Worcester’s Mass Fury opened up their season as the reigning Eastern Football League Champions with a dominating 24-8 pummeling of the Eastern MA Seminoles of Boston last night. I’m not gonna lie, we had no idea what to expect going into this game. A year ago today none of us had ever heard of Mass Fury. Let’s just say we’ll be back for every game this season, and so should you. The crowd that was there last night was loud and boisterous, but Turtleboy Nation should be able to do a lot better than this:
Maybe we need the hippies to start boycotting Mass Fury games. That always seems to help our sponsors more than anything. Let me start off by saying that the star of the show were the Seminoles cheerleaders:
There’s a ton of familiar names and faces on this roster if you’ve grown up in Worcester County. Mass Fury is represented by graduates from Worcester South, Doherty, Shepherd Hill, Millbury, Uxbridge, Leominster, Shrewsbury, Fitchburg, and an assortment of other schools. Names that you remember seeing in the paper years ago that make you say, “Oh yea, I remember that guy. Good for him for not turning into a fat bastard.”
The thing about football is, after college it’s pretty much over. But these guys have been trained to destroy people at full speed their entire lives. You can’t train someone to be an animal and then cage them up for the rest of their lives. It’s not natural. So when you let these dudes put pads back on, fun things happen.
The star of the game was former Fitchburg High School running back Will Earley. Up until 2012 Earley was the Central Mass all-time record holder for rushing yards, despite not having played his senior year. Considering he played during the Ron Brace era (2000-2003), he’s gotta be at least 30 years old. But let me tell ya, he brought out some of the ghosts of Leominster past with the way he emasculated the Seminoles last night. He had not one
but three touchdowns.
And just for fun former Shepherd Hill start Brett Anctil smashed one in at the end.
Quarterback Corey Spencer came as advertised. Worcester State’s all time passing leader was was a little rusty as first as the scored was deadlocked at 6-6 at halftime. But in the second half he did what he wanted to, when he wanted to. This play right here was one of their four conversions on fourth down, and basically ended the game:
We were told going into the game that the Seminoles were one of the more respectful teams in the league. That was clearly a lie. They had this walking bag of wind who wore #79, and didn’t shut up the entire game. He must’ve weighed at least 300 pounds, but since his team got destroyed all he could do was yell across the field and blabber on about this “ain’t Facebook no more.” Whatever that means.
And you’ve never seen a team whine about the officiating more than you did from this team last night. It was like watching a mixture of the Montreal Canadiens, Bron-Bron, and Colts fans. The perfect storm of butthurt.
And this guy might look like Jameis Winston after going to an all you can eat crab legs buffet
but he was the voice of reason once things started getting chippy towards the end.
Mass Fury games are a family friendly environment, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little friendly ruckus once emotions start rising. Turtleboy Jr. asked me why they were fighting at the end, so I had to explain to him that the butthurt was strong in the Seminoles because they were being basically being bullied by Mass Fury. This was his first lesson of many to come in regards to the concept of butthurtness. He will not be growing up rooting for Tom Brady, so he will not be as familiar with this concept as our generation has been.
We don’t know all the names yet, but we’ll learn. You just remember seeing the bodies flying around – number 48, 45, 25, 4, 11, 88, 17, 6, 12, 10, 3, 20, 25, 68, 53, 2, 8, 11, 29 – we might not know who these guys are yet, but they’re fun to watch. Trust Turtleboy, if you like football, and you want something to do on July 25, get your ass down to Worcester State for their next home game against the Boston Colts. TBS guarantees that you will not be disappointed.