Turtleboy Investigates

Luke Noble Issues “Joint Statement” With Ex-Wife Asking People To Stop Talking About The Video Of Him Degrading His Daughter And Telling Her To Shut The Fuck Up


On Friday we published a blog showing North Andover Board of Selectmen candidate Luke Noble saying some pretty awful things to his three year old crotch fruit.

His attorney Joe Orlando Jr. attempted to intimidate me into not publishing that video, which was posted by an anonymous Twitter account. According to Joe Jr. there was ongoing litigation in which that tape was being used. Except that turned out to be a LIE. I asked Joe Jr. the name of the defendant it was being used against, the docket number, and/or the court it was out of, and he refused to tell me. Turns out that’s because there was no open case and he was just trying to silence the free press before an upcoming election.

According to a guy on Facebook Luke claimed that the video was doctored.

Luke’s Facebook page for Selectman was taken down after it got flooded with people who rightfully called him out for this horrific behavior. But his campaign continued and over the weekend him and his school teacher (Parker Middle School in Chelmsford) new wife went out and showed off their contribution to stopping the spread of coronavirus.

National emergencies are funny!!

On Sunday morning he was brazen enough to put his page back up, which lasted all of an hour or so before being taken down when turtle riders flooded his comments.

Then today North Andover Wicked Local published an update from douchebag McGee, condemning people who talked about the disturbing and emotionally abusive behavior they witnessed in that video.

“The controversy is harming our children. In order to protect our children…”

Right. Because swearing at your three year old daughter and asking, “How the fuck did we produce such a nightmare,” calling her the “worst child I’ve ever seen,” and telling her she’s a bad girl who deserves nothing while she begs you for positive affirmation, isn’t harmful to your children at all.

How pathetic is the MSM for referring to TB as “a blogger” and “a blog post.” Bitch, we took down the Massachusetts State Police. We break rule news in real time while you sit on your ass and pretend we don’t exist. See how I linked your stupid article at the top? You’re free to do the same, but you won’t because you are frauds.

This was not a “joint statement” either. Ya see, Luke forgot to mention that his attorneys, the Orlando clan from Gloucester, got her to sign a NDA during the contentious divorce. He had the resources and money to silence her since he makes a ton of money, and she’s a daycare worker. Sources tell us that she was mentally beat down by the divorce, wanted it to end, and agreed to sign the NDA to put it to rest. So no, “we” don’t write this. You did Luke.

“Please be advised that all matters concerning disputes and allegations between us during the pendency of our divorce litigation several years ago have been resolved.”

Yea, the thing about that is, I got the court documents from your divorce Luke, and they’re VERY disturbing. You know, and I know, what was in them. You know, and I know, how disturbing the allegations made by Dr. Orr and your daughter’s therapist are. You know, and I know, about the RO’s and the contempt of court. And yes, I will publishing them because your attorneys don’t scare me like they do your ex-wife.

“We ask that all discussion and sharing of material regarding our marriage, family, and divorce, cease immediately.”

Yea, wouldn’t that be convenient for you? I understand your ex-wife can’t talk because of the NDA, and the fact that she’s obviously scared of you. But I’m not here to kiss your ass like all these idiots:

I know the truth, I know what’s been credibly alleged about you, and I intend on writing about it.



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48 Comment(s)
  • I've been doing it wrong
    March 20, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    Wait thats bad parenting… Damn here I thought I was a good parent. I tell my kids to STFU at least 10x a day and question how I created such little terrorists. Lol

  • Peeps fu%# yo moms brah
    March 19, 2020 at 10:33 am


  • Noble Needs A Good Ass kicking
    March 19, 2020 at 6:04 am

    Id live nothing better than to beat the shit out of this fake beta tough guy. As much as i hate him, i hate his enablers and defenders even more.

  • Lizzy Desler
    March 18, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    How to get your ex back fast contact (pristbacasim2000@gmail.com)

  • Dukakis's queer nephew
    March 18, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    Dude sounds like an hysterical homosexual in the video his child is more mature.

  • Ghost Cowboy
    March 18, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    Deputy Luke and I were sitting on the sundeck of the Prairie Belle, sheltered beneath a large white canvas canopy to protect our heads from the hot sun. It was early afternoon and the air was at peace from the gnats which would later force us into the township of North Andoverville and away from the river. Luke was reading a book and drinking Black Rock Beer while I was quietly strumming my guitar and feeling a little heady on Tequila shots. The paddle steamer was laid up with boiler trouble and would be out of action for a few days. We wanted to move on but the captain, John Hook, persuaded us to stay the request came with an offer of free grub for the entirety of the repairs. He didn’t want to lose us, as we were popular at the muddy old river and, as we had worked for him over several past summers and as we enjoyed a drink or two, we agreed to drop anchor alongside him. Remember to vote. Luke is your man.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      March 19, 2020 at 6:14 pm

      ok, that made me teehee a tad.

  • Truth
    March 18, 2020 at 8:01 pm

    President Trump is so inept he can’t even create a pandemic that kills more than a few people. Vote Biden in November.

    • Trump/Smoking Man 2020
      March 18, 2020 at 8:33 pm

      That’s cuz it’s Bush and Cheney’s fault! Rumsfeld helped them brew up the virus with all that stolen Iraqi oil money!

    • Glen Campbell
      March 19, 2020 at 10:08 am

      I blame it on the Haliburton hurricane machine

  • randiguy2006
    March 18, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    This guy now has my vote. It’s about time someone started treating kids like they need. We raised a generation of snowflakes.

  • Andrea Grocer
    March 18, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    What’s the address of his campaign headquarters? I’d like to drop off my endorsement there. Will there be anyone there at like 6 AM?

  • randiguy2006
    March 18, 2020 at 7:39 pm

    Hey numbnuts, you’re a blogger, get over it.

  • Crank has a tiny prick
    March 18, 2020 at 7:26 pm

    Crank is a homo who got AIDS sucking and fucking queers at the glory hole. He’s such a little beta cuck that he will defend shitty blogs no matter how shitty hoping turtle boy will strawberry creampie him.

    • Crank
      March 19, 2020 at 10:46 am

      Hahaha. You sound well versed on the homosexual goings on nowadays. Do you pay for services or are you collecting for services? Because either way it’s clear you enjoy cock in and around your orifices. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  • Please spank me, mommy
    March 18, 2020 at 6:10 pm

    When I was little my mom used to get drunk and beat me with a metal curtain rod, and I turned out perfectly normal. Okay, I can only cum when a fat broad squashes my nuts with her shoe while I jerkoff with tinfoil. But other than that a crazy violent parent had no effect on me.

  • Cheddah
    March 18, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    There’s nothing more insufferable than people who tell corny-ass jokes. Ordering a Corona at a bar and making a gay corny remark about the current situation might be one of the lamest of all times..
    That said, this guy automatically sucks even if this meltdown never happened.

  • Kate
    March 18, 2020 at 3:12 pm

    I want to say what Mr. Noble did in that video was very noble.
    You are A1A in my parenting book.

  • george costanza
    That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
    March 18, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    Aaaaaaaargh! Never a scurvier swine than thee has sailed the Pearl than Luke. We left him on tortuga for verbally abusing jack the monkey.

  • Ray Patriarcas Consigliere
    March 18, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    Speaking on behalf of Mr. Patriarca….

    What a cunt!

    • Ray Patriarca
      Ray Patriarca
      March 18, 2020 at 5:19 pm

      I couldn’t have said it better myself !

  • Crystal Laviolette
    March 18, 2020 at 2:00 pm

    Whelp, that sucks!

  • Jonathan Edwards' Advice to North Andover Voters
    March 18, 2020 at 1:46 pm

    He can’t even run his own life,
    I’ll be damned if he’ll run mine.

    • Noble Idea
      March 18, 2020 at 5:25 pm

      I can run my tongue on your rim

  • Great work, TB
    March 18, 2020 at 1:38 pm

    Great work, TB. Keep the pressure on this jerk and the flaccid local media. Not a private matter between a husband and wife (which would be reportable anyway), but this jerk wants to represent others. The behavior disqualifies him from any public office. Simple concept; no exceptions.

  • Hi luuuuuke.
    March 18, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    Re-uploaded the video on YT and BC and DM. The internet is forever Luke. The genie can’t be put in back in the bottle. Now you must live with this. It will ever be thus.

    Please sue me too. It would be really funny to watch you repeatedly punch yourself in the dick.

    Auf wiedersehen fuckbag.

  • hartf811
    March 18, 2020 at 1:28 pm

    The Orlando clan is Gloucester is and has always been an inbred genetic cesspool of ratchets who should never be let “over the bridge.” Only slightly less smelly shit than the Curtatones in Slummerville.

  • Limbaugh Country
    March 18, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    Noble is a typical pint sized pussy. This ain’t going away you P.O.S. We’ll see how decent the voters in N. Andover are. Shouldn’t the slimy Gov. Baker and all other politicos rescind their endorsements for this gutless bully.

  • hartf811
    Aristotle Onassis
    March 18, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    So is this picture is the new wife? How fucking bright can she be? Hope she enjoys a good hairbrush to the side of the head.

  • Typical Jεw Rat
    March 18, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    Thats how all these sneaky kikes are at home. Beat their wives and children, and act all righteous and proper in public.

    • jew spotter
      March 19, 2020 at 1:18 pm

      not a jew, my guess is armenian or turkish, noble is probably nobelegian or some such shit anglicized

  • I coulda been Turtleboy’s dad but the wounded dog with Down syndrome in front of me had exact change
    March 18, 2020 at 12:34 pm

    Democrats are giving us a comedy show and all you care about is blogging about white trash.

  • Daddy Don’t Hit Me
    March 18, 2020 at 12:20 pm

    But TB you are a blogger. A really bad one.
    Did you have a dream where you were a journalist?
    No, silly. You’re a really really really BAD blogger. I hear Holden DPW is looking for help.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      March 18, 2020 at 1:29 pm

      Yet, here you are. Reading every word, commenting and completely unable to stay away.

      Go on, off you fuck.


      • jamal khashoggi's severed cock
        March 18, 2020 at 9:26 pm

        I once knew a fair looking lass
        who liked my cock in her ass
        now her tits are all squishy
        and her pussy smells fishy
        no doubt she a product of Mass
        nawr i ffwrdd â chi fuck
        Hello Dick

      • jamal khashoggi's severed cock
        March 19, 2020 at 10:12 am

        I once knew a fair looking lass
        who liked my cock in her ass
        now her tits are all squishy
        and her pussy smells fishy
        no doubt she a product of Mass
        nawr i ffwrdd â chi fuck
        Hello Dick

        • dowen0895
          Dick Scratcher
          March 19, 2020 at 10:22 am

          Hello again!

          Thanks for the limerick and the “off you fuck” in Welsh 🙂

  • Independent thinker
    March 18, 2020 at 12:10 pm

    Get him Turtle!!! This is why I love, support and contribute to AK ( even if he is a FOX news Zombie,Orange Menace supporting, far right wing militia type. We can all agree on bashing ratchets and frauds!!! Keep up the good fight Turtle boy!

  • Been there, Lived it.
    March 18, 2020 at 12:09 pm

    TB, go for it! This is when you are at your best, exposing these shit bags. Believe me, there’s nothing he can say that will change my mind about him. I know what goes on up there not just in his family but in many families up there. The things that go on behind the closed doors is amazing. Trust me, social fronts they put up do not tell the real story. Go for it!

  • Fucking lame
    March 18, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    Between this and the Bristol bullshit I’m pretty much going to start social distancing myself from this blog. The guy was pissed and yelled at his kids, get the fuck over it. Fucking snowflakes, remember when kids got hit with belts and sent to bed without dinner????? I’m going to donate to this fucking guy’s campaign instead of tb.

    • Crank
      March 18, 2020 at 12:49 pm

      You’re going to distance yourself from this blog? Oh no. How will anyone be able to go on without you?

      Do yourself a favor and eat a bullet. No one you know will miss you, you scabby cunt

      • Rick
        March 18, 2020 at 12:59 pm

        “Get hit with a belt”
        That’s the answer!

        • Go suck a dick Rick.
          March 18, 2020 at 2:19 pm

          You fags think you are so enlightened and have all the answers. Maybe these fucking little shits should get hit with a belt every once in a while. When parents beat their kids there were no school shootings, no opioid epidemic, no aids, no little bitches like you and the rest complaining because someone yelled at his kid. Go suck a dick Rick.

      • Belt Boy Sucks
        March 18, 2020 at 1:31 pm

        Why not just distance yourself. Why do you feel the need to make an announcement. Perhaps because you’re full of fertilizer.

        • Belt boy rules
          March 18, 2020 at 1:34 pm

          How about I come bend you over my knee and give you the belt you little cock sucking queer??

          • The Harlem Globetrotters
            March 18, 2020 at 3:46 pm

            After we finish with your mother we’ll let you cleans our balls and assholes

      • Crank licks balls
        March 18, 2020 at 1:33 pm

        You fucking beta cuck, all over turtleboys nuts. I

        • Jeff J
          Crank Licks Balls??
          March 18, 2020 at 6:38 pm

          What happened, you nod off? “…..all over Turtleboy nuts. I…?
          I what?? I’m positive it was going to say, “I LOVE his nuts too. Only after I’m done draining the love juice out of his and all his neighbor’s cocks because I’m a filthy, dirty homo that loves to be dickslapped.” Don’t bother now, we all know.

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