Hoodrat Heroes

Lesbo Ware River Rat Busted Several Times For Heroin Is Somehow Pregnant With A Baby Boy From The Turkey Baster Fairy

Lesbo Ware River Rat Busted Several Times For Heroin Is Somehow Pregnant With A Baby Boy From The Turkey Baster Fairy

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Kristen Dubuque is a local Ware resident who is not only a junky with a mile long rap sheet spanning the course of one year (give or take), but now she is expecting a child with her junky of a lesbian lover- which lets face it was either via a turkey baster or a guy actually agreed to impregnate her with no strings attached.

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If junkies wanna be be junkies, then go for it. But we draw the line when they bring an innocent child into this world addicted to heroin and suffering withdrawal. There’s nothing more painful to see than a newborn baby suffering from withdrawal. So the purpose for us writing about this chick is to urge the authorities to step in and do something, and hopefully remove this child from her care if the baby makes it to full term.

In December 2014, she was busted in a heroin drug bust in, where else – WARE!!

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No, these are not extras in the Walking Dead. These are actual human beings who live in Ware and Gilbertville. And as you can imagine property value is on the rise!!

Kristen is the chick in the top right hand corner. Her lover, Joanna Valardi, is the woman in the bottom left hand corner who appears to be trying out for the Ukranian shot put team. Scissor me timbers!!

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Then in July the Turtlegram and Gazette came out with possibly the most Ware headline possible:

Sturbridge police say Ware woman arrived with child to buy drugs

Because sometimes when you’re looking to conduct a drug deal and you can’t find a sitter you have to multi-task. It’s not easy being a deadbeat single mother from Ware.

So here’s what happened. Valardi and Dubuque were in a Chevy Lumina on Main Street. Police stopped themrandom check of the car’s status and stopped the occupants on Charlton Road. Both chicks lied about their names. Police found an envelope with heroin under the rear passenger seat, and the ratchet’s purse, the knife and some suboxone tablets, five of which were wrapped in paper with dollar amounts next to people’s names, and a whole bunch of clonazepam and methadone tablets.

Next thing you know the shot put champion’s phone starts to blow up with calls and text messages about buying drugs. A message from “Tammy Jo” talked about making a buy for $140. Kristen had also texted one of her buyers earlier in the day to let her know that she had the good shit. That’s when the cops took her phone, pretended to be her, and wrote her a text to meet her at McDonald’s. Naturally the junkie showed up with $140 on her lap in broad daylight with a baby sleeping in the back seat.

Meeting in the McDonald’s parking lot with your love child to buy heroin might be the most Ware move of all time. And have these people ever conducted a heroin transaction before? I know very little about drug dealing, but I have watched all five seasons of The Wire several times. And rule #1 is you don’t conduct business on the phone. You especially don’t use text messages, and whatever you do, don’t use real names or use the words “heroin” and/or “good stuff.” Come on now, act like you’ve been there before.

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But wait, it gets better.

The next day was their arraignment and in the the least shocking turn of events ever, they didn’t show up. Well, naturally the cops tracked them down in Gilbertville. Because if the cops are looking for two junkies on the run, the first place they’re gonna look is Gilbertville.



It’s a ratchet magnet.

The caught Kristen pretty quickly:

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But her boo tried pulling a Richard Kimball. Except instead of trying to find out who really sold the heroin in the McDonald’s parking lot, she ran into the Ware River:

Police Chief James Ayotte said he and Lt. Kevin Landine saw the women and knew they were wanted on default warrants. He said Ms. Valardi also eluded police on Monday when Detective Robert Toupin attempted to stop the car she was driving because she allegedly is unlicensed. When police approached the women on Main Street in the Gilbertville section of Hardwick Friday, they allegedly ran and a large manhunt ensued. State police, some with trained dogs, searched the area around Joslyn Road after police apprehended Ms. Dubuque, but Ms. Valardi ran off. A soaking wet Ms. Valardi was apprehended a short time later on Church Street in Ware. Police believe she went into the Ware River to escape capture.

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And now these two are having a child together.

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If there is any justice in this world then this child will immediately be taken from her if he miraculously makes it that far. Not exactly sure how this works, but considering how many babies seem to be dying when these idiots bring them into the world, you would think we could start taking more proactive steps in order to protect their lives. Plus, it appears by looking at her Facebook page that somehow this woman seems to already have young children who she may or may not have custody over.



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34 Comment(s)
  • Sam
    March 1, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    She’s the typical Ware scum, she’s been a POS for years. I moved out of that effing town 7 years ago and will never go back. She’s living it up being on section 8 food stamps, totally scamming the system like they all do out there. As long as she gets her hard earned government hand outs she dont give a rats a$$ about her kids.

  • Jodie Foster's Knuckle
    February 27, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    I weep for the present.

  • Barack Obama
    February 27, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    its the baby Jesus

  • Nutsy Fagin
    February 27, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    Are we sure that’s a human baby in there? It looks like a raccoon

    • The Mayor of Ware
      February 27, 2017 at 7:37 pm

      Holy shit, it IS a raccoon!

  • Mark
    February 27, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Ware is a troubled town to be sure but acting as if worcester that den of slimy prostitutes and gangs of thugs roaming around is far better that’s bullshit. You have serial killers roaming your hometown streets turtle boy with junkies and scumbags ranked as your model citizens. Cops sleeping in cruisers if it wasn’t for medical facilities the town would be plowed under and made into a hog farm.

  • XYZAffair
    February 27, 2017 at 11:21 am

    Good job on calling her a lesbo!

  • Wabbitt
    February 27, 2017 at 11:11 am

    The bottom left is a woman? I’m not entirely convinced. Quote Austin Powers – “Thsts a MAN, baby!”

    • WhatsEatingGilbertville
      February 27, 2017 at 11:49 am

      The woman on bottom left mugshot (Michael Phelps wannabe who went for a swim in the mighty Ware river) is part of the Valardi family. The Valardis run a business providing swimming lessons to kids in the area. I think she is the daughter of the owner. I am not trying to besmear the Valardis, who run a great business, just pointing out the irony!

  • WhatsEatingGilbertville
    February 27, 2017 at 9:34 am

    Very sad. I grew up out there (Gilbertville) and am ashamed looking at what it has become. Of course it was never the ‘land of milk and honey’, but it was filled with good, hard-working, salt of the earth type people. Unfortunately, the work left, many good people left, and it was backfilled with blight who were looking for nothing but cheap rent (mostly from Ware/Warren if memory serves). So doing the calculus on this: Govt assistance + no work + cheap housing + nothing to do in the general area = surplus of income and time. For some reason, these geniuses decide to dedicate their excess time, income and effort into securing class A substances instead of improving their situations. I just dont get it, and probably never will. Great job TB (as always). Just know there are still lots of great people in the area!

    • Wayne Ramsey
      February 28, 2017 at 7:17 am

      I grew up in Ware. Back 40 years ago the biggest problem we had was a few Dads driving home drunk beating the shit out of their wives. But Main Street was alive with A&P plus National Grocery stores, three shoes stores, two hardware places, Eddie Belchers Record Shop, a couple dress shops, Grants, the Five & Dime and who could forget the Fruit Store. Many run by Polish and Jewish immigrants. The poor were relegated to Otis Ave and Vigeant St. but didn’t know they were poor. We didn’t lock our houses.

      Only fools go to Ware today not carrying concealed. There are good people left but this is what 40 years of Liberalism has given us. Easy Judges, no respect for the Law and EBT for everyone. We should pack gutter muppets like this up on a plane and send them one way to Venezuela, paying that country $50K each to take away our troubles. They need the cash, we don’t need addicts.

      Let it rot.

    • Mallory
      August 29, 2017 at 7:13 pm

      I thankfully not from there. But, why does everyone have to bring food stamps into these kinds of things? It makes detcent single, working mothers like me who actually needs the little bit of help I get look like these scum here and I do not want myself or my baby affiliated with them. Maybe this is something people can think about next time they bring up losers being on food stamps.. Just saying

  • Stephanie
    February 27, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Heyy. I i love you website. I shared this post and u should check out all the drama the ensued from it!!! Haha love you turtle boy!!

    • Jessica Lynn
      February 27, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      What’s your fb name? I’d love to grab my popcorn and read the comments, lol.

  • Clair
    February 27, 2017 at 6:07 am

    She is pregnant with a 15 year old boys baby

      February 27, 2017 at 7:44 am

      Yo man, I woke up today cryin again. MOTHERFUCKER!!! Anyway, dat story kinda splooged in my dreams. It’s the story of my moms life and that baby. that babys me yo. Y’all feel sorry for the baby when he’s a baby and shit but when hes a grownass muthafucka playa like me then y’all lose your shit. MOTHERFUCKERS dat aint right. Have some respect have some sympathy have some courtesy. Or I’ll lay your ass to waste!

      • Barack Obama
        February 27, 2017 at 7:26 pm

        fuk dat yo dat y’all see whatz good. thas right!

    • The Mayor of Ware
      February 27, 2017 at 7:32 pm

      In Ware, who isn’t?

  • Kerri Bishop
    February 27, 2017 at 1:10 am

    That ultrasound is dated September of 2016.

    • Jay M
      February 27, 2017 at 11:52 am

      See how it says LMP right before that date? That stands for last menstrual period. That’s what is used to date the pregnancy. So she is definitely pregnant now. She would be due sometime in June. I’m a Sonographer.

  • Craig Mitchell
    February 26, 2017 at 11:36 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:21 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:21 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:20 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:17 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:17 pm


  • Brian Albrecht(the real one)
    February 26, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    that junkie dyke looks like she is frm worcester or fitchburg or some blantantly homosexual part of the country like that. for real though none of yall want to fuck wiht me. I’M THE ONLY NIGGA WHO ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WHERE HE SAID HE WOUDL BE. ANYONE WANNA FUCKING TRY ME AGAIN? DIDNT think so you fucking launching pads. Who wants to lose some fucking teeth?

    • Barack Obama
      February 27, 2017 at 7:24 pm

      hahaha shut up

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