This a little embarrassing, but in all fairness, if I am going to share my triumphs with you all, I should share my blunders as well. I usually pride myself in my unwavering skepticism, but it, well, wavered. So, let me tell you about my weekend. In between sifting through hundreds of super disturbing photos and screenshots proving Kaylin Fayne to be extremely sketchy in her handling of God’s living creatures, I came across this post:
My interest was obviously peaked because:
- If someone stole my dog I would freak out and go full Liam Neeson until I got him back.
2. I was investigating a suspected dog flipper out of Connecticut, the dog was reportedly stolen out of a park in Connecticut, and I couldn’t figure out where she was getting all the dogs. (The two are not related after all).
3. Turtleboy is the protector of dogs.
So I decided to contact the OP, and that’s where things got….weird. I probably should have paid more attention to the red flags thrown from the get-go, but it was a pupper, so my emotions got the best of me for a moment. Lesson learned.
RED FLAG #1 – The OP’s Facebook profile.
She went by “Pryncess Love.” That is the regal title of a trap queen, non negotiable. This should have immediately slowed my roll, but…. I rock a little inner ratchet myself, and besides, dogs don’t discriminate. They don’t care if you look like you give bargain handies in the back bedroom of your section 8 hovel in between swigs of Hennessy and only dates dudes who go by one letter nicknames like “Z” or “J” and wear flat brimmed Bulls caps with stained wife beaters and 7-day-detox-stay Adidas track pants.
But maybe that’s why they need Turtleboy to protect them?
RED FLAG #2: She was able to get the license plate and make/model of the car, but the Police hadn’t done anything.
In fact, she made it so easy to ID the thief, in hindsight it is 110% implausible the cops wouldn’t do anything “because of his breed”. Theft is theft, and property is property. She was even able to easily ID the woman she alleged stole her dog out of a public park as this hog o’ cheese:
Whose Facebook page did not do her any favors in diffusing suspicion upon first inspection – because she is selling errr-ythang, and desperately.
I mean, really. Never trust someone from West Warwick, or anywhere in Rhode Island for that matter, who wants to sell you an Iphone AND a kitchen table in the same week. Those are the rules, I don’t make them. Especially if they are desperately dropping the price of a nearly brand-new high-end electronic they simply “bought” and “don’t need anymore”.
If I can deduce she fits the bill for someone who may sell a dog for profit, surely the cops would too? I mean, she sure seems to do some shady shit for cash.
But despite this, the new owner of the dog stepped forward, admitted to buying the dog off Craigslist for $100 from this chick, and offered to return the dog to Pryncess Newport, so I offered to drive the doggo from Rhode Island to Connecticut to reunite with his owner, because I would want the same done for me. Simple, right?
Wrong. Because as the time came for the pickup to happen, all of a sudden, the new owner backed out.
Now, not that I deserve much of a defense here, because my eagerness to help out was stupid as fuck, but let’s remember that up to this point, all I am aware of is that this dog was supposedly stolen over the weekend of March 26th, the woman identified as the thief is two tons of sketchy ghettopig, and the man currently in possession of the dog acknowledges it is the same dog and was purchased from this broad for less than the cost of a television off Craigslist. I’m being told by the original owner the dog is microchipped, registered and licensed to her. Case closed.
So when he abruptly backs out on returning the dog, alarm bells start ringing for me. It makes no sense – why would he step forward only to suddenly change his mind and not return the dog? He wasn’t asking for money. So I start to wonder if the dog is in danger, and urge the owner to send me over the dog license and chip information so I can go to the police and ask for assistance in retrieving the dog, to drive him 2.5 hours away, at my own expense, to reunite him with the family who hasn’t seen him in nearly a week, or so I was told.
I still don’t know what exactly happened here because there are way too many gaps in the story, but I have come to the solid conclusion he wasn’t in any danger. Not from his new owners.
I end up finding an expired dog license, and an impound sheet from 2017. Turns out Bronx was abandoned in an apartment in October 2017, and retrieved from impound 2 days later. When I questioned her about this, she said she was returning to the apartment to feed him and let him out – but that’s looking pretty dubious at this point. Because she said a lot of shit that turned out to be plainly untrue. For instance, that she contacted the police and reported Bronx stolen.
Then there’s the reason the new owner was refusing to return the dog. Turns out he was asking for the microchip number to match up with the number they had gotten from the vet, because he got a bad vibe from the fact that this broad started getting evasive about every single question they asked. And the vet had run him over $1500 by this point, because he got the dog in pretty bad shape, as if he had been abused and neglected, with patches on his fur, trauma to his tail, malnourished, and some seriously poorly cropped ears.
All this damage this poor pup suffered in just in 4 days separated from his owner? Well, no – because the biggest lie here is how long the dog had been out of her care. She says Bronx was stolen that weekend in her post, but David bought the dog in January, a full 2 months prior to Pryncess Foodstamps claiming he was “stolen”.
And the dog was last registered in New York, where this chick is allegedly originally from. I don’t even know if she is the same woman listed on the expired license at this point, none of this makes sense. But if you’ll remember, Randye also lists herself as originating from New York.
Weird. But at the end of the day, David has the vet bills, and all the receipts to back up what he’s saying, the hoodratchet does not. I should have checked this out before spending an entire Saturday running around trying to get this dog from him.
So thankfully the dog hasn’t changed hands, but more keeps coming out that makes me into a huge asshole who should’ve stopped and thought about this before volunteering to transport a strange dog across state lines for a stranger who takes dog filtered selfies in Nike gear. This goes against everything I preach and for that I am sorry – it was a momentary lapse in judgement prompted by kindness – it will never happen again.
Threatening the guy with the dog online instead of just, I don’t know, contacting the police herself didn’t help much to make her look great, either.
The cincher had to be, of course, the $5,000 GoFundMe that popped up by the end of the day on Saturday.
Well, fuck me. Guilty, your honor. I’m a fucking moron.
At least the dog appears to be in a good home now, anyway.
If me feeling like the stupidest piece of shit on the internet while nursing a stress migraine is the worst outcome that happens, I’d call it a pretty good day. I’ve learned my lesson from hereon out – never trust a chick who starts substituting vowels in her alias, it won’t end well, no matter how solid her side of the story may initially appear. And at least when you hit the “donate” button you know that you’re supporting my stupid albeit well-meaning ass going around trying to help strangers at a major inconvenience to myself – I’ll just check with you guys first next time.