MIAA Suspended 18 Year Old Beverly Lacrosse Bros For Smoking Cigars At Graduation, Still Win Championship In Ultimate Power Move

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The MIAA has been on a roll this week. Check out what they did to the Beverly lacrosse team….

BEVERLY, Mass. —The parent of a Beverly High School lacrosse player has reported that his son and another player have been suspended from Saturday’s championship game against Marblehead after a picture of them smoking cigars appeared in the Citizen this week.

WickedLocal reported Friday that John Donovan told The Salem News Friday that his son, midfielder Nick Donovan, and defenseman Dylan Jutras were suspended under Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association (MIAA) rules governing the use of tobacco.

A picture of Donovan, Jutras and two other Beverly High School graduates smoking cigars at the school’s June 1 graduation ceremony appeared in the June 5 edition of the Citizen.

Students who play for MIAA member schools are forbidden to consume alcohol, tobacco or non-prescribed drugs and can be suspended from 25 percent of remaining regular season games or removed completely from tournament games scheduled at the time of the infraction, according to MIAA spokesperson Paul Wetzel.

Wetzel could not confirm the suspensions, but said that it is the responsibility of local athletic directors and principals to enforce MIAA rules.

Neither Beverly Athletic Director James Coffey or BHS principal Sean Gallagher could be reached for comment.

The Panthers face Marblehead in the Division 2 North final Saturday at 4 p.m. at Bertram Field in Salem.
Beverly lacrosse coach John Pynchon also did not confirm the suspensions.

“We are preparing as a team to play Marblehead tomorrow,” he said, offering no further comment.


So Beverly beat Marblehead today, despite #cigargate. That right there is one way to tell the MIAA to go fuck itself. If I were the coach after the game I’d refuse to accept their stupid trophy. Seriously, I’d buy my own trophy and tell the MIAA that I had no use for them.

The MIAA is just so moronic it can’t help itself. Look, I understand that we shouldn’t be promoting kids drinking and smoking. And these kids probably deserved to be punished because they were sharing needles and running an international drug trafficking ring. Oh wait, you mean they were just celebrating a high school graduation? Oh. Well then, I would say I’m surprised but this is the fucking MIAA. Being professional assholes is what they do best.

But there is a thing called the “spirit of the law.” There’s also a thing called don’t be a fucking asshole. And that’s what the MIAA is doing here. They’re reminding all of us that not only are they giant assholes, they’re also in charge. Don’t like it? Too bad. They control something that matters to you a lot so you better abide by their nonsensical rules or else you can’t participate in something that you have a right to participate in. Something you will always remember. Sometimes they just have to remind you who the fuck is in charge around here.

Obviously any sane person looks at this and says, who cares? They’re 18 years old. They weren’t breaking any laws. They were celebrating a major event in their lives. Both of these kids could be drafted. Both of them could die in defense of this country. But God forbid they smoke a cigar. We just can’t be having that.

The only thing worse than the MIAA are asshats who support this decision. Believe it or not there are lots of them. Most of them are moronic women whose main argument is, “it’s a rule.” Because that’s what idiots historically do in society – they go along with stupid rules.

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Mary Cafarella was the girl in high school who reminded the teacher that he forgot to collect the homework.

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Newsflash for Erin Webb Roberts – stupid rules should be broken. You know that guy Martin Luther King Jr? Yea we learn about him because he broke stupid rules that needed to be broken, and in doing so told the South to go fuck itself. That’s how you draw attention to stupid rules. The MIAA might as well be run by Bull Connor.

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People like Erin Webb Roberts should all be sent to Siberia. Hey idiot, these kids didn’t agree to these rules. They didn’t have a choice. They have a right to participate in sports. But the MIAA has a monopoly on sports, which is about as anti-American as you are Erin. So yea, choosing between following their dictatorial terms or not playing at all isn’t really much of a choice.

Either way, I’m sure they knew the MIAA rules about tobacco and alcohol. They probably just figured it didn’t matter because rationale adults would look at this and say “who cares?” I mean, they willingly posed for the picture, which tells me they assumed they weren’t going to be kicked off their lacrosse team for this.

Anyone who agrees with a moron like Erin is a fraud too. Do you know any of these people? Because most likely all of them are really, really terrible people to hang out with:

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People are saying they are adults? Yea, that’s so weird. Sure they can vote and die for their country, but that doesn’t mean they’re adults. Sure their parents pay user fees for them to participate in athletics, and it was taken away from them by a bunch of self serving narcissists in Franklin. Sure our taxes pay these assholes salaries and the public has no oversight of them whatsoever. But that doesn’t give them the right to celebrate their graduation by legally smoking a cigar.

Here are some more morons. There’s plenty more where that came from:

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But the MIAA will tell you rules are rules. Because why else do they exist? We know they’re obviously not very good at rescheduling games. We know they don’t give a flying fuck about academics because they refuse to reschedule district tournament games around the SAT’s. Nope, they are here for two main purposes: 1) make tons of money to pay their executives 3 figure salaries, 2) enforce pointless rules they made up.

Bill Gaines has been part of the MIAA for 33 years. He’s never taught or worked in a school before. He’s never worked with kids. And yet this creepy looking old man


is in charge of your child’s most priceless high school memories. So why is Bill Gaine such a dooshnozzle? Here’s what the Globe reported on him on their ass-kissing article they wrote about him recently:

For Gaine, it wasn’t just a matter of “Play Ball!’’ It was about the students’ awareness of the demons and temptations in society, playing by the rules, and giving back to the community. “One of the things I’m most proud of was, in 1985, we started helping kids make good choices. The myth was out there that kids in athletics were off the streets.’’ In other words, out of harm’s way. But being an athlete couldn’t screen every kid from school, family, and social problems. “Our board decided we wanted to take that leap,” he said. “We had never broadened our mission.’’

Thank God we have Bill Gaine to fix our drug and alcohol problem “on the streets.” Thank God he’s bringing awareness of the demons and temptations of smoking cigars at graduations. Thank God he fixed all of our family and social problems by taking cigars off the streets of Beverly. Thank God he arbitrarily “broadened the mission” of the MIAA. This guy’s really making a difference in the world.

Games aside, Gaine’s goal has always been to make better citizens out of the student-athletes. “One thing you have to understand, kids are unpredictable,’’ he said. “But they will respond to expectations. I’ve seen the results.” 

They will respond to the expectations? But they broke the rules!!! Doesn’t this just prove that Bill Gaine’s entire life is a giant failure? And since when was it Bill Gaine’s job to make kids better citizens? Isn’t that what schools do? Nah fuck that. Bill Gaine has to do something to justify his $138,000 salary, so arbitrarily ruining a kid’s high school experience is the best way to do that. He’s seen the results.

Like, do they think these kids will look back at this in 20 years and say, “Man, I really learned my lesson there”? Nope. Twenty years from now they’ll be adults with kids of their own and say, “What kind of asshole does that to kids? If someone did that to one of my kids I’d pop them in the nose.”

Bill’s really left a legacy though. Even ask him:

“The MIAA said we could build something significant. I took a leap. I don’t think Dick or I knew what we were getting into. Obviously, it was a great move.”

Well Bill, you’ve certainly built yourself up into something. You might have convinced yourself you’re actually making a difference with kids by enforcing these stupid rules, but we’re not.

This rule is being enforced by some stooge named Paul Wetzel. He’s one of a whole bunch of people who collect paychecks, which schools, parents, and taxpayers finance to fuck over their kids. Do you know any of these people?

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Because if you do, you know someone who has a pointless job. They’re on the “Wellness Advisory Committee.” Because we TOTALLY NEED a Wellness Advisory Committee. A bunch of principals, retired principals, and other people double dipping in your tax dollars. And then they justify their pointless existence by occasionally fucking over your kids.

The bottom line is this – we need Athletic Directors with sack. Bill Gaine is not elected and he can pretty much do whatever he wants. So the only people who can do anything about this are the people who schedule the games. They need to tell the MIAA that their services are no longer needed. AD’s can schedule tournaments. AD’s can enforce rules. AD’s can use discretion. And AD’s can keep the gate revenue that they collect at their games instead of handing it over to an organization that does nothing but fuck their schools over.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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