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Every year around this time we publish our annual “fuck the sharks blog” in response to the pro-shark morons. I view sharks the same way I view coyotes. They can live anywhere they want and be themselves, but if they come close to us they die. End of story. The ocean is big. Sharks can live anywhere in it. If they choose to come to Cape Cod they’re just being assholes. We got dibs on Cape Cod. It’s bad enough there are junkies all over Cape Cod trying to kill people. Our only refuge is the water, and it must be shark free.
Unfortunately it’s not because of these useless animals….
Allowing seals to swim in our beach areas is like dumping trash on your front lawn and acting surprised when a bear shows up. They can go up to Nova Scotia where no one lives and no one swims. Or Maine. Nothing matters in Maine. But Massachusetts is a real state with real beaches and people who want to swim. And these animals only exist for one purpose – to be shark bait. Get rid of the seals and you will get rid of the sharks.
But of course the nature patrol will tell us we can’t do that. Even though we won the Darwinism sweepstakes they will tell you that this is “their home.” Wrong. Does a pack of coyotes come across a fox den and say, “we can’t live here because it belongs to a fox family?” Nope. They eat the foxes and then it becomes their home. That’s how nature works. We are the best, we are most fit to survive, we get first dibs on the best beaches.
This week in Truro a dude got bit by a shark:
#TRURO SHARK BITE#
What we KNOW from sources:
– Surfer bit in the hip
– Happened at Longnook Beach
– Serious puncture wounds, lots of "clotting agents needed"
– Victim taken to Boston hospital by MedFlight
What we DON'T know
– What kind of a shark
– How far out the surfer was pic.twitter.com/wLhTQGu8MQ
— David Wade (@davidwade) August 15, 2018
That’s it. That’s all I need to hear. Kill them all. We should have people on helicopters patrolling the waters shooting sharks with machine guns. They’ll get the message and move on. Then we tell the seals that they need to pack up and leave or they can get some too. There are no squatter’s rights or eviction process like New England ratchets gets either. It’s leave right now or die. Whatever they prefer.
Then in PTown this happened on Thursday….
I don’t know who the woman is filming that, but based on her commentary there’s a 99.9% chance she was holding a Dunkin Donuts medium iced coffee with a turbo shot while recording.
That stupid seal wanted to play near the humans and brought a shark to the neighborhood who devoured him. We have towns in this state who won’t let you open weed shops because of the crowd they think it will bring, but they have no problems with allowing seals to open up shop here despite the crowd that they bring. Makes sense.
This happened like 20 feet from shore in water that probably isn’t even above your head. Once again, that’s our property. The sharks and seals can go play in mile deep water in international waters. If they choose to do that here they both die.
Of course it always ends up with comments like this….
“This is nature. We live in their habitat.”
Wrong. They live in our habitat. Time to leave.
Then there’s this….
Paid off? There’s 15 foot man eaters looking for lunch around small children trying to cool off on a hot summer day. I cannot wait until this chick gets eaten by a shark.
The bottom line is sharks are cool, and I don’t mind that they exist in nature. But they just need to stay in the wilderness and do their own thing while we do our own thing. Failure to follow these rules will result in extermination. We make the rules because we’re #1.