I saw this picture today, from the Assabet Valley Vocational High School graduation:
Michael Woods, if you are reading this, you are the greatest man who ever lived. I love everything you stand for, because I am 100% opposed to high school graduations. They are a HUGE waste of time and have no reason to exist, other than to stroke the ego of the valedictorian and class president so he or she can force a captive audience to listen to them give a cliche speech about how much they’ve all changed since freshmen year.
Seriously though, why do we have graduations? Why are we celebrating something you’re SUPPOSED to do? It literally took no effort whatsoever to graduate from high school. Anyone who can’t get a bunch of 50’s on tests and quizzes and pass in the occasional homework assignment should be laughed at. That’s what we should have instead of graduations. We should bring all the lackeys up onto the stage and read a list of grievances about how much they’ve disapointed us all. Shame them into getting their shit together.
But instead of this awesome idea, we have these meaningless ceremonies where we celebrate something you’re POSE-a-DO in the most boring way possible.
One of my biggest regrets in life is going to my high school graduation. In hindsight, I want those three hours of my life back. I could’ve been on AOL asking strange girls from Millbury their “asl” and asking if they had “n e pics” or wanted to meet me at the Palladium on Sunday.
That is why Michael Woods is my hero. Because he is wise beyond his years and realized that taking a nap during this useless ceremony is a much more productive use of your time then sitting there and being miserable.