Medway Police Chief Allen Tingley Sends Email To Dysfuctnional Veterans After They Sent Town Hall A Bag Of Candy Dicks, Demands Name Of Buyer, DV Responds By Sending More Bags Of Dicks

Follow @Nunchuck_Ninja on Twitter by clicking here.

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Terrence Collie to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all. 


There’s a year old restaurant in Medway called PJ’s Smoke n Grill that makes smoked food using an outdoor smoker. Recently some local boob complained that the smoke and smell which prompted the town to force them to build an enclosure around the smoked with a fire suppression system that will cost $65,000. The owner of the restaurant apparently made a Facebook post on a Facebook group called “Friends of Medway” complaining about the new regulations. It got over 1,000 comments and the mob turned on town administrator Michael Boynton, the board of selectmen, and Fire Chief Jeff Lynch. Fox 25 News did a story on the fiasco here

Anyway, this week town hall received a package addressed to “The Board of Selectman” and it was from “Dysfunctional Veterans.” They are a Facebook page with 1.4 million followers that must’ve gotten wind of the story, and wanted to share their opinions with the Board of Selectmen.

Inside the package was a gag bag of candy called “Bag of Dicks.” They are literal candies in the shape of little dicks with a note on the package that reads “eat a bag of dicks.” The town administrator Michael Boynton, decided this was a HUGE deal and contacted Medway’s Chief of Police Allen Tingley, telling him that his female secretary opened the package of dicks and was very distraught. Rumor has it she clutched her pearls so hard they’re permanently imprinted into the palm of her hand.

Since sending this package is not criminal a real Police Chief would’ve told her that he’s sorry and there’s nothing he can do about this. But if they kept sending stuff, perhaps they could file a harassment order.

Not this chief though. He found Dysfunctional Veterans emails and send them this:

As you can see, he wants to speak with someone regarding “the package.”

This would be laughable if it wasn’t real. The Chief of Police actually thinks he can launch a criminal investigation over a bag of womb broom candy sent to town hall. Not just a beat cop either. The chief is doing this. The guy in charge of law and order in Medway. Obviously, this is a VERY pressing issue in Medway.

Anyway, DV did exactly what they should’ve done – mocked him on Facebook and urged people to send more dicks to Medway’s Town Hall:

The post has been shared thousands of times and has tens of thousands of comments, many of which are from people confirming that they sent the town of Medway a delicious bag of yogurt slingers as well.

And this right here is yet another example of why old people should stay off the Internet.

Anyone with even a basic understanding of how the Internet works knew that by sending this email he was basically asking for DV to launch a dick candy giveaway fundraiser for the town of Medway. This is just embarrassing for the town, and yet another example of a small town nobody who thinks he’s a lot more powerful than he is because in Medway the buck stops with him.

Oh, and he’s also the Deputy Fire Chief:

Because apparently Medway is some town in the wild west where the same guy is the sheriff, fire chief, postmaster general, and controls the towns water supply. What a joke.

26 Comment(s)
  • Christopher Lettiere
    June 13, 2019 at 3:06 pm

  • Turd Burglar
    September 25, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    If someone sent me a delicious bag of dicks I’d laugh my ass off and share them at work.

  • Genius Marketing... well done sir
    September 25, 2018 at 4:47 pm

    Medway just gave Dysfunction Veterans pure gold marketing. Thinking of all the peeps I could treat to a bag of dicks, some would even have a sense of humor about it and return the favor…. wonder if they sell Crusty Twat Stuffed Taco candies.

  • Maura Healey
    September 25, 2018 at 1:54 am

    Dysfunctional Veterans are obviously Trump supporters, so I’ll be suing them and opening a full investigation costing the State Of Mass millions of dollars. Dicks, penises and all men are disgusting and need to be permanently removed from society. Don’t forget, vote for me in November!!!

  • Nico buddies with Lupica feta cheese.
    September 24, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    I am @ the Sox game tonight and some racist a$$hole just threw a refrigerator full of Budweiser’s at Adam Jones in left while yelling “honky power!” I was there! I saw it! Kevin Cullen is sitting next to me as a witness.

  • Chris Seith
    in the little townof mendon
    September 24, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    Maybe the MSP should look in to this.

  • Dick Head
    September 24, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    Donate all the Dick Candies to the local food pantry. Illegals will gobble that shit down after spending their SNAP and EBT on cigarettes, energy drinks, hot pockets and window tinting.

  • TJB
    September 24, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    A box of cocks?

    • Prick Dick Ding Dong Schlong Kong Baloney Bopper Baton
      September 24, 2018 at 6:11 pm

      Cock in the Can, appropriate for any occasion lube included.

  • TJB
    September 24, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    Perhaps a Christmas bag o ‘dicks could be available?

    September 24, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    I know what all the kids in Medway are getting in their candy bags this Halloween!

  • Peter Niss
    P. Niss
    September 24, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    And like that I just ordered a bag of dicks to be mailed to the Medway police chief.

    • Ya Moron
      September 24, 2018 at 2:14 pm

      Return Address: my parent’s basement because I’m a grown adult still living with Mom and Dad.

  • Medway citizen
    September 24, 2018 at 2:08 pm

    To be fair, some ignorant dick sent these to a well respected, educated man who was only doing his job. If you read both sides of the story and determine where this roots from, you may have a different point of view. This all started over a guy in town who owns a BBQ restaurant and did not follow the town laws. He got caught by a complaint from a neighbor and is being forced to close down or get his restaurant up to code. So now the town is a “dick” as is apparently the law. Get educated. Grow up. Stop hiding your face behind a bag of dicks, ya dicks!

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      June 26, 2019 at 8:18 am

      Eat a bag of Dick’s dicks. You dick.


  • deflateddoritodinks
    September 24, 2018 at 1:50 pm

    So I guess there are no Dominican fentanyl dealers in Medfield. Maybe layoffs are due.

    • Hughbo Mont
      September 24, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      Who knows. But what about Medway?

    • JohnnyWad
      September 24, 2018 at 7:37 pm

      These Selectman Boards are as bad as the Democratic party. Do nothing but make you lives miserable.
      They’re all on a power trip.
      So glad I moved out of that state a few years back
      Nothing but tax tax tax.
      Trash bags, excise tax on your car very year.
      Now your smoker grill.
      Silly Rabbits, dicks are for pricks..

  • Stunt Penis
    September 24, 2018 at 12:04 pm

    To be fair, he was probably ordered by the Selectmen (his bosses) to “investigate”.

    I suppose he could say “no” and get fired

    Perhaps the proper course of action would be to send a bag of dicks to the Selectmen at their personal residences?

    I have no affiliation with a bag of dicks, I’m a much bigger dick.

    • Need answers
      September 24, 2018 at 12:16 pm

      So did he or did he not eat said bag of dicks?

      • Linda
        September 24, 2018 at 5:54 pm

        You can’t bite them they are too hard. You have to suck on them until they soften.

        • Ted Baxter
          September 25, 2018 at 5:16 am

          Marry me.

  • google glitterbombs
    September 24, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Im sending them a glitter bomb, and just found: dicks by mail . com ….. we need to start sending dick shaped glitterbombs NOW!!!

  • Ted Baxter
    September 24, 2018 at 10:57 am

    I always laugh at these chief’s that wear the general stars. Life in Medway must be pretty good if this is what he can spend his time on. What I need to know is how does one put on a belt with no buckle?

  • ncfoothillbilly
    September 24, 2018 at 10:55 am

    Haha! If he thinks a bag of dicks is bad I’d like to see his reaction to a package of shit.
    Whatever any of you may wish…don’t send him poo.

    • TortugaNino
      September 25, 2018 at 10:24 am

      holy fuck!!! that’s creepy!!! good eye!

Comment on this Post


This Truck Driver Was Really, Really Pissed About The 65 Car Accident Pile Up On 290 In Worcester.
Chinese Guy Jumps Seven Floors To His Death To Get Out Of Shopping With Girlfriend
South African Dude Who Pretended To Sign Language Obama’s Nelson Mandela Speech Is Apparently An Insane Murdering Rapist?