I can’t believe I forgot to write about this, but last week this bro from Western Michigan gave one of the most epic interviews ever recorded on local news. Apparently this 20 year old kid named James Taylor threw one of the most epic benders of all time, complete with strippers, booze, drug overdoses, and date rape. The next day the news showed up at his house and the rest was Youtube history:
There is no one in America who gives less fucks about anything than James Taylor. First of all, how the hell does a 20 year old kid own a house? Are they just giving away land in Western Pennsylvania?
Secondly, “apparently it was worth it” is an awesome way to look at life when you’re about to be arrested.
Third, I couldn’t respect this kid more for blaming the parents. He is 100% correct too. Apparently there were a shitload of underage kids there, as young as 14 years old. If your 14-year-old kid is at a rave all night then you are a shitty parent. Period. And it’s not this kid’s job to ID your kids. This isn’t some licensed bar. It’s a white trash rave in western Michigan.
Most importantly though, the fact that there was a stranger passed out in his house the next day DURING the interview, and the fact that he said, “I didn’t make this kid pass out on my floor,” makes this the most legendary interview ever.
Well, the story just managed to get better today. The guy on the floor came out publicly and somehow managed to give an even better interview than James Taylor. His name is Ray Hulin. Apparently he is also a “rapper” named “Ratchet.” Sit back and enjoy his greatness:
Where the hell do they find these people? And why doesn’t he have a reality TV show yet? Loved this line:
“I feel like I lasted longer than anyone in the house. Yea I passed out, but I woke up and kept drinking.”
Because when you’re a 27 year old going nowhere in life it is VERY important that you establish the fact that you can outdrink a bunch of 14 year olds. A lot of guys his age are getting out the party phase and thinking about settling down. Not Ratchet though. That shit’s wack. Number one thing on his priority list today was to let Jimmy Kimmel know that he woke up before Thursday, that he is still moving, and that the “party boys are in the building.” So suck on that Kimmel!!
This interview left me with even more questions, like, why the hell does this idiot have two cell phones? Who carries two cell phones with them? And how the hell do BOTH of his cell phones die? How much ecstasy did he sell that night? Oh, and how could this idiot possibly survive a FIVE HOUR walk home? That’s like 15 miles!!
The most amazing part about this whole interview is the crew he roles with. It’s like a collection of the biggest stars of Catfish. Every single person he hangs out with will die before the age of 45. You know your rap career isn’t going well when the girls in your videos are these hippopotamuses:
Good thing that girl is doing some stretches, because she’s probably about to go to another crossfit session. Don’t want her to pull a muscle.
In all seriousness though, could there possibly be a better background setting than this? He appears to get into his house using a chicken coop ramp. It appears to be late afternoon and for whatever reason there are a bunch of people standing around holding bottles of liquor. And the highlight of the interview obviously occurred when he used the bottle of liquor as a telephone:
Oh yea, and no aspiring rapper would be complete with a posse that includes a 400 pound man with a “FATMAN” shirt. I mean, could this guy have possibly worn a more appropriate shirt? It’s just so perfect.
Either way I pray that this is not the last we hear from either of these guys. I want more interviews and I want them now.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.