Now that Backpage.com has shut down, it’s gotten really hard for the less than desirable ones among to get some action. Some people turn to dating sites like Plenty of Fish or Match.com. Others turn to hookup apps like Tinder or Grindr (I’m a fan of equality). Still others turn to their faithful pets for relief…
Just when you thought you’d heard everything…
From WJAR 10:
“A Lincoln man has been arrested following an investigation into the sexual abuse of a dog.
Michael L. Woodhead, 38, was charged with abominable and detestable crime against nature and unnecessary cruelty to animals, announced the Lincoln Police Department and the Rhode Island Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.”
Gross. I’m not a fan of THAT sort of equality. Kill it, with fire.
Michael Brain Dead Woodhead must be one lonely guy. Sure, it gets boring beating your own baloney baton, but I can’t imagine the decision making process involved in this one.
Side note, why is one of the chargers called “unnecessary cruelty to animals?” is there such a thing as necessary cruelty? Anyway, back to the doggy diddler.
……“Investigators from both organizations began to investigate Woodhead after receiving a complaint in February of a sexually abused dog that was owned by the suspect.”
According to the release, investigators made “disturbing observations” while at the residence and removed a female dog belonging to Woodhead.”
Well, at least the conservative Christians can be happy that it was heterosexual hound humping, right?
As far as I can tell, this guy has no social media presence. Maybe he pulled a dirty delete as soon as he was released from jail. I found some family members, but nary a mention nor a picture of Mike the Mutt Molester. Apparently, if you want to get out of Thanksgiving dinner, all you have to do is boink a beagle. Or maybe desecrate a dachshund? Get raunchy with a rotty?
While Canine Casanova doesn’t have a Facebook page, he does have a couple of cases on his resume. Two in particular caught my eye. In July of 2007, Michael was arrested and charged with one count of indecent solicitation of a child and one count of disorderly conduct.
So he’s clearly a great guy.
The case was moved to Providence Superior Court and the following November, the indecent solicitation charge was amended to a second count of disorderly conduct. He then pleaded no contest to both charges. Sounds like a plea deal to me, but without the details of the case, that’s only a guess. Also note that as part of the sentence, a no contact order was entered and the defendant was ordered to enter a mental health program.
So what happened? Did Labrador Lover’s close call with becoming a registered sex offender force him to seek alternate forms of “relief?” That’s pure speculation on my part, but I think it’s clear that whatever mental health program he entered didn’t work very well.
This part was kind of disturbing as well….
“Investigators executed a search warrant at Woodhead’s residence on Feb. 26 to seize any animals, said a joint release by police and the RISPCA.”
Now, I’m no expert and we’re also pro-law enforcement at Turtleboy, but why did it take 4 months to make an arrest? It seems like a pretty open and shut case. I found the date of the search warrant interesting, though, because as I was looking at his criminal record, I came across this civil suit filed by the pooch pounder against the RISPCA:
Less than two weeks after the search warrant was executed and his dog was removed, he filed a civil suit. Could it really be that this twisted prick is suing to get his dog back?
No need to worry, Foxhound Fondler, once you go to jail on this felony charge, you’ll have plenty of options to choose from. Unfortunately, this time you’ll probably be bottom.