Marshall Henderson is my favorite basketball player ever. Ever heard of him? He’s only the most hateable player in college hoops since Christian Laetner. The former Ole Miss star only played two seasons in Oxford, MS because he was bouncing around from Utah to Texas Tech to Junior College on account of he couldn’t stop getting arrested for drugs. He led the Runnin Rebs to the NCAA Tournament his junior year, which included an improbable upset over Wisconsin – a team who has made back to back Final Fours post-Marshall Henderson.
But it wasn’t just the fact that he was the best player in the SEC while he was at Ole Miss, it was the fact that he was a professional asshat while tearing your team’s guts out. Like the time he went into Gainesville and beat Florida, one of the best team’s in the country, and did the gator chomp in front of all their fans:
I think we can all agree that Florida fans are the worst people on earth, so Marshall Henderson became my hero on that day. The most legendary performance though was when he made a bunch of frat bros from Auburn want to literally take his head off after beating them:
That right there is the GIF that keeps on giving. I could literally watch it all day on repeat and never, ever get bored. Every person in orange wanted to kill him except for the girl in the third row who seemed somewhat turned on.
You’ll simply never see a college basketball player with that much swag and partying ability ever again.
Anyway, Marshall isn’t that tall so there was no NBA for him after college. Thus he’s been playing where every basketball player dreams to play some day – Baghdad. But as a result of this it’s been hard for us to write about him lately. Luckily for us Marshall Henderson NEVER forgets when someone does him wrong. And someone who did him wrong in 2013 is someone we also enjoy blogging about – Erin Andrews. Here’s the timeline:
Boom. Roasted. Erin Andrews is the face of unqualified hot women who have their jobs because dudes look at them and associate them with sex. After all, the only reason we even know who Erin Andrews is, is because she paid that guy to take naked pictures of her and pretend like he was a peeping Tom.
You can always count on Erin Andrews to ask stupid, irrelevant questions that no one cares about the answers to. You can also count on her using her position to flirt with players and then not exploit this obvious advantage to get good information out of them. Just like Kirk Minihane said, if she was 15 pounds heavier she’d be a waitress at Perkins.
That’s why Marshall Henderson continues to by hero. Because just like Turtleboy, he never forgets when people do him wrong. Erin Andrews is of course dating a professional athlete, because that’s just who she is. And she used her position to act like she was somehow better than Marshall Henderson. But at the end of the day the guys she dates play in the gutter too, just like Marshall Henderson. He’s just a million times more entertaining and open about it.