Lincoln Doggie Diddler Arrested for Taking His Pooch to Poundtown

Now that has shut down, it’s gotten really hard for the less than desirable ones among to get some action. Some people turn to dating sites like Plenty of Fish or Others turn to hookup apps like Tinder or Grindr (I’m a fan of equality). Still others turn to their faithful pets for relief…

Just when you thought you’d heard everything…


From WJAR 10:


“A Lincoln man has been arrested following an investigation into the sexual abuse of a dog.

Michael L. Woodhead, 38, was charged with abominable and detestable crime against nature and unnecessary cruelty to animals, announced the Lincoln Police Department and the Rhode Island Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.”


Gross. I’m not a fan of THAT sort of equality. Kill it, with fire.


Michael Brain Dead Woodhead must be one lonely guy. Sure, it gets boring beating your own baloney baton, but I can’t imagine the decision making process involved in this one.


Side note, why is one of the chargers called “unnecessary cruelty to animals?” is there such a thing as necessary cruelty? Anyway, back to the doggy diddler.

……“Investigators from both organizations began to investigate Woodhead after receiving a complaint in February of a sexually abused dog that was owned by the suspect.”

 According to the release, investigators made “disturbing observations” while at the residence and removed a female dog belonging to Woodhead.”


Well, at least the conservative Christians can be happy that it was heterosexual hound humping, right?

As far as I can tell, this guy has no social media presence. Maybe he pulled a dirty delete as soon as he was released from jail. I found some family members, but nary a mention nor a picture of Mike the Mutt Molester. Apparently, if you want to get out of Thanksgiving dinner, all you have to do is boink a beagle. Or maybe desecrate a dachshund? Get raunchy with a rotty?


While Canine Casanova doesn’t have a Facebook page, he does have a couple of cases on his resume. Two in particular caught my eye. In July of 2007, Michael was arrested and charged with one count of indecent solicitation of a child and one count of disorderly conduct.


So he’s clearly a great guy.



The case was moved to Providence Superior Court and the following November, the indecent solicitation charge was amended to a second count of disorderly conduct. He then pleaded no contest to both charges. Sounds like a plea deal to me, but without the details of the case, that’s only a guess. Also note that as part of the sentence, a no contact order was entered and the defendant was ordered to enter a mental health program.


So what happened? Did Labrador Lover’s close call with becoming a registered sex offender force him to seek alternate forms of “relief?” That’s pure speculation on my part, but I think it’s clear that whatever mental health program he entered didn’t work very well.


This part was kind of disturbing as well….

“Investigators executed a search warrant at Woodhead’s residence on Feb. 26 to seize any animals, said a joint release by police and the RISPCA.”

Now, I’m no expert and we’re also pro-law enforcement at Turtleboy, but why did it take 4 months to make an arrest? It seems like a pretty open and shut case. I found the date of the search warrant interesting, though, because as I was looking at his criminal record, I came across this civil suit filed by the pooch pounder against the RISPCA:



Less than two weeks after the search warrant was executed and his dog was removed, he filed a civil suit. Could it really be that this twisted prick is suing to get his dog back?

No need to worry, Foxhound Fondler, once you go to jail on this felony charge, you’ll have plenty of options to choose from. Unfortunately, this time you’ll probably be bottom.

43 Comment(s)
  • Toolman
    July 21, 2019 at 5:12 am

    So, the guy likes chihuahua on a stick?
    Weird. I hope a K9 officer made the collar.

  • M M
    July 1, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    His uncle .. Richard Woodhead .. ex cop from north Attleboro .. was arrested a few years ago for child porn child charges .. doesn’t anybody remember this??

  • rte2tentresident
    June 28, 2019 at 10:37 pm

    Lincoln RI is a real TB kind of town. An old mill town where all the mills closed 100 years ago. Most of the residents like to pretend they are good old boys from down south because they don’t want to admit the truth of where they come from.

  • This scum should rot
    June 28, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    Police were tipped off by a date he picked up in a gay match app. DNA was taken from the dog.

  • E W
    June 27, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    Did you know that his Uncle . Former police officer Richard Woodhead , from Attleboro MA was arrested a few years ago for child porn charges??? Nobody seems to realize this?? Hmmmm

  • Well, No Shit
    June 22, 2019 at 11:14 am

    Death Penalty.

  • randiguy2006
    Was she scantily dressed?
    June 21, 2019 at 10:28 am

    Bitch was askin’ for it.

  • Ben Dover
    June 21, 2019 at 8:36 am

    A+ Tryout

    June 21, 2019 at 7:41 am

    Now that is some RUFF SEX!

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      June 21, 2019 at 8:31 am

      It may have been a Cock-er Spaniel………..

  • Bill Clinton
    June 21, 2019 at 7:07 am

    Sad day when a guy can’t get himself a piece of tail….

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    June 21, 2019 at 2:59 am

    Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Dog Pound”.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Adam Schiff's pencil neck
    June 20, 2019 at 8:55 pm

    I hope that when he is released from jail, his asshole is as big as a pie plate !

  • Stories Of The Koran
    June 20, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    Allah would have butt fucked the dog snapped its neck and then ste the evidence for dinner.

    • Rick
      June 30, 2019 at 9:49 am

      Someone really needs to snuff a filthy racist POS like you.

  • Too old to understand the internet
    June 20, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    Y! Road Trip -Not cheating if it’s your dog. Please that is.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    June 20, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    Like Melinda, he was probably shaking off a tick and another busybody jumped to conclusions.

  • Mom’s Basement
    June 20, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    Did they say what kind of dog? I bet French poodle. Even if it wasn’t there’s something weird about a guy that would want to own one.

    • Your Mom
      June 21, 2019 at 7:17 pm

      Corgi. *Shudders

  • GFY Tilton
    Four legged lover
    June 20, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Did he do it doggy style?

    • whatevuh
      June 20, 2019 at 8:09 pm

      No, cuz he didn’t want to have puppies

    • Your Mom
      June 21, 2019 at 7:15 pm

      A Corgi. *shudders

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    June 20, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    Limerick of the night….

    There was a pervert called Woodhead
    Whose pencil was too full of lead
    Instead of a lady
    He tried something shady
    And buggered his bulldog instead.

    Dick Scratcher (aged 39.1)

    • True Reality Speaks
      Iambic Pentameter it Ain't
      June 20, 2019 at 6:16 pm

      Don’t take it personally – but your limericks blow.

      Not surprisingly for a limey cuck, so you got that going for you.

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        June 20, 2019 at 9:15 pm

        Thanks for your in-depth and penetrating analysis.

        As a result of your post there will be more Limey Limericks, courtesy of Big Dick Scratcher.

        Now, off you fuck.

        • Authentic (for you Dick)
          June 21, 2019 at 7:05 am

          Then there’s this guy from Lincoln;

          Lord only knows what he’s thinkin’

          Yeah, he’s a real winner,
          Didn’t have to buy dinner

          Got laid without even drinkin

          • dowen0895
            Dick Scratcher
            June 21, 2019 at 7:12 am

            Good work, Brother Authentic.

            Hands across the ocean.

  • Michael L. Woodhead
    June 20, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    I left traces of splinters in the dog’s butt. Silly me.

  • Put Him To Sleep. Not the Dog
    June 20, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Well this guy is obviously a sick fuck. What’s next for him to stick his dick in, electrical outlets?

    • Hope
      June 20, 2019 at 5:34 pm

      We can only hope.

  • VeryHappyTurtle
    June 20, 2019 at 4:22 pm

    There was also a comment under one of the threads stating that this dude allegedly paid a kid at the Y $40 for clean piss, and then the kid caught him chugging it in the parking lot. (Allegedly).

  • Hugh Mungous
    June 20, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    He also molested a potbelly pig. The police were able to crack the case because the pig squealed

  • Kim Wescott
    June 20, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    I’m sure he doesn’t do it in public, so who filed the complaint? And how did that person find out what he was doing?

    Maybe a vet checkup? Nah, no way this prick takes his dog to the vet.

    And why on earth was the poor dog returned to him?

    Lowlife, scum of the earth, piece of shit.

  • Greg
    June 20, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    I do hope he gets repeatedly raped in prison.

    • Mike Litoris
      June 20, 2019 at 10:27 pm

      I hope he’s murdered in prison.

      • Your Mom
        June 21, 2019 at 7:24 pm

        By getting raped repeatedly in prison……

  • Captain Trips
    Huckleberry Hound
    June 20, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    It’s not his fault. A lady he was trying to pick up once called him a dog and, well, it stuck!

    Cue up – ‘Bark at the Moon’ by Ozzie Osbourne

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    June 20, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    I did hear he likes it RUFF!

  • MILFmanJack
    June 20, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    Michael’s a great kid…yeah he fucks dogs, but so what? He just got mixed up with the wrong crowd.

    • ncfoothillbilly
      June 20, 2019 at 4:01 pm

      Exactly…never trust bitches!

  • Christopher Lettiere
    June 20, 2019 at 2:32 pm

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