Turtleboy Investigates

Marshfield BLT-123 Says Her Boston Cop Sister Found Needle In Her Kid’s Halloween Twizzlers, Except Her Sister’s Not A Cop And The Whole Thing Was A Viral Hoax From New York Last Year

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I thought we were gonna go without a “my kid found a razor blade in his Halloween candy” scam this year, but then Marshfield reared its ugly head and made an appearance:

Oh for fuck’s sake. A sewing needle? They’re not even trying anymore. Newsflash – the only way this could’ve happened if there were no puncture holes in the wrapper, is if the manufacturer did it. And I find that hard to believe. Either way, since the manufacturer was the ONLY person who could’ve accidentally put this in there, it serves no purpose to call the police about it. You only call the cops if you think someone in your neighborhood did it. The only thing that you will accomplish by alerting the local police is getting everyone all riled up for nothing.

But of course that’s what these people want – attention. We know the manufacturer didn’t do it, because that’s not a thing that happens. Instead an attention starved BLT-123 just made it up because it was her turn to go viral on Facebook. These people aren’t even in it for the GoFundMe, they just like attention. I’d post some pictures of “Jes Keating” but of course her Facebook page is down. Should’ve screenshotted last night, but her page is FILLED with virtue signaling, attention starved bullshit. She may or may not be a member of the BLT-123 community, and she posted a lot about Question 3. I didn’t see any signs on her page that she had a sister who was a cop, but her parents were on the news last night:


Coincidentally she shut down her Facebook page after so many people in a Marshfield Facebook forum call her out on her shenanigans. Then she regrouped and came back hours later with this:

We started responding to her last night, and once the questions got tough she once again deleted her Facebook page.

No one trained us for that situation? Your initial post literally said your sister was a Boston cop:

So we are to believe that a law enforcement officer elected to have her sister go on Facebook and post this, instead of quietly contacting law enforcement and having them investigate it. Oh yea, that happened.

According to her the “family member” who found it didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, and was planning on contacting the manufacturer. Then for unknown reasons she abruptly changed her mind and her Boston PD sister instructed her to take to Facebook in order to warn everyone about the guy in the neighborhood handing out needle candy.

But wait….if you guys thought the manufacturer put the needle in there then why would you feel the need to alert the community? It’s not like someone in the neighborhood intentionally did it. Here’s a better question why are the MPD saying that two separate pieces of candy had needles?

Because it that happened you can be assured it was not the manufacturer. And since there are no holes in the wrapper and couldn’t have been an evil neighbor, that only leaves you hun. Looks like she might want to get her story straight:

But then she told Clarence she wasn’t trying to freak out the neighborhood, and was sure it was the manufacturer:

Yea, the last thing she wanted to do was make people think someone in the neighborhood did this. Naturally then she called the cops and posted on a community Facebook forum.

The reason people do this is because it works. They crave attention more than anything else, and they know gullible idiots like this will fall for it:

Oh snap!! It’s an epidemic y’all!!! A quick search on the Google machine brings us to this Youtube video from last year in New York, when another attention craving skag coincidentally found a needle in…….her kid’s Twizzlers!!

What are the odds?

And check out the nail polish she had on in that video:

Where have I seen nail polish like that before?

Oh right, Marshfield. What are the odds? In fairness those nails are rounded in the top video, but I’m guessing she saw this video, got inspired by the Internet the poster got for it, and decided that it was her turn this year.

Pro tip – if you’re gonna try to pull one of these attention seeking scams on Halloween, don’t do it with a Twizzlers. You’ll give yourself away. Everyone knows that Twizzlers are the last thing kids eat from their Halloween candy, right after Good n’ Plenty and Almond Joy. They always start with Snickers, Milky Way, and Reeces. No child has ever eaten a Twizzlers on Halloween night itself. Save this stunt for Veteran’s Day weekend.

Anyway, this made WBZ News last night and of course they’re reporting it like it’s completely 100% true:

Poor David E. Wade. Always falling for some bullshit.

Jes’ mother Carol was in that video, and they apparently had gone trick or treating with her sister’s kid at Carol’s house. So we went to Carol’s Facebook page to see if we could find out if her other daughter was in fact a cop. We found this:

As you can see her sister’s name is Regan. But after publishing this blog we spoke with Regan and she made it clear that she is not the sister Jes was referring to. That would be her older sister who lives in Boston, but is not in fact a Boston Police Officer. So Jes made that part up. And if she’s willing to lie about that to a bunch of strangers on Facebook, then she’s willing to lie about anything.

If you watch that video you hear the chief’s tone. He’s taking this seriously, like it really happened. Because that’s what cops do. And when you make something up like this you tie up police resources and steal from taxpayers. So yea, hopefully their investigation centers around our BLT-123 friend, who is obviously making this all up for attention.

16 Comment(s)
  • don
    November 5, 2018 at 11:15 am

    wow justin beiber really let himself go

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 3, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    Just another look at me chubster

  • Kevin Balls
    November 3, 2018 at 1:43 am

    She should eat the Twizzlers and maybe the needle will sew her lips shut. Stop lying fatty

  • Judge dread
    November 2, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    what the fuck? this is some whore who is a suffering from narcism. social media is bad. The judge says bring back the public whipping posts.

    November 2, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    I actually masterbated to the young “they” picture of the black square nailed person. I was furiously pumping thinking of my “they friend” Randall with black square nails tickling my baby seed blaster and i actually squirted anally! Thank you Randall. Anyways i was able to squirt frontLLY and gobbled up the frosting before Randall did, hehe

  • Lou-E
    November 2, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    I saw that black van driven by the clowns in my neigborhood on Hallween, the passenger got out and adjusted his crotch before getting back in and driving away.

  • I Eat Sewing Needles For Fun
    November 2, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    What is “BLT 123”??

    • HH
      We're Doomed
      November 2, 2018 at 6:02 pm

      It’s a reference to the LGBTQAAIP&Batmansymbol+supercalafragilisticexpialidocious. Or whatever the letters are this week.

    • Jim
      November 3, 2018 at 4:59 am

      Boy Loves Turtle?

  • Captain Obvious..ly a scam!
    November 2, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    Why anyone would believe this is beyond me! Marshfield your stupid is showing!!!

  • Margaret
    November 2, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    She’s not a liar and I fact she’s one of the nicest people in the town. Pic a better story because you all look stupid for posting this.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 2, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    More hard hitting news.

  • poopship14
    Ghost of halloween past
    November 2, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    This needle in the candy urban legend has been around at least since i was a kid in the late 70’s early 80’s.

    This idiot just wants her 15 min of fame.

    • Uncle Randy
      November 2, 2018 at 3:41 pm

      Back in the day it took effort to actually report something, so nobody went through the trouble of making shit up to get attention.

      All you have to do now is take a picture and put it on the face machine to see if it goes viral.

      People have always been retards, but we know about them now.

  • No more Y’all
    November 2, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    Attention, from here on out anyone who’s not from the South, is prohibited from using the slang Y’all. Penalties include electro shock therapy and a mandatory sentence of listening to Liz Warren on audio books for 4 hours.

  • Liz warrens gunt
    November 2, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    I was waiting for you to do this story. Stinks to the high heavens just like the coyote bandit in Slobgus

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