Hoodrat Heroes

Lovebirds Caught Boning Midthrust Outside Of Brookfield Elementary School Should Probably Finish Quicker Next Time Or Wait Until It’s Warm Out

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Here’s a fun headline from the Turtlegram:

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Nothing to see here. It’s a couple days before Thanksgiving and they just wanted to get a head start on stuffing the turkey.

Genuinely shocked this didn’t happen in Webster. Brookfield is a sneaky dump though. People forget about it because it’s in between Ware, Southbridge, and Spencer. And when you’re that close to those three places, you’re bound to look good in comparison. But take a drive down Route 9 some day and you’ll see Brookfield in all its splendor:

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Yet somehow these two geniuses Sam Onorato and Shannon Bowser saw all these abandoned buildings and run down homes and thought to themselves, “this would be a great place to fuck.” Next thing you know they’re churning the butter right then and there. And they didn’t even go down a side road or anything. They were within 100 feet of Brookfield Elementary School, which of course is right on Main Street in the center of town. Sounds like one hell of a romantic night these two lovebirds had.

Here’s my question – how the hell did they end up in Brookfield? It’s not exactly a place you end up in on accident. He’s from Shrewsbury and she’s from Hudson. That’s not exactly on the way either. You don’t get off on the wrong exit of 290 and end up in downtown Brookfield. They obviously scouted this area out and found out this was the best possible spot to roast the ol’ broomstick.

These two had to realize they were gonna get caught right? I mean, multiple people saw them in a town that can’t have more than a couple thousand people. I have to say, I am kind of impressed by his stamina though. Think of the timeframe here. Not one, but two people saw them boning. They both call the cops. Then the cops have to drive there and break it up.  MIDTHRUST mind you!! That’s 15 minutes minimum. AND it was freezing cold outside and the guy could still perform. Hats off to you buddy.

The police report was the best part:

“Sam and Shannon are also being charged with disturbing the peace due to the fact that intercourse in public tends to annoy all good citizens and it did in fact disturb multiple people.”

It’s true. I consider myself a good citizen, and when I drive down the street and see two people doing the kilbasa challenge, the first thing I think is, “that’s annoying.” Although if this happened in Webster a bunch of people probably would’ve set up lawn chairs, started eating popcorn, and cheered them on.

Oh yea, and they both had outstanding warrants. Because…..of course they did. All I know is, if you have outstanding warrants then the last thing you should be doing is burying the bone in the backyard on Main Street in Brookfield.

Obviously the first thing we had to do was check out their Facebook pages. Sam doesn’t have much going on, but this appears to be him:

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There’s another guy in the profile picture, but…..yea, we think this is him. (if it’s not then it’s then we’ll fix it)

It’s not his fault though:

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True that. Sometimes you’re just minding your own business, not breaking the law. The next minute you realize your cucumber is buried in pickle brine. Shit happens.

Oh, and this is awkward:

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One day you’re sharing Turtleboy articles, the next day you’re the main character.

I can’t say I blame Sam though. Shannon Bowser is one prim looking star gazer. She’s got the whole sexy teacher look going on:

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And the airbags are fully deployed:

 

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Plus she blew a .246. Do you realize how drunk that is? You couple those funbags with that much booze and Brookfield Elementary School and you’re bound to end up with public fornication. That’s just science.

But as of last Pearl Harbor Day, Shannon had a different boyfriend named Drew:
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Maybe that’s why they went to Brookfield? Who knows. All I’m saying is, A+ for effort, but D- for planning and execution.

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62 Comment(s)
  • Dianne Williamson, Worcester Telegram
    November 25, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    Shannon, it’s Dianne, from the Turtlegram….How about giving me an exclusive one on one interview that you act out? I know a nice cozy indoor place for it.

  • Ms. Lotta Leadpipe
    November 23, 2016 at 5:59 pm

    I grew up in Brookfield. Not much else to do but slug root beer schnapps in the sandpits or getting some stank on the hang down.

  • Jenna J
    November 23, 2016 at 9:49 am

    All she needs to do now is have a home sex tape leaked to the public. Hell I’d buy it.

  • Ol' Brook Brookfield
    November 22, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    Well hell I remember plowing that land with my team of Ox when my second wife come runnin to me hollerin’ an screamin’ that she was ready so I bent her over the plow and planted a seed for America right there on a Sunday afternoon on that land. ‘course back then we was just trying to make America a safe strong country and our biggest fear was bein over ran by faggot politicians.

  • Dread Ilk
    November 22, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    Chick needs to go to Jenny Craig.

    • A
      November 24, 2016 at 1:24 pm

      Maybe you need to go to Jenny Craig leave her alone you low life.

  • Boston210
    November 22, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    True definition of a slam pig! So much for clean & sober living. Didn’t you just get custody of your kids back?? Instead of justifying your need to keep it spicy…you should be embarrassed, if not for yourself but for your teenage daughter who is likely to hear about this! Disgraceful excuse of a human being never mind a mother.

    • Shannon Bowser
      November 22, 2016 at 11:00 pm

      Funny thing is you think you know alot about me.but too scared to put your name. First of all I am far from a slam pig. And people have sex. I am taking responsibility for my actions. I fuck up. Im human. But the fact that you would degrat me like that is just plan mean. But dony worry I know what I did and I suffer for it. But to say im a bad mother thats a line you crossed. Ill pray for you.

  • Paul Larson
    November 22, 2016 at 7:40 pm

    “Embraced by an activist and supportive black community, the Bryant family shaped and secured their freedom in the North. They would be the first of many “contrabands of war” and freedpeople who would migrate to Worcester to escape the shadow of slavery in the years during and immediately following the Civil War … In Massachusetts and across the North, just as the Bryants arrived, ……

    “DEMOCRATS bolstered their constitutional arguments AGAINST EMANCIPATION by painting fearful portraits of a flood of black migrants to the North, who, they claimed, would compete with white workers, drive down wages, and exacerbate racial tensions.”

    Source: First Fruits of Freedom – The migration of former slaves and their search for equality in Worcester, Massachusetts, 1862 – 1900, page 54, by Janette Thomas Greenwood, 2009

    Democrats call Republicans racist, so I have a right to call Democrats racist, along with facts and sources to prove what I say.

    Paul Larson

    • Dread Ilk
      November 22, 2016 at 8:15 pm

      WTF are you shitting on about?

      • BobnMic
        November 22, 2016 at 8:28 pm

        Hey numbnut – what he is saying is to read a fucking book for once in your life and put down your fucking Kycola GC03 Game Controller Xbox 360 and get a fucking life you lifeless socially inept Zombie asshat…

        • BobnMic is a lying SJW
          November 22, 2016 at 8:44 pm

          Fuck off loser. Do the world a favor and die soon.

        • Dread Ilk
          November 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm

          WTF are you shitting on about?

        • BobnMic go away
          November 23, 2016 at 6:16 am

          But here you are all hours of the day, right Bob? Remember, speed kills. GO AWAAY!

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 7:21 am

            Up in the morn bright and early to see what I commented on. Wow – are you obsessed with me or what?!!…

        • You suck at life
          November 23, 2016 at 9:08 am

          How does Paul’s ass taste? You certainly are up it enough!

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 9:14 am

            Are you talking to me?

          • You suck at life
            November 23, 2016 at 9:31 am

            Does the shoe fit?

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 9:48 am

            Jeeze man really?

          • The Smiths - How Soon Is Now
            November 23, 2016 at 9:53 am

            “I am the son
            And the heir
            Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
            I am the son and heir
            Of nothing in particular
            You shut your mouth
            How can you say
            I go about things the wrong way?
            I am human and I need to be loved
            Just like everybody else does”

            BobnMic rocks………………………………………………………..

          • The Smiths suck
            November 23, 2016 at 10:11 am

            And, Morrissey is a douchebag… Take this nugget of wisdom for example “It’s hard to be a man. It’s made to be hard and I don’t know why. I think it’s easier to be a woman. The women’s movement has been so successful; the men’s movement has never been accepted. I think it’s not wanted. I think the expectation that men be stoic and strong is so enormous that finally they decide that this is the attractive way to be. There’s more to life than being macho – such an ugly word – which is something that I realized at the age of one.”

            Lame ass emo shit… No wonder all the little sissy boy’s have The Smiths playing when they hang their pansy asses in the closet.

    • The more you know...
      November 23, 2016 at 9:43 am

      Here you go Paul… Just as on topic as you are… But perhaps a bit more apropos to the season…

      The eternal challenge of a cook on Thanksgiving is nailing the perfect doneness of the turkey. Go too far and you’ve dried out the breast. But if you try to keep the breast juicy, you risk undercooking the dark meat and making everyone sick. Not to mention the whole stuffing conundrum—if you want to cook stuffing inside the bird to a safe temperature, you’re pretty much guaranteed to overcook the rest of the turkey.

      So what’s the easiest way to nail a perfectly juicy and flavorful turkey main and have your stuffing too? Roast a stuffed turkey breast! They cook faster than a whole bird, serve just as many people (if you cook two, as in our recipe for Stuffed Turkey Breast With Butternut Squash, Kale, and Sausage), and are ideal for a less-traditional feast like Friendsgiving. Even better, they’re super-easy to carve, and can be completely prepped a day in advance. And let’s face it: Most people prefer the white meat anyway.

      But we’re not content just to roast a couple turkey breasts and call it a day. Unlike a whole bird, stuffing a turkey breast is a very good idea. The stuffing infuses the white meat with flavor, and cooks through in exactly the same time it takes for the meat to reach that mythic, perfect degree of doneness. With just a few clever techniques, you too can get the juiciest, most flavorful turkey breast ever.

      Source: Epicurious “Stop Stressing About Roasting Your Thanksgiving Turkey. Just Make This.” Rhoda Boone, 2016

  • John Shays
    November 22, 2016 at 7:36 pm

    This has to be the crudest article from the T&G ever. Journalism no longer has any morals left. The language used was horrid for the general public to read, not to mention children read the paper as well, but that’s the way it is now, shock em!

  • Fatfingr Lou
    November 22, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    “Case numbah fo-ah…
    Plowing on the wrong field in Brook-field.
    Yo-ah FIHNE is… pick some wormy apples, and a no-tell motel next time.
    NEXT CASE!”

  • Glen
    November 22, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    Lolololol rotflmfao!!! I know this trick!!! (Girl) I know her, to funny!! I thought I was I was n a shittty spot!

    • Shannon Bowser
      November 22, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      Trick??? Really Glenn

  • Shannon Bowser
    November 22, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    So by the way I live in Brookfield now. My house is 2 houses from the elementary school…And yes people do have sex these days right?? Or just in their bedrooms?? I was in my yard. And you cant always believe what the police say. So people can say whatever they want about me but at the end of the day I see nothing wrong with messing around with your man in your yard.in the summer fall winter or spring. You gotta spice shit up. Right??

    • Boston210
      November 22, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      I’d be disgusted if my teenage daughter/son saw this…you should be concerned about your teenage daughter hearing about it or reading your justification!

    • Dread Ilk
      November 22, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      I’m thinking you have one dad per kid. Amirite?

      • Shannon Bowser
        November 22, 2016 at 10:50 pm

        No all my kids are with my ex husband.

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          November 22, 2016 at 11:24 pm

          Shannon, you’re a beautiful girl with a nice set of very large tits, and you seem to be kind of nice. This comment section is probably not the place to justify your sex life…

          If you’re going to fuck in public for a thrill, be more discreet and choose a better location. Not judging you or anything, I just think your choice of location was shitty.

          We can be friends… I would like to tap on your tits like congas though… Acceptable or nah?

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 4:44 am

            ROFL!

          • WoW
            November 23, 2016 at 7:57 am

            FiestyLawyerLady you really are a fucking dyke aren’t you…

          • Michael Jackson
            November 23, 2016 at 9:06 am

            If there’s one thing we can all get behind, it’s a nice set of tits… I’ve seen a few pair that would solve the issues in the Middle East…

            Heal the world… Make it a better place… For you and for me and the entire human race…

          • FiestyLawyerLady
            November 23, 2016 at 10:15 am

            You get my vision!!!

    • Studlywonderballs
      November 22, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      You free tomorrow? I’m be into a little afternoon delight if your interested.

  • 1776
    November 22, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    I see we have some turtlegram trolls out in full force here the last few days. Well, I suppose they have to get their jollies off somehow (kinda like the people in this article), because they restrict free speech over there. Just proves that they NEED turtleboysports. Enjoy the ride! LOL!

  • Turd Burglestein
    November 22, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Sam is a true American hero…shit I’d want to hit that in public too just for the bragging rights. He showed us all just how to reach down and grab that pussy.

    GALA
    Get America Laid Again

    • BobnMic
      November 22, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Of course don’t forget that you would have to take a shit on that before you hit it. That is your signature move isn’t it? Fucking clown. Try your tactic with you best bitch Fiesty Latino Queen the Wreaking Rican. She’d fucking love all of it and you two assholes can go slim all around in your feces you sick fucks…

      • Turd Burglestein
        November 22, 2016 at 6:25 pm

        I can come over and shit on your wife while you hide in the closet and masturbate. Just promise you won’t sneak up and try to motorboat my asscheeks before I wipe.

        • BobnMic
          November 22, 2016 at 6:33 pm

          Oh looky here another one coming after my wife. Wow – you and Fiesty the Latino Queen Wreaking Rican are a match made up in heaven. Let me ask you this non-asswipe;

          Do you even like girls? Because I easily could go off on your girlfriend/wife or boyfriend if you want to take it there fuckface. You are fucking with the wrong guy shithead. Hahaha – Everytime I say that referring to you the Puns just keep rollin of my tongue…

          • Chris Seith
            woodsman
            November 22, 2016 at 7:05 pm

            Owened

          • Turd Burglestein
            November 22, 2016 at 7:05 pm

            Sure thing man. Come on. Show me what you got. If it’s anything like the lame ass shit you’ve been spouting off for the last 6 months, we’ll all be bored to death as usual.

          • BobnMic's Blow Up Wife
            November 22, 2016 at 7:16 pm

            Hey Bob, tell everyone how you pass me around the neighborhood and then kiss my mouth hole afterwards.

          • BobnMic
            November 22, 2016 at 7:18 pm

            I just wait for your punch so I can counter harder. But I do have to admit a good defense is a great offense but in this round I’ll just see what you got then tear it to ever loving fucking shreds. Per usual…

          • BobnMic's Blow Up Wife
            November 22, 2016 at 7:18 pm

            Then instead of puns rolling off your tongue, it’s hobo cum.

          • BobnMic's Shit 4 Brains
            November 22, 2016 at 7:26 pm

            I OWN YOUR BRAIN!

          • BobnMic go away
            November 23, 2016 at 6:12 am

            LOL! One day you’ll realize nobody GAFF what you have to say. Even your short lived romance is over with SSTG ’cause she is hiding in her safe space since the election. GO AWAAY!

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 7:40 am

            Don’t be dissin’ South STG. She’d skate circles around your dumb ass and that has nothing to do with the election. She is smarter than you will ever be. Fact.

          • BobnMic is a lying SJW
            November 23, 2016 at 8:17 am

            I wish, like in the cartoons, that someone would skate circles around you until they cut through the ice and then watch you sink down into the water like the piece of shit you are. Again it wouldn’t be the slow and painful death you deserve that we all wish on you, but we’re all willing to compromise. It’s just like the Art Of The Deal.

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 8:27 am

            Ya ok there Fiesty you fucking coward. You have to come at me with alter screen names all of the time now? How much of a fucking pussy are you?

            Oh that’s right I forgot. Then you will emerge as screen name Fiesty and appear pure and innocent.

            Well guess what asshole – ain’t nobody buyin’ it…

  • Mayoress Morse (Princess of Holyoke)
    November 22, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    There is no place where public shows of affection are acceptable…………unless it’s two gay guys bangin nasty at an anti Trump Rally. You go at it you free ballin freedom fighters Yayyyy!

  • Tyrone
    November 22, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Really. ..like tbs never did this before stfu

  • BobnMic
    November 22, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    Wow that pic get’s me hard, the pic of her isn’t bad either!

  • Party boy
    November 22, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    I’d smash that in the grass any day!

  • BobnMic
    November 22, 2016 at 4:34 pm

    I’d hit that. I mean Sam. That’s the dude, right? Yeah. Sam… Totally would… Uh huh.

    • BobnMic's Gaping Anus
      November 22, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Sam already hit me last week. Now my dookie chute has 301k miles of cock run through it. And even though this asshole may look old and worn out, I can still hold a deuce in when I have to.

    • TargetPractice
      November 22, 2016 at 10:24 pm

      I just want to say that I love all the Bobnmic troll accounts. I’ve been there since the beginning, when Bob was annoying but almost tolerable. To his brief love affair with feisty, and their acrimonious divorce. His 4am nonsense posts. To his new brotherhood with slave guy and the Jew hater. And to watch him get thoroughly cucked on here is amazing

      • BobnMic
        November 23, 2016 at 3:46 am

        Well isn’t this a joy to have Marie the junkie from Athol sneaking in here but not large enough to go by that fucking lying Professor bullshit screen name. The Professor of nothing I always said. And as it turned out I was right all along. Another troll idiot on the Fiesty band wagon patrol brought to you by the Turd – President and CEO of the Fiesty Latino Queen Wreaking Rican brigade…

        • TargetPractice
          November 23, 2016 at 3:24 pm

          I love when Bob thinks he knows who you are lol cuz somebody else trashes him on Facebook and he assumes its you. I deleted my Facebook 5 years ago

          • BobnMic
            November 23, 2016 at 3:27 pm

            Newsflash dipshit: I do not do Facebook you idiot!!!……….

  • Talisman
    November 22, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    I dunno, something smells fishy here

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