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A couple years ago some little shit-puke from Texas named Ethan Couch stole a bunch of beer from a Walmart, got really drunk, and ended up killing four people on the highway.
Hollie Boyles and her daughter Shelby left their home to help Breanna Mitchell, whose SUV had broken down by the side of a road. Brian Jennings, a youth pastor, was driving past and also stopped to help. Couch plowed into them, killing them all. The crash threw two passengers out of the bed of Couch’s truck, injuring both severely.
The parents of one of the injured teens, who suffered debilitating brain injuries, sued Couch’s family for $2 million. Three hours after the crash, tests showed that Couch had a blood-alcohol content of 0.24, three times the legal limit. Couch’s vehicle also struck a parked car, which then slid into another vehicle headed in the opposite direction.
Somehow he ended up getting away with this horrific crime because of something called “afluenza” which is a bullshit, made up disorder where rich kids with shitty parents don’t understand consequences. Because apparently only poor people understand that it’s wrong to rob a Walmart and kill four people.
But because we didn’t want to see another rich kid caught up in the “country club to prison pipeline,” he only received 10 years probation. This meant no more boozing or partying for Mr. Couch, lest it trigger his afluenza. But the thing with having afluenza is, you don’t even realize when you’re breaking the law. Which is why no one was surprised when he violated probation last week after one of his moron friends put images of him playing beerpong on snapchat:
Oops!! Just a reminder that this is why he was on probation:
So basically he’s fucked now and he’s gonna go to jail like he should’ve a long time ago. The problem is, no one can find him. Not to worry says the local county sheriff though:
“You can run, but you’re always going to be looking over your shoulder,” Tarrant County Sheriff Dee Anderson said Thursday. “We’re not going to give up. We’re going to come after you. We’re going to find you, wherever you are.”
Newsflash – this kid ain’t in America anymore. His Mom is missing too and she’s probably with him, which is shocking, since he has been diagnosed with having enabling, asshole parents who have turned him into human garbage, through no fault of his own.
And please, don’t give me the white privilege nonsense. This is a problem with the American culture where nothing is ever anyone’s fault. If you grow up in a bad neighborhood, it’s not your fault if you’re a drug dealer. If you’re raised in a subculture that glorifies violence and crime, it’s not your fault if you punch the Vice Principal in the face at North High. And if you’re a rich kid whose parents don’t hold you accountable for shitty behavior, it’s not your fault if you kill four people.
Here’s hoping they find this little turdlinger and him and his enabling sperm receptacle of a mother both go to jail. At least his afluenza will give him some street cred in the can.
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