Turtleboy Investigates

Meet Ricardo Jean Baptiste: The Meatbreath Who Slashes People’s Tires Because He Can’t Get Laid But Fronts Like A Pimp With A Record Label On Facebook

Meet Ricardo Jean Baptiste: The Meatbreath Who Slashes People’s Tires Because He Can’t Get Laid But Fronts Like A Pimp With A Record Label On Facebook

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Yesterday we published this blog about some shithead who went out with a Grafton Hill woman, got ditched because he was so disgusting and revolting, ended up slashing her mother’s tires at 3:20 AM, and then came back at 6 AM to slash a bunch of other people’s tires to make it look like a random act of vandalism instead of a premeditated crime.





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Woke up today and our inbox was all flooded with the same name – Ricardo Jean-Baptiste. Although on Facebook he goes by Rikki Ricardo.

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Yup, that’s him!

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Well done turtle riders!

And you know you’re a waste of space when the first thing that comes up when people Google your name is the courthouse records:

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Yup, he’s been arrested for A&B, driving with a suspended license, and he’s a coke dealer:

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Look at the bright side Rikki – at least when you save money on gas when you get a free ride to court from the House of Corrections.

Anyway for a guy who can’t get laid and then slashes chick’s tires when they reject him, he sure talks a big game:

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Before you start pimping, you should probably make sure you can find at least one chick who’s willing to let you play a round of bury the broomstick first. Just sayin. It’s hard to have stable of dimes when you can’t even afford a Grafton Hill pony.

He also has no tolerance for hoes:

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Especially hoes who wanna use him for his chedda, because he be spending mad loot at Mambo Drink:

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After all, he don’t just be snappin – he be stackin:

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And you know it’s true because he ended his statement with #facts!!

His drug dealing business is going so well he’s gonna buy a new car:

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I think the #100 thing is what hoodrats did before the 100 emoji was invented.

Maybe he doesn’t like this chick because she lives at her mother’s house:

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Oh, and he doesn’t like jealous people:

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Because there’s nothing jealous about slashing a chick’s tires because she doesn’t want a body odor shower from a convicted felon.

He believes that there’s nothing “worser” than an n word that has no gas in his tank:

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But here’s the thing – the car he drove to slash these people’s tires is registered to his mother:

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Although I guess you gotta do what you gotta do when you’re a 30 year old meatbreath who doesn’t have a license. Don’t worry though Rikki, things will start picking up once you start that record label:

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We posted on his Facebook page about this and he immediately deleted our comments. Only a matter of time now until he deactivates. Time to arrest this noodledick and put him prison because obviously he doesn’t know how to carry on in a civilized society. More importantly, he’s a huge bitch for not knowing how to handle rejection like a man, and bringing innocent people into his personal failures as a man.

P.S. Lot’s of people have asked how the woman didn’t know his name if she went out with him. Great question. He told her his name was Mario from our source. Probably because if she Googled him she’d realize ahead of time that going out with him would end in disaster.



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15 Comment(s)
  • RR
    May 20, 2017 at 7:52 am

    Yo man y u call meh out like dat I could sue yo ass for deflorination of character. I am gunna get d best webz lawyers I can find and go Jonny Cockeran on yo ass. I know you you are Kevin Smith
    and d next chump dat sez Lucy I am Home to me iz gunna get capped

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    May 4, 2017 at 2:23 am

    Rikki… you got some splainin’ to do!

  • whatevuh
    May 2, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    and they wonder why white people don’t like niggas? LMAO

    • Chip Striker
      May 3, 2017 at 11:38 pm


  • mystressovmayhem
    May 2, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    Damn! All I know is if I ever need P.I. services i’m calling Turtleboy!

  • ZephyrCat
    May 2, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    Free my boi

  • Chip Striker
    May 2, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    Just another animal that belongs in a cage.

    Nobody benefits from his existence, in fact people are inconvenienced by it. Hopefully he goes to jail and takes the Hernandez route.

  • arrest this gym sock
    May 2, 2017 at 1:20 pm

    They need you arrest this deep fried couch potato and not let him out after 30 days. The state is way too fuckin lenient on crime. The criminals have more rights than the victims. How is it they get a free lawyer but they bend me over the table for every traffic citation I have ever received? Seriously, I have NEVER gotten a free pass. Anyway, I hope Bubba Gump gets the book thrown at him…and a bar of soap. He just looks like he smells of Price Rite and poor choices. Bleh.

  • May 2, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    I don’t care what this bitch said about the name! I’m sure this hood ghetto thug didn’t turn into a good boy when she met him. I’m sure his shitty behavior and ghetto speak remained the same.

  • Ricardo,learn what it means to grow a pair!
    May 2, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    He was born with a “man card” but he lost it long ago do to failure to inactivity. Too many grown idiots confused about what it takes to be a real man. The streets don’t produce men, they produce the ghetto pussy rejects of society who are insecure and too intimidated to walk the walk of real men.

  • Mr. T
    May 2, 2017 at 12:25 pm

    Great poster boy for Burncoat H.S. He must have taken English as a 5th language. Desi Arnaz (the real Ricky Riccardo) must be flipping in his grave.

  • Soylentblue
    May 2, 2017 at 11:37 am

    He’s saving France too!

  • your momma's car!!!
    May 2, 2017 at 11:28 am

    Oh, for Christ’s Sake! You’re driving your momma’s car to commit these crimes? What a pathetic wretch! Still sucking’ off your momma’s teat!!!! Does she wipe your ass too?

  • fordsnharleys
    May 2, 2017 at 11:19 am

    The police should be paying TBS for solving crimes. Hmmm ? Now which councilor supports the crime solving news source? Not Petty.

  • ICE
    May 2, 2017 at 11:07 am

    Teen minded vandal’s on the run again.

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