Micropenised Maggot Lucky Sperm Who Abused Dogs And Got Them Back After Taking A Plea Deal Is Threatening To Fight Uncle Turtleboy At The Country Club

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship.


Back in April we published this blog about a micropenised maggot lucky sperm named Eugene “Michael” McQuade. His father Gene is the former CEO of Citibank:

And he obviously did a horrible job raising his raw dog trophy because Eugene Jr. neglects and abuses dogs that he trains, and they had to be taken from him. Then some hack judge gave him the dogs back as part of a plea deal and when he went to pick them up he acted like bag of flaccid penises that he is:

With an expletive and an obscene gesture, Eugene McQuade drove off the property of the Exeter Animal Shelter on Saturday with three of his dogs that were originally taken from him in January when they were found living in squalid conditions on properties in West Greenwich and Coventry. This week, 24 of 25 charges were dropped as part of a plea deal, and a judge ruled he was allowed to get three of his dogs back.

“For them to be returned to a place where they weren’t getting care is not OK,” said one volunteer at the shelter who helped care for the dogs during the past four months.

NBC 10 News cameras captured McQuade shouting at volunteers at the shelter and threatening them with legal action when he was asked to sign an invoice for the animals’ care before taking the dogs.

“(He was) swearing at us, dropping F-bombs. It should not have happened like this,” said another volunteer.

The staff said the dogs’ health has improved since they arrived in January. Some had injuries from being tethered and they suffered from a parasitic condition called giardia, likely from drinking rain water.

This is not McQuade’s first time in trouble with the law because of animal cruelty allegations. He was charged in 2013 of mistreating animals, and in 2014, he was accused of controlling vicious dogs. A friend that came with McQuade tried to physically threaten our photographer as the dogs were being loaded into a vehicle. Volunteers felt threatened by him too.

“His friend that he brought here was a bully, and he treated us terribly,” recalled one of them.

Eight of McQuade’s other dogs are being cared for at an animal shelter in Coventry. It is not clear at this time what their future may be.

The guy who drove him home from the shelter where the dogs were doing great is named Clifford Dennis.

And this crisco jizzrag has a long and documented history of abusing dogs, and leaving them out in subzero temperatures.

Authorities found 15 pit bulls with no food or water chained in the woods near an abandoned house in Warwick, RI, on December 27, 2010, according to the Providence Journal. The dogs were spread over a four-acre area and only small doghouses with a little straw inside protected them from temperatures in the 20’s and 12 inches of snow in blizzard conditions. Each dog was secured by a heavy six-foot tow chain. Animal control officials stated the dogs are owned by 47-year-old Clifford Dennis. 

They really are the ultimate villains. Just soulless, evil maggots, who everyone agrees the world would be better off without.

Anyway, we haven’t heard much from them until I got this message on Facebook last week:

Should I fight him at the country club for the dogs? Just look at this face:

That’s the most punchable face I’ve ever seen. He looks like racist Christian Bale in Shaft.

But let me repeat – your family is trash. You are human garbage. If you died tomorrow I would celebrate on your grave and laugh in the face of your family members as they cried. Because you are PURE EVIL, you abuse dogs, and your only friend is a fat tub of shit who gives you rides, and the only thing you have in common is your mutual enjoyment of animal abuse. Your mother is terrible, your father is terrible, and you will die childless, alone, and unloved. I’m not gonna kick your ass because I’m non-violent like that, but when you eventually are sentenced to prison one day (which you will be) I promise you that I will be in the courtroom to blow you a kiss goodbye.


Uncle Turtleboy

10 Comment(s)
  • whatevuh
    November 20, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    just like the last one that wanted to fight ‘a girl’ and he didn’t even show up for that, these people are low life little pussies, make a place, time & date asswipe, I’ll show up

  • Mike Rotchburns
    November 20, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    Just another rich, barely functional, smart-mouthed punk wasting time and acting a fool until his Trust Fund begins distributing payments to him. Here’s to hoping Dad made it so he doesn’t see the first payment until 40.

  • Judge dread
    November 20, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    You plant shit seeds you get shit weeds. His father was COO at FreddieMac, oh, right before the financial collapse of 2008.this douche bag led the ship of subprime loans and credit default swaps sold to private investment banks/funds. He knew shit was going down and jumped shit to Merrill Lynch, only for them to go out of business and be purchased by Bank of America.

    A real fucking shit bag, just like his son. How many lives did his dig bag dad ruin, both at Merrill and FreddieMac? Millions. The shit Apple doesn’t fall far from the shit tree.

  • Mr. Leahy
    November 20, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    From last year:

    Eugene M. McQuade, 30, 525 Hill Farm Rd., charged with two counts of possession of schedule I-V narcotics on May 20 at 9:34 a.m.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    November 20, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    Set up the fight and simply send Killoran.

    • JoeMomma
      November 21, 2018 at 9:22 am

      I live in Rhode Island, I’ll do it.

  • Crispy C
    November 20, 2018 at 1:14 pm

    Take the sunglasses off you homo. Then let’s fucking rumble.

    Him and his buddy look like Borat and his fat sidekick.

  • Mom's Basement
    November 20, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    If you’re gonna have nannies raise your kids when they are home from boarding school for the summer you need to get some baddass Slavic woman who believes in corporal punishment and isn’t afraid to administer a good throttling. Otherwise you end up in this endless cycle of arrests and payoffs until the little psychopath eventually kills you because he doesn’t feel like waiting for access to the trust fund. Personally if I was the lucky sperm I’d be squandering my time and money on the hottest ratchets that my allowance could buy.

  • Edwin Salazar
    November 20, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    yo uncle turtleboy you should fuck that dude up honestly all he needs is a good ass beating

  • Papa got a brand new bag
    November 20, 2018 at 11:24 am

    Go for it! Accept this ball lickers challenge. He won’t show up. Some last minute excuse will pop up. Like “Oh I have to walk the dog” He id a total Pussy

Comment on this Post


Nostalgic Facebook Commentators Are Really Pissed Off About Snow Days For Kids
Guy Who Tried Hiding In Tree To Flee Cops on I-290 Earns Moron of the Week Award
Auburn Fan Who Refused To Bet On Florida State Loses Chance To Win Free $25,000 Is Giant Moron