.

Then there was this one:

Worcester is the Topeka of Massachusetts.

So I’m not up to date with Kansas humor. Is this supposed to be an insult or a compliment or an insult? I’ve heard of Wichita, Lawrence, and Topeka in Kansas. One of those is the capital I’m pretty sure. So is that a bad thing?

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This one made me laugh out loud:
Worcester? WTF is the matter with Worcester? That place is the earth’s armpit, worse than Mumbai on a blistering hot day.
Mumbai on a blistering hot day is the ultimate burn. Just thinking about the stench of it makes me wanna blow chunks. I saw Slumdog Millionaire. Doesn’t seem like very much fun at all.
Just know not all people from Worcester are like that.  Actually good amount of decent parts of Worcester.  The parts you can see from the highway though…not so much. Let’s just say I am from the Worcester area and have never heard of Turtle Sports.
Yea, the reason you haven’t heard of TurtleBoy Sports is because you’re one of those Nancy Boys from Holden who masquerades as a Worcester resident when you go to college. Fraud.
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This guy right here is the man though. Even ask him:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, more like Junction City; filled with retards running around like a bunch of macho jackoffs who think they can outdrink guys who grew up in a state (Kansas) with literally nothing better to do.

Yea, that’s it. I hear people around Worcester talking about that all the time. Why just the other day I was hanging out with my friends Jay Reimenschneider and Bob Saccamano, and they were telling me how they can literally drink anyone under the table. So I asked them, “You can even outdrink guys in Kansas?” They responded “Especially guys in Kansas.” Because that’s what makes us cool – the fact that we can drink a shitload of beer!! Murica!!

Then there was this:

Isn’t Lowell crappy?

 

See, now we’re getting somewhere. At least Worcester has ten colleges, Bob Cousy, and Salisbury Street. This is what Lowell’s got:

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Love when I see this too:

People from Worcester are such sh!tbags they don’t even know how to properly pronounce the name of their god forsaken hell hole they call home.

Hey dooshnozzles, this is the one word we pronounce the right way. Worcester isn’t a Worcester word. It’s an English word. You remember England right? The place we rebelled against while you guys were building slave factories? Don’t listen to me though, just see what wikipedia has to say:

Worcester (/ˈwʊstər/ wuuss-tər)[1] 

Boom. Roasted.

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Here’s the last one I’ll point out:
Why are you people reacting to a link to a place called turtleboy?
Ummmmmm, maybe because they realize their useless flyover state was just scorched by the smoking hot takes emanating from TurtleBoy Sports? Ever heard of us?
Newsflash Kansas Jayhawk fans, our city is a million times more relevant than your entire state….
We gave America JFK. You gave America Bob Dole.
We have nice looking foliage. You have cow shit.
We have the Patriots. You have…..the Chiefs?
We gave this country independence and abolitionism. You gave this country Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church.
We gave Hollywood Dennis Leary. You gave Hollywood Fatty Arbuckle.
Our worst disaster was Hurricane Bob. Your worst disaster’s have best selling novels written about them (Grapes of Wrath, Wizard of Oz).
You got Paul Pierce for two years, and never made the Final Four. We had Paul Pierce for 15 years, made four Conference Championships, two NBA Finals, and won a Championship.
You gave America the Koch brothers. We gave America Elizabeth Warren. Alright, that one’s a wash, but you get the point.
Thanks for letting us store missile silos in your God forsaken wasteland of a state, Kansas. God bless your creationist hearts, and Go Jayhawks!!!
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Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.
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2 Comment(s)
  • big
    April 5, 2014 at 9:23 am

    not all peeps from kansas are dipshit KU fans, nor are we all bible beating, god fearing morons. you dont have to go all pressure cooker on my KC peoples, and lets not forget where religious persecution really began…phukn boston

  • April 2, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    I approve.

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