Kevin Gorman Is Trolling TurtleBoy on Twitter After UMass Finally Loses A Game To Florida State And Terrible Refs

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TurtleBoySports is officially being trolled by an AP Top 25 Men’s College Basketball voter. After Kevin Gorman was the only one of 65 voters to have UMass out of their Top 25 last week, and attempting to justify this with an incoherent, rambling diatribe, that left us all stupider than before we read it, he apparently decided to check out the Minutemen this week. He was noticeably silent when UMass made quick and easy work on the road against Ohio. But after UMass was literally robbed by the referees of their undefeated season in Florida yesterday, everyone’s favorite uninformed voter was there to rub it in to TurtleBoySports on Twitter:

Screen Shot 2013-12-22 at 4.34.10 PM

First of all, what is a tweep, and should UMass fans be offended by this? Is this some sort of derogatory term in Pittsburgh? Kevin covers quality individuals like Ben Roethlisberger, and is a graduate from everyone’s favorite pedophile-protecting factory, Penn State. So it wouldn’t be surprising if this was some sort of insult about my mother.

I haven’t really responded to him on Twitter because it’s just not possible to explain what a stooge he is being in 140 characters. But let’s look at why UMass fell from the ranks of the undefeated yesterday….

  • The rims in the arena were the biggest joke since Florida was added to the Union. Since they never, ever play basketball in that arena, it was like trying to put it in the hoop at a rigged carnival game. This isn’t an angry UMass fine whining – this comes from Florida State  player Aaron Thomas – “In warm-ups we were complaining about the rims,” Thomas said. “We weren’t happy with them. They weren’t breakaways. We weren’t able to get a shooter’s roll.” 
  • The rims were one reason that Chaz Williams shot 4-14, as layup after layup just rimmed out. The other reason was that this was a bad matchup for UMass. Cady Lalanne was inefficient offensively because of their post-communist giant Boris Bojanovsky. He made it nearly impossible for Chaz to do what he does best – take it to the hoop and make magic happen. UMass super fan Brian Long disagrees with this assessment:

Screen Shot 2013-12-22 at 5.09.51 PM


But the fact of the matter is that he had 7 blocks, in just 16 minutes, not four. Cady was great defensively (4 blocks, 15 rebounds), but offensively he was limited by the Seminoles size down low  (5 of 11 shooting). What do you think of that Super Fan?

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How many shots did he alter? Hmmmm, let’s just look at the second half. There was this one…



this one



this one



this one



this one

this one

this one

this one

and many more….

  • UMass shot 1 of 15 from three. That’s a statistical anomaly that simply will never happen again. If they shot 3 of 15 they win the game.
  • Derek Kellogg was out coached at the end. The TurtleBoy lovefest officially ended in the final minutes of that game. DK blew it. FSU made a simple defensive adjustment in the final minute. UMass looked like they had no freaking clue what to do – like they had never seen a zone before. I was screaming at the TV for a timeout which never came:
  • The reffing was a disgrace to humanity. Look, I’ve come to expect terrible judgement in Florida. This is a state where you can stalk black children until you provoke them into hitting you, and then you can just kill them. This is a state where Casey Anthony can still go out clubbing after killing her child. Thus it’s not surprising that in Florida this is considered a foul…


but this isn’t


There were all sorts of funky calls, from mystery double dribbles

to phantom travel calls

to blocking fouls that were obviously offensive fouls.

The game was obviously fixed, but UMass still stayed in it. Then the debacle of the final seconds happened:

So apparently if you’re hacked by a defender, and then hang on the rim so as not to land on your Lithuanian hit man, this is a foul on you? Only in Florida remix:

So ultimately I’m not that worried about this loss Kevin Gorman. UMass is still one of the 25 best teams in the country, and they proved that even in defeat. What does it take to beat UMass on the road? Only a 1 of 15 shooting performance from downtown, terrible officiating that kept Raphiael Putney and Tyler Bergantino on the bench (8 fouls in a combined 16 minutes), YMCA rims, and a giant Lithuanian. Florida State beats ranked teams like it’s going out of style and were three point favorites, so this isn’t exactly some big shock or upset. UMass is still a Top 25 team and if you don’t vote for them then you just reinforce what everyone who reads TurtleBoySports already knows: you are a fraud.

Go U!!

Oh yea, one more thing. Florida State wore turquoise uniforms to raise awareness for Native American and Aboriginal youth. Because I just assumed Native Americans were born as adults. I had no idea they were ever youths. The only thing this made me aware of is that Jameis Winston is still out there taking advantage of every drunk girl he can in Tallahassee.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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3 Comment(s)
  • jdawg32
    December 23, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    Yeah, Bojanovski isn’t in 1/4 of the “examples” you included. You might want to try again…

  • Blong
    December 23, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Also, the big white guy, who you pose the question “How many shots did he alter? Hmmmm, let’s just look at the second half….”….. well, he isn’t in picture 3, video 1, video 3 or video 4. If you are going to use visual evidence to try and make your point, you should probably make sure that said visual evidence actually supports your point……

  • Blong
    December 23, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    In my defense, the box score after the game stated 4 blocks. It has since been updated to 7.

    You also failed to mention that I clearly stated that he was a factor in the paint, but that I disagreed with your assertion that he “owned the paint.” There were plenty of times where we got to the rim and scored, as well as plenty of times where that guy was a factor.

    7 blocks is impressive, but he only had 2 defensive rebounds. UMASS continued to try and take it inside and challenge their bigs… if he had “owned the paint”, they would have settled for pull-up jumpers. Instead, the refs failed to make the right calls everytime our guys got hit inside and the rims were not forgiving.

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