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This is one of the wildest stories we’ve ever heard:

A Grant Street woman who allegedly kicked, cursed and punched police after a birthday party for a 1-year-old girl was released without bail after her arraignment this week in Taunton District Court. Brittany Wetherell, 26, is being charged with three counts of assault and battery on a police officer, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest in connection to the incident that took place late last Saturday night. Police say they at one point resorted to using a Taser gun to try bringing Wetherell under control, but that she quickly resumed kicking and cursing.

A resident of 66 Davis St. called police at around 11:00 p.m. to ask for help in removing an unwanted guest. A man living in the single-story house told police the celebration for his baby daughter had turned out to be “the worst birthday ever” because of Wetherell.

Wait, wait, wait. Timeout. Only in Taunton would they be having a birthday party for a one year old…..at 11 PM!!!

The girl’s granddaughter, police said, added that she didn’t personally know Wetherell all that well — but that the Taunton woman was drunk, belligerent, cursing and causing problems with people who were inside trying to enjoy the birthday party.

This woman right here?

Nah, I can’t picture her being drunk, belligerent, and cursing at random people at a 1 year old’s birthday party. Way too sophisticated for that. 

Patrolman Brendan Canary, in his report, says from the time he arrived at the driveway of the house until he cleared the scene, an obviously intoxicated Wetherell was combative, profane and abusive toward him and Patrolman Kevin Viveiros. Canary at one point decided to place Wetherell in protective custody, as opposed to arresting her, so that she could safely sober up in a holding cell. This came after Wetherell allegedly said she didn’t have a driver’s license, would not be interested in taking a taxi and declined an offer by Viveiros — to give her a ride to headquarters where she could call someone she knows for transportation home.

After stating that she would walk home, police said the situation took a turn for the worse when Wetherell resisted the officers’ attempt to take her arms and guide her to a police cruiser. Police say after Wetherell’s shirt ripped as she pulled away from Canary, she took a few steps out of the garage onto the driveway, and ripped away what was left of her shirt, so that she was standing in the rain with just a bra covering her upper body.

So she swore at some cops and refused to go to the drunk tank? So what? Shit happens at Taunton birthday parties. Maybe she just wanted to go dancing in the rain in her bra. Sometimes you just have to “ignite the night!!!”

Canary, in his report, notes the 5-foot-8-inch Wetherell was physically formidable, outweighed both officers, balled her fists and assumed a defensive stance. That fact, combined with the slick, muddy conditions of the sidewalk and grass, made it more of a challenge to bring her under control, police said. Wetherell and Viveiros, after the latter tried again grabbing her arm, ended up tumbling “down the hill” of the driveway. “She was covered in mud and wet. It was very difficult to get a secure grip … and she used this and her size to her advantage,” Canary said. 

Ahh yes, another “unarmed” civilian exercising their constitutional right to assault police officers before being placed under arrest. And of course she outweighs the cops too. Does this look like the face of a drunk chick that you’d want to wrestle with at a 1 year old’s birthday party?

Thanks, but I’ll pass. 

Canary said Viveiros warned Wetherell he would tase her — after she continued tucking her arms under her stomach as she rolled around on the ground, during which she allegedly kicked both officers and tried punching them. “I don’t care,” she allegedly said as she looked straight at the red-dot laser light of the Taser gun. Police said the Taser slowed Wetherell down but didn’t stop her from cursing and “cussing.”

Think this chick gives a shit if you tase her?

Nope. Hope you brought your elephant tranquilizers with you, because you’re gonna need it to bring Brittany Wetherell down. Sure, the tasers slowed her down, but it will never slow down her magical potty mouth. 

And when a man inside the house came out with a shirt to cover her torn bra, police said Wetherell, who was slightly exposed, accused them of staring at her breasts and claimed that they tried grabbing her in a sexual manner.

HAHAHHAHAHA!! Because when I see this:

All I can think about is sex. But wait, it gets better….

She allegedly “mule kicked” Viveiros “numerous times” before being placed into a patrol car and then kicked the car’s bars and windows. During the ride back to headquarters, Wetherell allegedly called Canary the N-word, “little boy” and another epithet referring to a woman. She also, police said, threatened to “call my friends and get them after you.” After being booked and while being led to a holding cell, an “enraged” Wetherell spun around and punched Officer Andrew Pacino just above his left eye.

Back in the good ol’ days you just shot people like this in the leg. But now that we have a nationwide movement to give more rights to criminals, cops have to get mule kicked a bunch of times, punched in the face, and get threatened with having Taunton wangstas come after their families. It’s become part of the job. Ya know, because black lives matter. And so does whatever race this psycho chick belongs to. 

According to a Facebook post after she was released from jail, Brittany “Horta” Wetherell doesn’t want to hear your opinion about her birthday crashing bender unless you have something positive to say. After all, God works in mysterious ways:

And just so she is abundantly clear, 

Strong point.

Strong. 

Her friends seem to agree – this could happen to anyone:

Yea, no one is perfect. We all do things we regret later on. Some of us forget to put down the toilet seat and get yelled at by Mrs. Turtleboy, others crash 1 year old’s birthday parties, strip down to a bra in the rain, and mule kick a cop in the face. It’s cool though because she tells jokes when she’s at her job at Cumby’s:

Yea, she was nice to you one time when you bought a gallon of milk. Therefore it’s not a big deal that she hit a few cops and acted like an all-star ratchet in historic fashion. 

Well, actually the Taunton Gazette was just reporting on what was in the police report. So it was her actions that made her sound “like she’s a monster.” But thanks for clarifying that she was bailed out, rather than released. Because that makes all the difference in the world. 

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