So there’s a guy from Leominster named Tony Serrafini, but he’s more popularly known as “BottleRocket” on Youtube and Vine. He’s what the kids these days call “Vine famous.” For you old fogies out there, Vine is an app that allows you to watch six second clips without having to having to go through the labor of clicking play and waiting for it to buffer. The videos play over and over again. Basically it caters to today’s generation who not only can’t read an entire book, but can’t watch a video for more than six seconds without getting distracted.
Well BottleRocket’s Vine’s are pretty hilarious. Here’s the link if you wanna check it out: https://vine.co/Bottlerocket. He’s got over 320,000 followers, which qualifies as Vine famous. But he’s about to get a lot more after a Youtube video of his compilations of three consecutive months of Saturday mornings in his house made the front page of Reddit today. Making the front page of Reddit is one of the hardest things to do on the internet. I go on there a lot, and I still have no idea how it works. But if you make the front page you’ve pretty much accomplished all of your life dreams. Someday TurtleBoy Sports will make it there too. Some day. Today is not that day though.
Here’s the video…
That man right there needs a son. If I ever have girls I will only be exposing them to The Beatles and Michael Jackson. At least my Saturday mornings will be enjoyable then. The frustration in that man’s eyes simply cannot be recreated. The best part about his vines is that his kids are in on it. I want smart, witty kids like that who get it. They understand how hilarious their Dad’s satire is and they look like they can’t be older than 7 or 8. Unfortunately for society, they are much smarter than millions of American adults who figured out how to use the internet.
Either way we can all agree this is a hilarious little interaction between a father who obviously loves his kids, and his happy daughters who obviously enjoy having a Vine famous, hilarious father, right? Right??? Oh way, you mean people out there are ANGRY about this? In America?? No way!!!
Check out what some of these geniuses out there find so offensive about this:
Well Amy just sounds like a bucket of fun doesn’t she? Yea Dad, why don’t you talk to your kid instead of perpetually ignoring them? Obviously we can tell you never, ever talk to your kids based on a series of six second clips compiled over three months. You should post more serious Facebook statuses, like Amy does:
Mary brings up a good point. Sure Bottlerocket is raising happy children who obviously love him. But what about the furniture!!!??? Did you ever think about that TONY!!??? That’s ridiculous!!! You can never have fun with your kids and allow them to playfully poke your forehead with a barbie doll, or else they’ll think you can have fun in life. Kids should be well behaved at all times, and only a face like this is capable of good parenting:
This lady right here is REALLY pissed…
Yea Dad, you missed out on SIX valuable seconds in which you could’ve been making memories with your daughter!! Don’t you realize what could’ve happened in those six seconds?? She could’ve told you about her wedding which she already has planned out and you’ll be paying for. Why can’t you be more like Beverly’s dad and play barbies with her? Sure, the rest of the world realizes that Tony IS humoring his daughter in this video, and the little girls in it will have the benefit of growing up with a hilarious father, but Beverly’s Dad rode bikes with her for six seconds every Saturday morning. That’s not something you can do by becoming Vine famous!! Maybe if you got off your butt and played with your kids they’ll grow up to be as happy as Beverly here:
Then there was this winner:
He remembers the day when dads used the belt? Did this guy teleport here from 1765? I didn’t know they wore hipster glasses back then.
Or how about this guy?
Yea, listen to the guy who uses a profile picture that appears to be Forrest Gump having an orgasm.
Some people apparently think this is exploitation?
Yea, because those obviously very happy and healthy children clearly feel exploited. I mean, what normal person watches that video and DOESN’T think “child exploitation.” He may as well have these kids working in a sweat shop. As a matter of fact, let’s send the FBI to his house right now. I bet he’s got an international textile ring from his basement in Leominster.
Emily wasn’t done though:
Yea, Emily obviously knows a lot about having kids. Because anyone who has kids knows that you listen to every nonsensical word that comes out of their mouth. No good parent ever just nods their head and says, “Yup,” “OK,” or “Ask your Mom.” That’s basically child abuse. Everyone knows that once you have kids you are no longer allowed to go on the internet while they’re awake. Ever. Especially not for six seconds a week every Saturday. Or else you might completely screw up their learning and social skills!!!
So what will come of these poor children if their Dad doesn’t get his act together? Here’s a rational thought:
One minute you’re making six second Vine videos on Saturday mornings. The next minute your daughter is a strung out prostitute. It’s the story that unfortunately always repeats itself. Circle of life. If only he had gotten off his fat ass and played tea party with her, maybe then he wouldn’t be condemning her to a life of night walking on the mean streets of Fitchburg. My favorite part of this comment was when he said, “Unless, of course, this was a joke and not representative of his true relationship with her.” You can see his thought process changing mid post. He’s so confused why someone would make a video of a grown man who has to live in a loud house with little girls. Because who would find that funny? He’s thinking to himself, “Wait a minute, if this guy is doing this as a form of satire and expression of love for his daughters, then I’m gonna look like a real bozo.” Then he inexplicably hit “post” anyway.
Some people think this guy isn’t a real Dad:
The Grand Champion of the night though was a gentlemen named John Gianni Altier. He wears a cowboy hat, and he is baffled as to why people think this guy’s videos are so God damn funny!!! Before you read what he wrote, beware that this is the man you are dealing with:
Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
This guy is just too priceless, he really is. He’s just so angry about a joke that he clearly doesn’t get. Obviously normal people watch that video and realize that he was rolling his eyes because he was making light of a situation that millions of parents can relate to. John kind of missed that one though, and it PISSED HIM OFF!! Sure he could’ve asked a regular human being what made the video funny, but that would require thinking first instead of reacting first. And on the internet you ALWAYS react first.
Bottlerocket should’ve been a good Dad and made strange and embarrassing t-shirts with his son on the front, like our boy John did here:
Well, at least I hope that’s his son. He seems to have a lot of advice about parenting, particularly about paying attention to your kids 24/7. So unless he makes t-shirts of random 16 year old boys, I am assuming this is his son? What kid wouldn’t want their parent to do that?
So what does he think people like about this video? Because if the Dad isn’t making this video to make light of these priceless moments in parenting, then doesn’t that mean he’s making it to show the world how much he hates his kids? I mean, that would be the only possibly alternative right? So John apparently thinks millions of people like this video because we just enjoy watching a father slowly seep into depression before driving his family off a cliff? Makes sense. And just think – John’s vote counts just as much as your’s does!! The scary part is, this is what he wants to do with his vote:
He wasn’t done though…
Yup, he literally didn’t move out of that chair for three whole months. Just sat there and festooned in his own filth. Had his meals brought to him, wore a diaper, and forced his kids to give him a weekly sponge bath. Wouldn’t you be pissed too? (no pun intended)
Well these people don’t think Bottlerocket’s very funny, but I do. Apparently these nudniks didn’t see the hilarious vines he made about “Stranger Danger”:
or the one where his wife pulled an April Fool’s prank and told him she was pregnant…
or his weekly segment “the guy who loves life”
or his daughter’s trip to CVS with him
or how he sounds EXACTLY like Mark Wahlberg
or when his daughter glues her lips together
or when he makes a music video with his daughters
or when he spends some quality time making them shovel ice
or when him and his daughter talk about the dangers of the internet
or when he does Lil John’s taxes
Who am I kidding, America is filled with nudniks who would find all of those offensive. I’ll keep enjoying them until these idiots make these videos come down.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.