Turtleboy Investigates

Martha Coakley Intern Who Led Cops On High Speed Chase LIED, Was Really Served Underage At Abington Bar And Protected By Corrupt Selectman

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You all remember the tale I told last week about how the politically-connected fuckboi from Abington, who took police on a drunken high-speed chase through Weymouth, crashed his car, and ran as fast as his lily-white legs could carry him, right?

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I guess Ed Tombstone doesn’t have as many friends as he thought. As soon as the blog went up we were slammed with tips about what actually happened that night. We must have gotten messages from half the town tattling on this limp-dicked dweeb.

One of those emails happened to have the police scanner audio from that night, and another, had the police report. My favorite highlight of the police report was when Pooney, who had just failed at his freedom-sprint from the cops, asked the officer who caught him, if they could make a deal.


Doesn’t that sound like a weak attempt at bribing a police officer to you? You entitled twat. What kind of deal were you going to make? Offer him some knob to take the handcuffs off? You aren’t a figure of importance anywhere. You’re a kiss ass who thought he could get away with anything and failed just about as miserably as one could possibly fail. No one is going to let you in their door after this. Your other drunk friends are going to have to drive you around now! Anyone saying you’re a good kid, just making bad choices, must owe your dad money. You, and all your friends, are dickwads and make it a habit of thinking the laws don’t apply to you.

Now, in the original blog it was reported that it was a chick in the car.

Survey says that’s FALSE.

While I’m still positive Toomey was going home to drink someone pretty, it’s just been clarified that it was probably going to be a game of smashing pissers. The passenger in Pooney’s car was another fuckboi named Matt Egan.


Sweet chain, bro. Mom order that from Fingerhut?

You can listen to the Police Scanner from the apprehension of Fuckboi below:

In the audio you can clearly hear that Egan, freshly 21, has four open cases. Another drunk driver, you say? Underage with alcohol? Drugs with the intent to distribute?


Another fine example of a great kid, right? You all going to defend him too?

Now, if you’re out drinking with an underage pal at a bar, that buddy has just lead the police on a chase, he crashes the vehicle you’re the passenger in, you’ve got a twelver of cold road sodas with you, have four criminal charges in your name, and you get nabbed by the cops… why wouldn’t you go to jail? You clearly bought the brews.

What makes him so special that he didn’t land a distribution to a minor charge?


Better yet, what about this picture from Facebookagram of Toomey and two douches named Wayne Norling and Rob Davs, all drinking at the Abington bar The Cellar the night of the drunken car chase. The picture was deleted about 30 minutes after Toomey crashed his car with Egan in it. The time-stamp on the picture is about 40 minutes before the blue lights went up on Toomey. If you think this could be anywhere USA – take a look at the flier behind them.


Davs is another “nice kid” from Abington. Sweet Blood for Blood hoodie, you vag.


Why would Egan throw Dylan’s Bar in Brockton under the bus as he did according to the police report. You’re going to falsely ruin someone’s livelihood so you can protect a shit hole like The Cellar?


But wait, there’s more…

Since Toomey is so well-known in town, they should have known him to be underage, right? He had spent countless hours at these places during Selectman Alex Bezanson’s campaign season. Why didn’t The Cellar kick him out?



My sources say he’s allowed to drink at a lot of the local establishments because of his political connections and did so frequently during campaign events. Toomey would get so hammered at campaign functions, while underage, that they would have to have someone drive him home because he was being obnoxious. The following screenshot is one of the many messages we received from local sources:


What’s that? Matt Egan got to play political beer pong too?


Gee, who controls the liquor licensing of the town of Abington?

The Board of Selectmen.

Who ran Selectman Alex Bezanson’s campaign and claims to be his Chief of Staff?

Ed Toomey.


Corruption and entitlement at its finest. I wonder if a new investigation will be launched in to “The Cellar” by the Board of Selectman now that it’s out in the open as to where they were ACTUALLY drinking that night. I’ll be watching to see if it’s even mentioned. Why would the town of Abington elect a man, like Bezanson, who can’t seem to enforce the laws, he, himself, is supposed to be a pillar of?

Sounds like a great question for the ethics commission.

But hey, what harm could Ed have done being such a “dumb kid” who just made a mistake?


Well, he almost wiped out this family man when he blew through that light, so you tell me. Those of you who are still defending him should take a long, hard, look in the mirror because you are what is wrong with this world. You cant seem to think for yourself so you have to take a stance with a mob of dipshits who have no, and I mean no, respect for the law. You’re pissed at me for shaming him? I’m bullshit at you for not having the sack to take a stand against it a long time ago. Grow a pair.

I doubt this hammer of truth is going to sway those who are avidly defending Pooney, who hasn’t said a public peep, on the local forums. These fucking sheep are some of the most aggressive, threatening, and obnoxious I’ve ever seen in response to any Turtleboy article. Homie don’t play that.




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38 Comment(s)
  • March 29, 2017 at 8:39 pm

    Abington-what a dump

  • March 29, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Abington, Mass still the biggest little S##T HOLE in Massachusetts.
    The town is really just EAST BROCKTON.

  • Behind closed doors
    October 30, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    What kind of “legit” Selectman candidate hires an underaged drunk and obnoxious kid to be Chief of Staff? Seems like a lot more going on there than meets the eye!!

    • Truth2
      October 30, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      I don’t know but word around Abington and what he is saying to the townies is hilarious….hey…he’s a good guy leave him alone! We will see!

    • October 30, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      That’s what I’m saying! Thank you!

  • NoseFace
    October 30, 2016 at 7:39 am

    @South Shore turtlegirl. My only hope is that you are as cute as i have made you out to be in my head.

    • Peen toucher
      October 30, 2016 at 9:20 am

      It’s a dude

    • October 30, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      Hahahahahaha. This made my day.

  • Truth2
    October 30, 2016 at 4:51 am

    This may possibly the most corrupt town ever. That page has another selectman Kenneth coyle commenting to stand for Bezanson. Then an Abington football coach Matt McLean with photos of him underage drinking back in 07. Did this town miss the memo on social media? Welcome to 2016!

    • You are a joke to the human race
      October 30, 2016 at 7:38 am

      Are you serious? Almost 10 years ago…. in high school. I’m you’re gonna tell me that you’ve never drank before you turned legal age then that’s a lie. And then if u try and come back with the yeah but I never posted it on facebook. Well one facebook didn’t exist back then and you are literally a low life loser hsing other people’s bad choices bring everyone else down too like they did anything wrong.. you are the reason why Abington sucks because no one wants to deal with dumbass people like you. Grow up, get a life, or just croak already.

    • Abington
      May 13, 2017 at 4:41 pm

      Alex is now running for state rep. You got to check out where his “hug foundation’ money goes to right into his back pocket most likely.

  • Wwy
    October 30, 2016 at 12:40 am

    Liberalism is a disease in mass. This state loves rape and rapists. That might be ok in Liz warrens tribe but not normal people. Sick people

  • JRod
    October 29, 2016 at 7:04 pm

    TB needs to get a local blogger for all the towns. Selectmen meetings are fantastic for collecting unreal comments and shady dealings.

  • Vpetes72
    October 29, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    Let’s see the Snapchat of Bezanson and Toomey at Jp Ryan’s, keep sqwaking! round 3!

    • October 29, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      If you’ve actually got it. I want it.

  • AB
    October 29, 2016 at 6:58 am

    I just wasted 10 minutes reading the worst blog I’ve ever seen. Give it up bro turtleboysports sucks

    • Wabbitt
      October 29, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      It took you ten minutes to read this? Did you drop out in the first grade?

      • BobnMic
        October 29, 2016 at 4:54 pm

        Hey wabbitt, welcome back friend. Thanks for the always entertaining and witty comments.

  • tq
    October 28, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    LOL That kids is a total TWAZOLE who has a face you’d love to punch.

  • Bout time
    October 28, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    Bezanson is a mouth breather, sounds like he has nasal decongestion every time he speaks!

  • Karma
    October 28, 2016 at 8:58 pm

    When are we going to see more stuff bout some of those corrupt selectman or women ? Underage drinking seems to be a thing in Abington….oh oh!!

    • October 28, 2016 at 9:55 pm

      I’m working on it.

  • Mambo
    October 28, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    When are you going to make a blog publicly humiliating Aiden kearney for his actions that night in Buffalo? Prove your not a hypocrit and bash the savages who bring shame onto the human race. Com’n im waiting, im sure it’ll be your most viewed blog ever. Think of all the page views you could get. He’s a POS and deserves to be called out for it.

  • Truth2
    October 28, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    Ladies and gentleman, …….drumrolll……this is getting good!!!!!

  • Abington_is_broken
    October 28, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Alex Bezanson is corrupt, I have a feeling we are going to see some more breaking news over the next coming weeks. Who the hell did he piss off in the circle of friends?

  • TRuth
    October 28, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    The writer of this blog is a sex offender so his words mean nothing. Keep your mouth shut and your hands to yourself ya bitch

    • October 28, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Weird. I don’t remember being convicted of a sex crime….

      • Turtleboy sucks
        October 29, 2016 at 3:16 pm

        Yeah but the owner of turtle sports is
        Is that what you support. Against drinking underage like you’ve never done it but it’s okay for your boss to be a sex offender. Honestly fuck you

        • Wabbitt
          October 29, 2016 at 4:22 pm

          Hi Kevin. Bludgeon anyone to death with a golf club lately?

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          October 29, 2016 at 5:28 pm

          This shit is really annoying. Do you know what a sex offender is??? Really do you understand the definition of a sex offender?

          Show everyone here one article of anyone associated with TB as being a convicted sex offender, please do it. It doesn’t exist. Don’t twist around events in order to attempt to fit your anti-TB agenda. Especially concerning something as serious as being a sex offender.

          • Turtleboy still sucks
            October 29, 2016 at 8:36 pm

            There’s ways of finding out information. Turtleboy supports sexual predators. Bc the one who runs the site is one.

          • October 29, 2016 at 8:36 pm

            They should know. Half of them are former Brock Turners.

        • October 29, 2016 at 8:35 pm

          Just because I called out the kid you played dirty Dorito with in 7th grade doesn’t make me suck – just as much as making fun of a hussy at a game isn’t considered a sex crime. But yes, fuck me.

  • Dave Lind
    October 28, 2016 at 3:51 pm

    OUCH. This one is going to sting

  • Jim McGovern
    October 28, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    I’d appreciate it if you could hold off on slandering my future underlings for one tiny little mistake. It makes them harder to get elected you know! Now I’m going to have to cut at least a dozen ribbons to make this smooth over…

    • Don James McGovern
      October 29, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      You sir, are a fraud. And I know about fraud – I’m close friends with Sarai Rivera.

      This young man is a pillar of the community, who was simply out for a jog and was wrongfully accosted by the racist, authoritarian police.

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